A Dream No
Longer Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist or the
characters therein. Chapter One: Is it a dream?
"General?"
His voice haunted him. For awhile the dreams had dissipated but never completely left him. However, a trip to Central had brought them forth once again, tormenting the Flame Alchemist's sleep.
"General?"
Edward had looked so different, older, and taller, if only by a few inches… Their meeting had been so brief, but it had soothed Roy's heart and mind. After everything he'd never allowed himself the belief that Edward Elric had perished for if he had, Roy would never have been able to live with himself. Not that what he was doing could be considered living.
And now… now he'd let the brothers go beyond the gate to a world of flying machines, of destruction, and closed the gate so they couldn't return. They had been fine with it, wanted it, asked for it, and yet Roy couldn't help but feel like a traitor. After everything he'd done in his life, closing that gate had felt like the worst atrocity.
"Hey, are you just gonna ignore me or get out of bed and look me in the face?"
"Leave me alone, Ed." The Flame Alchemist grumbled and turned over on the cot that had been his bed in this cold northern out post. Even in his dreams Edward was still a noisy brat.
"Sorry, can't." One foot heaver than the other sounded on the wooden floor. "It took a lot of effort to get there. Frankly, Mustang, I'm disappointed. I'd have thought you'd be in Central right now behind a desk not all the way out in the wilderness in some beat up old cabin. Doesn't seem like you…" More movement and then a heavy sigh as the chair creaked with the weight of a body sitting.
"So, you wanna tell me why you're out here instead of in Central? Havoc tried to tell me but I said I'd rather hear it from you."
"What's the point in talking to dreams?" Roy muttered and pulled the blanket up to ward off the cold.
"Don't know really." Ed replied with a light, amused chuckle, "But then what was the point in writing letters that I didn't think anyone would ever get to read all that time I was stuck in the other world?" The young man sighed again, "Am I gonna have to make you look at me?"
Irritation spiked within Roy as he turned over and sat up, throwing the blanket from his body. "Leave me…" His anger died on his lips as his eye beheld the blond prodigy sitting across the room. A pair of startled, golden eyes peered from behind bangs in need of a trim.
"Edward?"
Ed's visage turned melancholy as he examined Roy's face. Instantly, Roy realized what he saw and reached for the eye patch on the nightstand as he brushed his black hair to help hide his face. Even if this was a dream, he didn't want Ed to see, he didn't want anyone to see.
The Fullmetal Alchemist left the chair, crossed the room, and caught his hands before he could secure the black cover. "Don't,"
Roy's breath caught in his throat. Always in his dreams Edward had never felt real, more like something he couldn't touch. Nor had he been this forward as far being so close to him.
"What do you want?"
"Let me see."
He smirked, "Why, so you can make a snarky comment?"
"They said you weren't the same. Heh, like hell." Ed replied and gently, gently, brushed his hair aside to inspect his face. Ungloved, flesh fingers, chilled with cold ghosted over the scars before covering the mess that had become his face with the patch.
"You want to light a fire in the hearth? It's cold."
Was Edward truly sitting beside him? Why wasn't he moving away? Why wasn't he… Ed opened the nightstand and found what Roy could barely slip over his hand; his alchemy glove.
It was a dream...
Edward rubbed his thumb over the transmutation symbol almost lovingly. He lifted it to his nose and inhaled, closing his eyes.
This had to be a dream.
"I missed this smell." Ed spoke with a certain fondness.
Yep, this was a dream. There wasn't a chance in hell the real Edward Elric would utter such a thing.
"Really? And why's that, Ed?" Roy asked with a smirk. "Was it in memory of our little fight and my flames licking your ass?"
Ed stiffed and an odd sort of blush colored his cheeks and he shoved the glove into Roy's hands.
"Keep it," The Flame Alchemist replied as he rose from the cot and reached for a robe. He was in his pajamas but he felt terribly naked.
"Don't you need it?"
Roy shrugged, "I've got others."
"Right, I remember that." Ed scowled. "Got any coffee?"
"Yeah, I do."
"Great, I'll make it and you can warm this place up. I can see my breath it's so cold in here. What do you have in the way of food? I'm starving."
Same old Ed; always hungry. Well, perhaps that was just his memory of the boy… young man for a young man was how Edward appeared to him now. He looked good, healthy.
