What is anarchy? Anarchy is nature.
So, it was only natural that when John started the club that I become Mother Nature. I never thought about right or wrong. There is no right or wrong. There is only action and reaction.
I was always taught, and I always believed, that is the role of the matriarch to protect her family, to be the reaction to her husband's action. That's why standing by John wasn't hard. That's why standing by and letting Clay kill John wasn't hard.
When John began to talk of cutting ties, going legit, he was endangering the club, the family. And while I was John's wife and the mother of his kids, by this time I was also the mother of the club.
What John wanted was selfish. He got weak. No longer was he the strong leader I'd married. He became a danger to my family. So, in the better interest of the club he had to be eliminated.
Clay had a vision that worked for everybody. He was what the club needed. So, in a show of good faith I married him.
I was never sure if I loved Clay Morrow, but in some instances, love doesn't matter. What matters is family and what's best for the survival of the family. All I ever wanted to do was ensure the survival of my family. And I knew I'd made the right decisions because everything was great with Clay at the helm.
Until it wasn't anymore.
Clay only wanted power. He didn't care how he got it. He didn't care who he had to step over, or step on, to get his way. For many years, I was okay with this. His ruthlessness served the club well. And then he began to target Jax.
Nothing was more important to me than my boy. My loyalty was always first to my son.
Watching Jax kill Clay was one of the hardest things I've ever experienced. What did that mean for me? It was in that instance that I knew that I was no better than Clay.
The two of us always did whatever we wanted in order to get whatever we wanted. And in the end, that mindset will only destroy you.
It's a cycle. You go too far one time, and you tell yourself, "Never again. This was a special circumstance." Soon everything becomes a special circumstance.
Tara's death shouldn't have happened. I have no excuse except to say that it is who I am. It is who we are, or rather what we made ourselves.
For decades we allowed ourselves to let greed and vengeance tear down our souls, never to be replaced. We became cold, heartless monsters. I fear the worst part is that there is nothing we can do about it now. Except die.
Forever Lost,
Gemma Teller-Morrow
