Cas. Human Cas. How am I supposed to deal with him? Do I tell him we'll find a way to help him, like I always do? Do I talk to him and probably end up having a chick-flick moment? Sam, where the hell are you when I need you?
"Dean?" Castiel steps out of the motel bathroom, his wet hair clinging to his skin while a spare set of my clothes hang onto his frame loosely.
"Wow, man. You are small. Don't worry, we'll get you something to wear next time we all go out."
"Dean, I have just found out that I do not like showers. My mind wouldn't stop; it's far too easy to lose myself in my thoughts."
"Did you figure out the secrets of the universe?" I can't help it if I'm funny. My humor isn't contagious though and I clear my throat, "Erm, that's normal. Guys do that. Thinking in the shower. You'll get used to it."
"I see..." Cas crosses the room to sit on the bed closest to the exit. We still haven't decided on the sleeping arrangement, but I figure I won't get much sleep anyway. "Is it normal to think about another person?"
I nearly choke. So he's that kind of guy. Huh, I never would have thought. "Yeah, sometimes." I sit on the other bed and smile at him, "You got someone on your mind?"
"Yes. I usually do. The same person, for different reasons at different times." He pauses. "This time I was wondering if this person will let me stay with them now that I'm human."
"You were a pretty kick ass angel. But I'll bet you're quite the catch as a human, too. You still have your looks, at least!"
"Dean, I am not joking. I'm-" he adjusts himself on the mattress nervously, "scared you won't find me useful anymore."
"Wait, what?" He was thinking about me in the shower? Woah. "Cas, buddy, I'm not going to tell you to leave because you lost your wings. You wanted to be a hunter anyway, right? And you're not useless! You still have more smarts in you than Sammy. Even if you're a lot more innocent than he is." By a lot.
"Yes, Dean, I know I am unaware of a lot of your references and innuendos. I can learn." He stares past me and I want to grab his chin to make him meet my eyes, "You can teach me."
"I'll teach you whatever you need to know. You are not leaving us. We're sticking together no matter what." I'm not losing him again.
"There was more." Oh, come on! "I thought about more than just... If I could stay."
"Well, spit it out."
He finally looks back at me, "Can I be in love with you?"
I blink. "Uhh- Umm... Is it possible? Yeah." I shift awkwardly and rub at my neck, "Do, umm... Do you think you- love me?"
"Yes." How is he so friggen calm? He's just confessed to me!
"Is it- Like a brother? A friend?"
"Yes." Phew. "But I am also in love with you like a brother should not be." Crap. "Is that wrong?"
"Well, no. But I don't know what you want me to say-"
"Nothing. Dean, I have a request. I've kissed before. It's always different and I know exactly how I feel about a the person while their mouth is against mine. I know if I love them or not. And how I love them."
"You want to kiss me?" It's unbelievable. He nods. What do I say? Not that I haven't thought about it. Hell, if he thinks it'll sort out our feelings then what's the worst that could happen? We'll either start clinging to each other and be happy or we'll go back to the way we were after figuring out that it wasn't anything as serious as love. "Alright."
He looks shocked as I stand up. I stare at him expectantly and he follows my lead, standing up. Do I kiss him first? Am I the man in this? No, we're both men. He's the one that brought it up, he should be the one to initiate it. He seems unsure as he closes the distance between us just a little more. We're in each others space and for once I'm not telling him to respect the bubble I keep around myself. His blue eyes are watching me and waiting for something to happen. I guess it is up to me.
"Okay, just- Just tilt your chin up." He does. "Close your eyes." He does. I could probably tell him to hop on one foot and he would do it. I look at him. He really did keep his looks. I still want to buy him something for those dry lips of his. But they do look inviting. Even his neck looks kissable-
Dammit, man. Focus. He's waiting for you! I lean in, a knot twisting in my stomach. I get an inch away before I realize I'm doing it wrong. My right hand lifts to hold the back of his head, my left on his upper arm. Yeah, this is much better. My mouth lands on his and for a moment it's just me. Then he's kissing me back, hesitantly. His hands grip my arms and pulls my body against his as the kiss deepens.
It isn't like what I watched him do with Meg. Where that had been simply rough, this was passionate. We're locked together and we barely pull apart for breath. I didn't know I wanted him so bad and I understand what he means by knowing how much you love someone with just a kiss. I love Castiel. More than I thought I did.
He breaks away from me and steps back, and I can't help but be confused. Did I misread it? Was it only me that felt something?
"Dean." He starts, and I brace myself for the worst. "I don't want to pressure you but I know now that I do feel something greater for you."
And how in the hell am I supposed to tell him the same? "Yeah, umm. I get it." It's his turn to look confused. I stumble over a few words, make nervous movements, and he only gets more confused. "Dammit" I breathe. I cup his face with my hands and drop my lips to his again.
This time, when he breaks away, he smiles. Damn it's good to see him smile. "I love you, Dean."
"Yeah, I love you too." I cough and look away to hide my blush as the Impala slows to a stop in front of the room. "Can we keep this from Sammy for a while? I'll tell him, but I don't want to drop this on him so soon after-"
"I don't think he'll care, Dean. He's thought for some time that we were together. We don't need to tell him, and we also do not need to hide it from him."
"Right. Umm, hide what exactly?"
Just as Sam comes in the door, Cas puts his hands around my shoulders and pulls me down for another happy kiss. I don't try to pull away but my eyes stay open, watching as Sammy comes in, looks at us, and puts the take out bags on the table, "You guys going to take a break to eat something? I remembered the pie this time."
He really isn't surprised? I pull away from Cas and look into those too-blue eyes. "There's pie."
"I heard. I also smell bacon and I hope it's for me."
Yeah, right. If there's any bacon; it's mine.