Roy shook his head, "I was going to get some supplies in the neighboring town today."
"'K, you can buy me lunch. I'll help you carry everything back in return."
"Ed…"
"Huh?" the dream asked.
"What are you doing?" Roy faced him and found a percolator in one hand and in the other the facet knob. It was so very innocent, all so surreal as if this was a simple routine they carried out every morning. He wondered if Maes were laughing at him in the great beyond or heaven, where ever people when after they died.
"Making coffee."
It wasn't real and since it wasn't real Roy could do as he wished. Crossing the room, he emptied Edward's hands and made the young man dressed in white and brown face him as he leaned as close as he dared.
"Why?"
Edward's cheeks flushed but his eyes were as defiant as ever. "Listen, Mustang, I came to-"
"To what? Haunt me?" he bit, pressing himself into the young man's lithe frame. It was dream, no matter how real it felt, he could do as he wished and say what he wanted.
"Haunt you?" Ed seemed puzzled and still he blushed.
Roy narrowed his eyes; Edward didn't get to play innocent, not today. However before Roy could utter a sound Ed shifted and closed his hand over the Flame Alchemist's.
"What are you doing here? This isn't the Mustang I know."
"And the Ed I know wouldn't let me so close to him." Roy countered, "Or let me do this." He caught Ed's lips, caught them and claimed them. There was a moment where the young man stiffened but then to Roy's surprise and bewilderment, his assurance that this was all some dreamland fantasy his wicked subconscious had concocted, Edward relaxed and reciprocated.
Slowly, Roy pulled away and returned to his cot. Ed didn't move and for a long moment apprehensive silence filled the air.
"I want to be a State Alchemist again." Ed said softly.
"Now I know this is a dream." Roy smirked and lay down, shoving his feet under the blankets, glad the chill hadn't zapped what was left of the warmth.
"Hear me out, Mustang."
Roy waved his hand, "Sure, I'm listening." This was utterly ridiculous. There was no way in hell Edward Elric would ever want to be a state alchemist. Not after everything he'd been through.
"I want to be a State Alchemist but I don't want to work for anyone else but you."
Definitely a dream and an amusing one at that. Roy chuckled, "Was the kiss that good, Ed?"
Anger flashed in the young man's eyes and he clapped his hands, pressing them swiftly to the floor. Alchemy buzzed throughout the cabin before Roy had time to react and something hard shoved into his back. He found himself on the floor with the cot atop him. It didn't stop Fullmetal. Ed ran over, yanked the cot aside and grabbed Roy's night shirt, yanking him upright.
"Bastard, knock it off. This isn't some dream!"
The pain in his back was almost convincing enough. "The Edward I know wouldn't have let me kiss him." he bit.
"Guess what, things change." Ed replied and pulled something from his coat. "Read it, I've got several with your name on them."
Roy's dark eyes fell to the wrinkled envelope. His name in Edward's script, his home address in Central, the address Ed shouldn't have known.
"Why?"
Ed sighed and let him go, scratching his head, almost in embarrassment. "Just read it."
"How did you get-"
"I did my research." Ed replied with a blush, one that was rather becoming of him. "Look, it wasn't easy to write it. Humor me."
"Seems like I've done a lot of that." Roy replied taking the letter.
"More like I was the object of your humor." Ed muttered, "There are other letters, you can read them if you come back with me."
Roy perked a brow. "Come back with you? Where? Central?"
"Yeah,"
"Why Central?" He asked.
Ed made a tching noise, "Because that's where you belong. Imagine how confused I was to hear that you demoted yourself and took a post out in the boonies; kind a strange for a man who strove to be Fuhrer. What happened to you?"
Roy ignored the question and opened the envelope, taking out a wrinkled letter.
General
Mustang, I didn't think I would miss you. I didn't think I
would miss all of the sarcasm, the unwarranted verbal abuse, and
short comments. I am taller than your desk you bastard! And if you
ever did your damned paper work you could see Armstrong over it! I
want to come home. I want to say these things to your face. I want to
tell you that I like you. I didn't really know it before, but I do. I'm sorry I wasn't better behaved or showed my
appreciation for what you and everyone else did for Alphonse and I. I
didn't really think about it, it was hard when you were reaming my
ass, but thank you. Thank you for giving me the chance to fix my
mistakes. Thanks for not telling the military what Al and I tried to
do and for keeping it a secret. I realize now what it could have cost
you. Someday I'll make it up to you. So there it is. Edward
Roy read it twice just to make certain he hadn't missed anything, then folded it and slipped it back in the envelope. It was… a very awkward letter. Supposing this wasn't a dream; he didn't know what to say. He'd never expected Ed or Al to pay him back, never really wanted either of them to.
