This story was written a few years ago and is over 86 pages long in my Word/Pages file... so don't worry, more will come soon.
I apologize in advance for any grammatical error, English is not my native language. Please be kind. :)
He opened the door of this hotel room which was going to be his home for some days or some weeks. He didn't know yet. He took a look at this place standing on the doorway. He had an empty look on his face, as if he would not know where he was and what he was doing here. He put his keys on the table of the kitchen, his jacket and his bag containing all his weapons on the couch. He put his gun used during his former missions on the table of the living-room. Then, he opened the bag. He drew another weapon out of it. It was not the same that he had used during his missions... it was the same he had been forced to use in a prison... a few years earlier. A revolver. He took the time to watch it, carefully, meticulously. Then he started unloading it, bullet after bullet. He put them in a single line on the table, and took back just one of these bullets. Slowly, he put this single bullet back into the gun.
A pressure on the trigger and everything would be over. No more reproaches, no more pain, no more regrets. His finger on the trigger was about to push. He was remembering everything that happened the day before. He had lost his closest friends in a few minutes... and his own daughter had walked out on him saying that every person who was around him died... She wasn't really wrong after all. A few minutes after their separation another close friend of his died. All of that... and what he had done since his wife died... nothing had ever been the same after that. He started pulling the trigger... but a sound. Someone was knocking at the door. Who the hell could that be ?
"Jack ? Please, I know you're in there. I need to talk to you."
This voice... Audrey's voice. He hesitated a moment... Should he open the door or not ? He got up and slowly walked to the door. Eventually, he opened.
"Hi," he said softly. "What... what are you doing here ?"
"I wanted to make sure you're al..." She couldn't finish her sentence. Her look had stopped on the line of bullets and the gun which were lying on the table. She pushed him slowly out of her way so that she could go all the way to the table. "What's that ? And don't tell me it's nothing. What were you about to do, Jack ?" she asked growing worried.
"I... I have just arrived here so I put my belongings away and..." he tried to explain.
"Don't lie to me. A gun, bullets out, and... " she opened the gun, "and a single bullet. All you need to... all you need to kill yourself, Jack. Just tell me I'm wrong, please," she said with a shaking voice.
Jack was facing the door as he was closing it, turning his back to Audrey. He sighed and took a deep breath. Then he turned around and looked her in the eyes.
"Yeah. You're right. I'm... I'm sorry but it's not your business," he said walking to his couch.
"Wh... Why ? Just explain me why you want to do this."
"I'm tired of being who I am. This day just reminded me what I have done these last years... and what I had to do," he said. "I don't want to go through this anymore."
"So you don't care about letting people who care about you alone behind you ?"
"And who would that be ? I've lost my friends, even my daughter ! I don't think it would sadden a lot of people, Audrey."
"What about me ?" she said looking at him intensely. They looked at each other not knowing what to say. Then Audrey advanced and sat down on the couch near him taking his left hand in hers. "Jack... I've already lost you once. I don't want to lose you again."
He stayed there lost in his thoughts looking at the floor.
"Look ahead and not in the past," she carried on. "You don't want to go though that again? Then do something else and start a kind of 'new life' ! I'm sure there is something else you have always wanted to do," she said trying to bring him back to is senses because he wasn't really there.
He seemed to be somewhere else thinking about something or someone.
"That's what he did," he finally said breaking the silent which had started to take place.
"Who are you talking about ?" she asked delicately.
"Tony."
She understood who he had been thinking about when she was talking to him. She kept silent. She knew he would explain what he meant without her asking.
"I'm the one who brought him back to this work and all the consequences of doing this job... a year and half ago. I insisted for him to come back. He saved my life twice and I put him in danger... once again. And as he was starting a new life with Michelle, eventually away from CTU... that he didn't have anything to do with that anymore..." he explained, punctuating with some breathings. His eyes got moist. But he didn't cry yet. Remember, only when no one is around : Teri's and Tony's death, alone in the car,... not in front of other people.
"So you think you're responsible for what happened to Tony ?" she asked a little bit surprised. "Jack... you already blame yourself for your wife's death. You are not responsible for everything that happened in your life."
"You may be right. But I can't just forget my part in that."
"I know. But what do you want to do about it ?"
"I don't know." He took a moment and continued. "If only I had left CTU when I had the chance… If I hadn't put another foot in that damn building none of this would have happened."
They stayed there, side by side, without saying a word during a long moment. The sun was setting and the room started to grow dark. She put her head on his shoulder. He put his arm around her hip and with his other hand he caressed her hair, then her cheek and kissed her hair. She raised her head slowly and they looked at each other. Jack was still caressing her cheek. They approached their face and their lips finally came in contact. He kissed her passionately. They started a series of kisses, all more passionate than the one before. He was unbuttoning in a slow motion her shirt when someone knocked at the door. They stopped and sighed.
"You don't have to open," Audrey said. He smiled.
"No... Stay here; I'll see who it is."
She re-buttoned her shirt while he was walking to the door. He opened it and stayed still, surprised. He didn't know if he was happy or not.
