Title: The Depth of His Love
Author: Barb
Classification: PG-13
Disclaimer: I own nothing, but DPB and Belisaris Productions do.
A/N: This is my very first try at fan fiction, so I hope you all have mercy on me! Feedback is welcome, even the bad ones.
Summary: This story takes place at the end of Trojan Horse and is written from Mac's POV. This hasn't been beta read by anyone, so all mistakes are mine.
1305 Zulu
USS Wake Island
Arabian Sea
I watch Harm retreat down the passageway and can't stop the words from resounding in my head. "If you love him, it really doesn't matter what I want."
Wow, just like Harm to say something so ambiguous and run. I'm really getting sick of this dance too. But I want to know exactly what he meant by that statement. Could it be that after all this time, he's willing to make his intentions known? Hah, not likely. I can't take this anymore, I have to know what he meant.
I follow the way Harm retreated and a few minutes later, find myself at the hatch to Harm's stateroom. It's now or never, and I raise my hand to knock. I hesitate for a second. I've never felt so nervous, my heart is starting to pound. Do I really want to know what he thinks? What if it wasn't what I thought? Okay, the suspense is killing me. No matter what the outcome, at least I'll know where I stand once and for all.
With determination, I finally get up the courage to knock. I wait a few seconds, and I start thinking that maybe Harm isn't in his room, when suddenly the door opens. He looks at me and cocks his head to the side, his hand on the door, waiting for me to say something. "I want to talk to you." I say with courage I don't really feel. Suddenly I'm thinking maybe this isn't such a good idea.
"I think we've said everything we need to say, Mac." Harm says as he straightens up and starts to close the hatch in my face.
"Wait, Harm. Please, I want to know what you meant." I plead while pushing my hand against the closing hatch.
"What is it you really want from me, Mac?" he asked me.
"If you let me in, I'll tell you." Harm looks at me with distrust, but relents. He opens the door and lets me come inside, then closes the door behind me. As soon as I hear the latch click, I swallow and take a deep breath.
"Okay, Mac. What part of what I said didn't you understand, exactly?" He crosses his arms and looks at me expectantly.
Harm's stare is boring a hole through me. He's waiting for me to say something, but I just look at those eyes and my mind starts to fog up. I can't think straight. "Mac," Harm repeats. Okay, this is it. I steel my courage and take a deep cleansing breath. I have to look away if I'm going to be able to speak. I can't believe the effect his eyes have on me.
"Harm, you said if I love him, it doesn't really matter what you want. But it does matter, to me Harm, it matters very much. I need to know what it is you want, Harm, I think I deserve it. No more ambiguity. Spell it out for me like I'm a 2-year old." There, I said it. I feel a little relieved and a little excited that I was finally able to ask a bold question. I stare at him and patiently wait for his response with a somewhat arrogant look on my face.
"Okay, Mac, you asked for it, so I'm going to give it to you in plain English." He says as he points his finger in my face. "No more games. But you have to promise me that you won't say anything until I've finished saying what I have to say. Deal?" He asked. He stood there waiting for my response with his arms crossed over his chest. I've wanted for so long to feel those strong muscles again, remembering that kiss on the Admiral's porch so many years ago. It feels like forever.
"Deal," I say as Harm closes the hatch. The next thing I know Harm starts coming toward me and I realize he's not planning to stop. I back up, then back up some more, and suddenly I hit the bulkhead. I put out my hands to steady myself and look up to him as if to say, "You can't intimidate me."
Harm takes my wordless challenge and puts his hands on either side of my shoulders. He looks at me and I start to melt again, God look at those eyes. I'm becoming mesmerized by his stare, I have to swallow again. Get a grip Mac, you can do this. You can handle whatever he has to throw at you. You're a kick-butt Marine.
"I want YOU, Mac." He says. His face slowly edges toward mine. "I want to kiss your sweet lips." He leans in closer and I swear my heart just stopped. He's going to kiss me, I've been waiting so long to feel those lips on mine again. My eyes start to close in anticipation, but nothing happens. Harm just kept moving and the next thing I know his head is next to my ear. He starts to whisper to me and I can feel his hot breath on my neck as he breathes in and takes in my scent.
"I want to touch you, Mac, I want you to touch me." He whispers. He is so close and I take a deep breath. Suddenly I can feel my breasts touch the fabric of his chest. He pulls away ever so slightly, just so I can't feel him against me. I realize now, he's trying to seduce me. And it's working. I'm starting to feel so warm, is it getting hot in here? I can't believe the effect he's having on my senses.
"I want to make love with you. When I'm moving deep inside you, feeling your need for me, I want you to tingle with excitement and moan in anticipation of the release of the tension that's been building between us for eight years." He says this as his breath caresses my ear.
As he's whispering, my breath is becoming more rapid and I can feel the magnetism of his words on me. I feel my hips start to move toward him, so slowly. I try to stop it but I can't, I'm powerless when it comes to this man. I'm excited when my body ever so slightly meets his arousal for the first time. We both inhale sharply, not expecting the impact that feeling has on both of us. Again, Harm moves away just enough so that we lose contact. His head comes around and is now facing me. He is so close. He looks into my eyes and says, "And I want you to look into my eyes and see the depth of my love for you."
I think I've just died. I can't breathe. God, he's looking at me and I can see it finally, I hear the words. He loves me.
"Breathe, Mac." He says. I don't know how long it's been since I took a breath, but I feel that if I do, the spell will be broken. I finally feel the need to expel some air, it streams out of me and I quiver. My knees are weak and my legs feel like jelly. I want to say something. "I..."
Harm immediately puts his finger up to my lips to stop me from talking. "I'm not finished, Mac. You promised you'd wait until I'm done talking." He reminds me. I look up and give him a small nod, it's the best I can do, and he understands. I know he knows what he's doing to me, and he's enjoying it. I think he's been waiting to do this for a long time.
"I want to marry you Mac. I want you to be the first thing I see in the morning when I wake up and the last thing I see when I go to sleep." He is speaking so softly, his head has turned back to my ear so I can't see his face. But I can feel the power of him.
"I want to have babies with you. One who has your looks and my brains, and one who has my looks and your brains. They would be....perfect." I nod slightly in agreement and smile, we would make beautiful children together.
"I want to grow old with you, Mac. I want you to let me love you forever." He says with so much tenderness I start to feel the tears well up in my eyes. Not now, I don't want to cry now. I close my eyes tightly and will myself to hold them back.
Harm moves and faces me again, our foreheads almost touching. "But what I want most, Mac, is for you to be happy. If you love him I'll still be here. I'll still be your friend. I'll always love you no matter what." He raises his head and kisses me lightly on my forehead. He looks down and leans to peel my hands from the bulkhead and gives them a small squeeze. Then he backs away. He leans over, opens the hatch and leans against it, waiting for me to leave. I'll never forget the words he said, the feel of his body so close to mine. Those were the most awe inspiring words I've ever heard spoken in my life.
Oh my God. What just happened here? I'm standing here like a doe caught in the headlights. I'm speechless, I can't breathe, and I can feel the tears start welling up again. Harm's stare penetrates my being, he looks at me and gives me a smile. I'll never forget this moment for the rest of my life. I got what I asked for. As I look at Harm again, I start to walk slowly out of the hatch. It's up to me now. I know what I have to do.
The End