He gave Edward a smile, "I never let my paper work get that out of control."
Ed rolled his eyes and sat back on the floor.
"This isn't a dream?" Roy asked hesitantly. "You let me kiss you."
"I don't even want to know what that perverted head of yours has dreamt of what else I've let you do to me." Ed replied with yet another blush. "No, it isn't."
"Okay, prove it."
Ed grinned wickedly, almost as if this were a golden opportunity but Roy let what ever was to happen, happen and then promptly regretted it as his cheek stung with the bite of Ed's fist.
"I've always wanted to do that." Ed said with triumph.
"I thought you liked me." Roy groaned and dared to try and assuage his cheek, winching as his fingers touched the sore spot.
"Oh, I do, but I've also wanted get in one good punch. Are you convinced?"
"That you're a pipsqueak shit, yeah." the play of emotions over Edward's face was almost comical as he tried to rein in his temper. That was new; the old Ed would have had some screaming come back.
Edward sighed, finally, and crawled toward him. Roy flinched expecting another blow but one never came. Instead Ed surprised him in that he turned his face to look at the sure to be bruise blooming on his cheek.
"I'm not sorry for this,"
"I didn't expect you to be." Roy replied and pushed Ed's hand away so he could look him in the eyes. "Do you really want to be a State Alchemist again?"
Ed sighed, "I only want to take that role if you come back."
"What makes you think I could get my position back or that I would want it?"
"You would rather sit out here in the cold?" Ed countered.
"Ed-"
"I know the government and military have changed, but don't you think you could do some good and keep others from doing what Bradley did, better if you were in Central instead of out here?"
Roy winced at the name of the demon. He still had nightmares of that night, still flinched when he thought of it.
"People believed in you, Mustang. They still do. Hawkeye, everyone who served under you, they are waiting for you to come back. Hawkeye even said there was talk among the higher ups about whether or not you were coming back after what happened a few months ago. Everyone is waiting for the Flame Alchemist to show himself and take charge again."
"You make it sound so easy." Roy scoffed.
"So it might be a challenge, so what."
Roy ran a hand through his hair, "Why are you giving me a pep talk?"
"Do you want me to hit you again?" Ed threatened. "I don't want to stay out here in the middle of no where. The cold makes my auto-mail ports hurt."
His brow furrowed, "Who said you'd stay out here?"
"Ugh! Damn it!" Ed kissed him then, a somewhat inexperienced, virginal kiss, but one filled with meaning and feeling not to be ignored. Roy's heart fluttered, this was what Ed had meant by like? Nothing purely friendly but definitely romantic.
"If not Central, then Risembool." Ed said softly when he pulled away. "Al's there, Winry too. They would like to see you. Al and I, we did what we had to do and we found a way home. Al will tell you, I came looking for you. This isn't easy for me to say, Roy, so you had better be listening."
Winry? Winry wanted to see him? Somehow Roy didn't believe that. After their last meeting, after she'd blatantly admitted that she knew what he'd done, what he'd taken from her, it had been less than bearable. What was more, it was clear that Edward wished to be where ever he was.
"I am listening." He breathed.
"Then you will come with me and read the letters I wrote to you?" Edward asked seriously.
"Ed, I can't go to Risembool."
"Because of Winry?" Ed asked rhetorically, "She doesn't hate you."
Roy cast his eye to the floor, "Ed, I… took something from her."
"Still, she'd like to see you." Ed replied, "We can go to Central, I've already started looking for places to live. Hawkeye said she'd help. She said she knows what you would prefer. I told her to look for a town house or a house instead of an apartment. Havoc kept everything you left behind in a storage unit, he'll give us the key."
"Is Central the only place you had in mind?" Roy inquired, wondering why Ed was going to so much trouble. Even if he did get his rank as General back, and Ed was reinstated as a State Alchemist, what then? What did they have to work for?
"I liked East City well enough, but Central should be the first place we go."
"We?" It was still a strange thing, Ed wanting to be with him, the kisses, the letter… Roy didn't really understand it.