"Hi," this person said to break the silent. They were both embarrassed. "You must be surprised to see me here ?"
"Yeah... I am."
"I'm sorry to come here unexpectedly. I needed to talk to you. May I come in ?"
"Hm... sure, don't stay out, come in," he answered.
"Oh !" she exclaimed softly when she saw Audrey in the room. "I'm sorry, hi Audrey."
"Hi Kim," she said gently with a smile.
"I knew it wasn't the right time..."
"No, no. I'll let you alone with your father. I'm sure you have a lot to talk about," she said as she stood up from the couch.
"Audrey," Jack said holding her arm back. "Stay. Please."
He looked at her; she didn't need another word to understand that he truly wanted her to stay, that he wanted to be with her.
"Jack, it's ok. If you want I can come back... let's say in an hour ?" she finished after having looked at her watch, always with her other hand in Jack's. After a moment, he gave up.
"Fine," Jack eventually said full of regrets.
"I'll see you later. Bye Kim."
"Bye," Kim answered before Audrey left the apartment.
They stayed there a moment, silent, before Jack eventually asked politely,
"Do you want something to drink or... ?"
"No, thanks I'm fine."
"Then, take a seat."
She sat down at the table and the situation seemed to be more awkward for Jack than for Kim.
"So... what was she doing here ?" Kim asked as if nothing was the matter.
Jack turned around and looked at her.
"What ?" he exclaimed surprised that she dared asking that. He gave a forced laugh and continued, "I think it's my business, not yours."
She kept silent; she understood that it would be more difficult than she had thought to say what she had to. And that their conversation would be tense.
"Why do you respond like that ?" she asked already annoyed by his behavior.
"And how am I suppose to respond ?"
"Look, I'm sorry if I hurt you yest-..."
"Yes, you did," he said cutting her off and looking bitterly at her a moment, before moving his look away and sighing.
"Look, I didn't come here to start a fight... but to apologize. I pondered about how I treated you yesterday. I was still stunned by the news when I saw you. On the other hand, you keep repeating to me that I have to understand you but put yourself in my position for once and try to understand me too. Mum is dead because of this job and you were supposed to be dead, once again, because of CTU. I had to live during a year and half without a parent around me, someone who could have helped me like a mother or a father. You lived in your place, you were alive but you weren't there when I needed you. And when I saw you yesterday, I thought about all these moments when in fact you could have been with me. How do you want me to trust you now ? You lied to me. Your bigger lie in your life has been to your own daughter, me !"
"But apparently you prefer when I'm not around you so where's the problem ?"
"I still don't understand why you didn't tell me you were alive. I'm happy that you are, but..."
"Really ? It doesn't show up !" he said bitterly.
"But I can't just pass over your silent during an entire year."
"You told me you pondered about how you behaved yesterday but you react exactly the same! When will you understand that if didn't tell you anything it was in order to protect you ? Look at the people who knew I was alive. Where are they now ? They are all about to be buried, except for Chloe. That's where you'd like to be ?"
"Well, you'd have just one ride to go crying on a single grave. Oh, I forgot ! You didn't really go on Mum's grave last year..."
"STOP !" he yelled interrupting her once again and hitting on the table. "Who the hell do you think you're talking to ? Damn it Kim, you go too far !" He started to speak normally without yelling anymore. "You can't talk with me without hurting me, without making me feel responsible for what happens in your life. I hope you realize that. And if you can't do otherwise, you don't need to apologize."
"I just said that..." Once again she was interrupted.
"You make it sounds as if it had been the easiest thing to do for me… to give you up and to disappear." His voice started again to be firm but had a little vibration in it. "If you think so, you're wrong. I had to make this decision in a few seconds, at worst, a few minutes : to let everything and especially every person that I cared about behind me, knowing that I wouldn't ever see them again, that they would live their life thinking I'm dead..." he stopped, took a little moment and continued, Kim remaining silent. "In the first year, I lived in my car, Kim. I had nothing. I met Chloe a couple of times to get information about you. When I think about that... she's the only person that I met during that time, and she's the only one who is still alive now. And no, no I didn't go on your Mum's grave, because I couldn't. And if only you knew how bad I felt because of that... It's been seven years now and I think about her all the time and I still feel responsible for her death. So if you have nothing to say to me except criticizing me or to teaching me a lesson, I think you can walk away 'cause that's not what I need."
"Yeah... you need a kind of 'affection', right ? That's why she was there..."
"Get out," he simply said cutting her off. He wasn't yelling. He was simply resigned. "Get out of here."
He walked to the door seeing that she was not moving. He opened it without even giving her a look. And before she put her first foot outside the room, he held her by the arm and told her looking bitterly in her eyes : "She was there for me when I came back. You weren't." She fixed him a moment and he let his daughter go.
He didn't move, he stayed completely still, just trying to understand why it always went so bad between them and if there were any chance to rectify that. He eventually, but slowly, closed the door as if he wouldn't really want to because that would mean the end of a possible comeback. He paced in his room a long time thinking again and again about this conversation and especially about one precise reproach from his daughter
