Dear Ludwig,

I stand alone, following behind you and Feliciano, knowing the whole time that you two are giving each other those looks.

I am quiet and I keep to myself, and I know that you must think me to be quite strange. But really, I just want to be accepted. I want for you to try to understand me. I don't want to be left to stand in the back, thinking to myself that, perhaps I am worthless. And I know that sometimes I act almost uncaring. I'm not cold hearted, just scared. Scared to say something or do something wrong. Especially if that something were to send you away from me.

Ludwig, I have never felt this way about anyone before you. I have never so badly wanted somebody to care about me. And I know that you are holding hands with Feliciano as you walk those several feet in front of me, and I sometimes wish that I could cry because of it. He's a sweet boy, he may not seem so smart, but I'm sure that he is. He gives you the attention that you deserve... the attention that I know I would be too afraid to give you. He's a cute boy, Feliciano is, and I guess that you love him a lot, although I've never heard you say it. And I don't want to ruin something as wonderful as a love between you and he.

So, I will continue to walk behind you both, as you talk with one another and he clings to your strong arm, almost as though his life depends upon it. And I will wish to no end that I could be in the Italian's place. I will think about how it would feel to be the one that you want to be with. To be the one that you want to touch with those rough, yet soft, hands. And I'll hope to myself that someday I will be the one that you whisper loving words to. The one that you hold close to yourself, creating a protective barrier between myself and the rest of the world. And although I know it will never happen, I will continue to hope that it might, because this hope is all that is keeping me here. This hope is the only reason that I continue to walk behind you both, watching my feet as they touch the ground again and again in such a rhythmic way. This hope is all that is keeping me from feeling completely useless and worthless.

Because I know that at some point during the day, Feliciano will hug me tight like he always does, and you will laugh and blush, telling him as you do so that that was enough, he should let go. And I will freak out, trying to push the Italian away from me, blushing a violent shade of red, as though I don't want his hugs.

But in all truth, I want to be hugged... I want it so much. I just wish that you would hug me too. I wish that altogether, we could have a group hug, The Axis Powers as one for just a moment. Because no matter how much I am afraid to mess something up, I just want a few seconds to feel like I have friends, real friends. And I want a few seconds to feel as though some one cares.

Although I'll never send this, I will sign it and keep it for myself, so that I can remember the way I felt when I was still part of The Axis Powers. I will keep this so that I can remember that you were the first person that I ever truly loved, but I didn't tell you, in the hopes that we could at least remain friends. I can't stand to lose somebody like you for something so selfish as telling you that I love you.

-Kiku