Mengqi - Ma Chao
Zihuan - Cao Pi
FYI.
Mengqi thinks, maybe, that the world has exploded around him, and the only people left in world are him and Zihuan. For many, many reasons, he wishes it was the case, even though it's not, even though, outside the confines of this room, the world keeps on keeping on, the same as it ever was. Except he knows it's not the same. How could Mengqi ever be the same after this.
"Get out," he hisses underneath his breath. "Get out of my room. Get out of my life." That's what he wants to tell him. But it's not his room, not really, and perhaps it's not really his life anymore, either. What he wants to say is jumbled-up, coming out in strangulated moans, gargled between frantic pants. Mengqi knows that it's useless trying to talk; Zihuan is so focused on him, on them, on their rhythm, that even if he could hear his words form sentences that dance above his head, he wouldn't understand, and he wouldn't listen. He won't leave. They're too far gone. Mengqi knows his body had betrayed his mind.
Mengqi wishes, truly, that he wasn't caught in the embrace of the older man whom he blames for the death of his family. But something in his head, his heart - and other places too - keeps the outpouring of hatred sealed somewhere deep, deep inside, surrounded only by this panicky feeling of lust, sweat, sex. It was only sex, after all.
"Stay here," he murmurs semi-consciously. "Don't leave me here. Stay for the night." He reaches up and fumbles for Zihuan's arm. But Zihuan pulls away, saying more with no words than could be implied with a thousand. He gets dressed and leaves. Mengqi's arm is still laid outstretched over the empty spot in the bed that Zihuan left. He focuses on the warmth the other body left there, the warmth he still feels all over his body, the warmth quickly trickling away from his chest, his heart being bricked-up with an ever-familiar ache. Mengqi knows that it's useless trying to make him stay; Zihuan is so focused on himself, on what he wants, on what he thinks he wants...he doesn't understand, he never listens. He always leaves. He's too far gone.
Mengqi knows, maybe, but...surely, he's too far gone.
Mengqi knows his heart had betrayed his mind.
