I Only Have Eyes for You
A/N: Short little one short of a break up scenario between Harry and Ginny. Never really pictured those two has a couple anyways. I'm hoping this comes off as real, and not too ... bashy. Don't know how well I did on that front but t'was an experiment nothing more.
Oh and just a little warning this is un'beta'd so when you see any mistakes feel free to point them out.
.:~)(~:.
Disarm you with a smile
And leave you like they left me here
To wither in denial
The bitterness of one who's left alone
Ooh, the year's burn
Ooh, the year's burn, burn, burn.
.:~)(~:.
Harry Potter was nineteen years old when he woke up with a deep seated feeling of sorrow in his gut.
Once again another day to get through.
He had gotten into such a routine that he quite easily lost track of the days.
But today was different.
Today he woke up knowing why.
He wasn't happy.
He wasn't happy with the way his life turned out.
He wasn't happy with his fiancé.
In hindsight he really should've known. Should've seen it coming.
Everyone was so happy after the war.
Ginny included. She was so happy that he survived and truth be told just expected they would get back together.
The fact that everyone else that mattered to him expected it too made him think that maybe they really did belong together.
Being so used to the public attention and with everything that was going on Harry never got the chance to truly break things off with her. Days would go by with him telling himself that he would talk to her but it never did happen. He would always see how god awfully happy everyone was around him that he wasn't willing to break it.
He'd been the cause of so much sorrow in the past.
Trying to tell himself that it didn't matter that he was about to be the cause of a much greater hurt to the one person that knew him best and that it didn't matter that years of friendships were about to be thrown out the window.
But it did matter.
It mattered so much that his heart curled up and the hurt in his gut was killing him.
When Ginny got home later that day his heart stopped.
She came in with a brilliant smile on her face, cheeks rosy from the cold. She pulled her mittens off and bounded over to him giving him a sweet kiss on the cheek.
He hadn't moved a muscle since she walked through the door. It was something she easily picked up on.
"What's wrong?" her small hand came up and gently touched his cheek.
He tried to smile but it came out as more of a grimace and he ended up turning his head away from the touch with his eyes downcast.
"Harry?" her voice was tiny, scared.
Harry hated himself then, hated what he knew he was about to do. For he knew Ginny probably just about as well as she knew him.
"I'm leaving you Ginny."
"Wh... what?" a small smile on her face, but the frown and the worry in her eyes told him she was desperately hoping he was joking.
"I can't stay with you anymore" Harry started.
"Why?" there was a spark in her voice. "What's wrong? Oh god what happened?" the infliction in her voice made Harry realise that she was thinking this was suddenly more serious than just a break up.
"No Ginny nothing's wrong." Frustration was leaking into his voice. "I just cant... I can't do this anymore." His shoulders sagged, defeated.
"So what? You don't care anymore? Is that it?" Anger made itself known. She was confused but Harry knew somewhere deep down she knew.
"It doesn't matter." He said then "It doesn't matter how I feel but it's over, it has to be."
A frown marred Ginny's features as she stood there more than a little dumbstruck. Harry took the opportunity to grab the bag he had previously packed but he knew she wasn't about to let him leave just yet.
"NO!" She yelled storming towards him. "This isn't something you just get to walk away from! You don't just wake up one day and stop loving someone!"
The tears fell from her angry eyes and she looked upon the one person in this world that matters the most to her.
"Ginny..." Harry started but stopped. He didn't know what to say.
He was done with the maybes.
Maybe this is love.
Maybe I will love her, one day.
Maybe if I just gave it more time.
No he didn't just wake up one day and stopped loving someone. He woke up and realized that he wasn't in love with someone.
"Say it!" she was yelling at him, the anguish on her face making this all the more harder. He didn't love but that didn't mean he didn't want to hurt her. "Say you don't love me?" Her voice dropped low into a broken whisper.
"Will it help?" Harry asked eyes to the ground. "If that's what you need to here then I don't."
Ginny let out a sob and Harry looked up at her again his own heart aching at the sight of her so utterly defeated and broken.
"I don't Ginny. I never did." He regretted saying it. It was never meant to come out of his mouth sounding so callous and rude but it came out sounding like it anyways.
He turned away then, intending on walking out the door but she ran forward and grasped his upper arm turning him back around.
"Please Harry." The tears were still falling. Her soul laid bare for him to witness. "I love you... more than anything in this world." Her passion was breathtaking and for her truer words were never spoken. She was breaking his own heart with words he could never say to her with such conviction.
"Please Ginny" he was on the verge of crying himself he could hear it in his voice. "Please don't make this any harder than it has to be." Looking into her hazel honey eyes he knew the damage was already done, there was no turning back now for either of them. "I can't be that guy Ginny. I can't pretend anymore."
He slipped out of her light grasp gently taking a step back away from her.
"No" it was a whisper he barely heard. "Don't leave me."
He looked her in the eyes one last time and he saw in them the recognition that he was walking away, leaving the house, leaving the city, leaving her.
She collapsed then down onto the floor. One hand covering her mouth masking the uncontrollable sobs, the other was holding her heart as if it could somehow ease the pain Harry had put there.
Harry took a step towards her hesitating. He didn't want to hurt her so bad, he knew it was coming but it still didn't help the rush of pure guilt the coursed through his veins.
He went forward then and knelt down beside her. She turned her head away still crying.
Reaching forward, with a shaking hand, he grasped the back of her head making her look at him once more.
"Goodbye Ginny" he whispered a lone tear escaping his eye.
Giving her a chaste kiss on the top of her head, making her break out in a new wave of tears, he turned and walked away.
Walked out the door.
Walked out of the house.
Walked out of her life.
He left with a crushing guilt that would always eat him alive in the middle of the night.
He left with the hopes that Ginny would pick herself back up again and the hopes he would never compromise his own happiness for the sake of others again.
He left hoping he could wake up in the morning feeling free.
.:~)(~:.
I used to be a little boy
So old in my shoes
And what I choose is my choice
What's a boy supposed to do?
The killer in me is the killer in you.
.:~)(~:.
End.
This was an attept to lure my muse back to me, an attempt in vain as it turns out. And yes for those of you that are wondering, this was loosely inspired by the Buffy season two episode I Only Have eyes For You. ;)
The lyrics are from the song The Killer in me by Smashing Pumpkins.
Let me know what you thought!