"Are you dense? What more of an explanation do you need, Mustang?"
"How about a reason?" Roy replied sitting back. He winced as a sharp pain smarted in his back. "What are you going to get out of this?"
"Hopefully you." Ed replied with such honestly and seriousness Roy had to wonder if somewhere Edward had hit his head. For that matter if he'd hit his own head.
"Because you like me?"
Again there was an embarrassed blush, "Yeah,"
"But you don't even know if I like you. What if I don't? You never asked me if I was even attracted to you or liked other men."
Hurt passed over the blond Alchemist and shone purely in the golden depths of his eyes. "I guess I was hoping you could learn to. If you don't… that's fine. Just don't stay here and waste away."
"I'm older than you," Roy stated after a moment's thought, "shouldn't you look for someone your own age?" The truth was he did like Edward. He'd grown rather fond of him over the first year and later secretly harbored feelings he'd never dared to express. He'd teased him more and more just to get a rise and as a way to play in his own way without ever breaking the rules, without ever saying how proud he was of him. Without ever saying how much he admired his character and drive. He would have kissed Ed long before had he dared, had he thought the hot headed teen wouldn't have killed him for it and if he could have gotten away with it. God knew (if there was one) he'd dreamt of doing more than kissing the young man. And then their world had turned upside down and there had been no opportune time.
Ed smiled wryly, "Probably,"
"But you know what you want and will go after it." Roy mused. "Central huh?" Ed's eyes lit up with a flicker of hope. "A house might be nice. I've always wanted a study and a small library."
Ed smiled excitedly; it was thing of rarity to the eyes of the Flame Alchemist. "Should I call Hawkeye and let her know?.. That is, if you are considering it?"
Roy got up from the floor. "I will make you a deal, Ed, I'll return to Central with you, if you say you'll live with me." He'd give Edward this much for it was an awkward change in events. "We will have separate bedrooms of course."
The young Alchemist was nothing but seriousness as he joined him standing. "Right, it would be too weird sharing a bed with you. I like you, I like kissing you," He admitted with a face as red as the coat he used to wear, "But I would like to get to know you better."
Smart kid, Roy thought, for working with him was much different than living with him. Aside from that, Roy wouldn't feel entirely comfortable without giving Edward a chance to run. They would both need space and time to get use to this arrangement.
"I'm not who I used to be." Roy said softly.
"Neither am I. You okay with that?"
"Are you?" Roy asked gently. "Are you alright with the knowledge that I want to kiss you?"
"Depends, what if I want to kiss you back?"
Roy smiled and tugged Edward closer. The young man came so easily and without resistance. "Are you sure it's me you really want?" he breathed.
"I wouldn't let you touch me otherwise. You gonna kiss me or what?"
The Flame Alchemist didn't pause and let the meeting of their lips be his response. It was wrong, he shouldn't be doing this. He shouldn't have had any impure thoughts of Edward at all. Ed should be looking for a girl and one his own age not him. And yet as Edward returned the kiss in his own, sweet, innocent way with a faint noise of longing, Roy somehow justified it as right, it certainly felt so.
When he tried to end it, Ed clutched his robe, refusing to let go, letting out a whimper. Who was he to deny Edward what he wanted after the life the kid had led? Roy wrapped his arms around the blond, bringing him even closer, and deepened their kiss. He even slipped his tongue passed his lips and asked if he could have entry. Ed was shy at first but allowed him inside where Roy found him tasting of coffee and something sweet. But then Edward had always had a sweet tooth.
Ed fumbled a little and Roy could tell he was uncertain of what to do as he explored Ed's mouth and so he kept it brief without making it feel as such. This time when he pulled away, Ed let him, and for that he cupped Ed's face in his hands.
"I really missed you, Edward." and from that Ed smiled a soft sort of smile, he'd never seen before. Roy had to wonder if he'd see that smile along with other new kinds, he wondered if he could make Ed happy.
"I'll call Hawkeye and let her know. You should get dressed and pack."
Still duty bound, Roy held Ed still, "And what about my post?"
Ed grinned, "There's a man at the train station in town waiting to relieve you."
Roy chuckled, so Edward had never had any intentions of letting him stay. "Alright, Ed."
"You should shave too. Your face is scratchy and I don't really like it." with that Fullmetal turned and went in search of the phone.
