Disclaimer: Not mine, which is a good thing, cause I'm obviously an abusive type.
This is just something really random that wouldn't stop scratching at the back of my mind. Hope you'll enjoy :)
Let me tell you something. If you think you've got it hard, try being a woman living with five overly muscled men with issues. You wouldn't last a day. Good thing I'm a total screw up, because I would slaughter them in their sleep. Although I've kind of got used to living with them already, I still miss my regular, peaceful life sometimes. You know. Spying, killing people, stuff like that. It's much more safe and quiet. You don't believe me? Of course you don't. Well, see for yourself. Come on. Let's start with the kitchen. Look. It's Tony, installing a camera in the wall, so he can fap to Steve bending over the dishwasher later. Sick bastard still does it alone, because he's afraid he'd be the bottom. And there's Thor, taking out half of our fridge, so he can take it to his room and feed Loki. Poor guy still thinks we have no idea, that he's hiding him in his closet. Okay, let's move on to the living room. Meet Steve, currently in a catatonic state, after discovering the internet. If Tony was any smarter, he'd know that now is his only chance of nailing our precious virgin. But I don't like to meddle. And I think Stark is a total bottom. Whatever. Hawkeye should be in the gym. The only two places he frequents are the gym and my bedroom. So unless you want to watch him sweat, let's go to the lab. Oh, you want to? You wish, bitch. The lab. Here's our cute mascot, Bruce. He's currently working on something I don't care about. It helps him relax, I guess. And I don't blame him, considering how Tony loves to poke him with sharp objects whenever he sees him. Once, he succeeded in pissing Bruce off, and he ended up flying through three or four walls. Without his armor. But he was happy, because we felt a bit sorry for him, and convinced Steve to nurse him back to health. Some men are so easy to please. Anyway, as you can see, our daily lives are pretty boring. For, like, an hour a day. Trust me, something will happen any moment. Just wait.
"I am fed up with being in a closet all the time, Thor! I cannot bear it any longer! They know I am here, you are simply too stupid to acknowledge that!"
"What's going on, Natasha?"
"Nothing, Bruce. Loki finally came out of the closet."
"I thought he was always out."
"No, no. The actual closet. Thor's closet. He finally came out. Maybe he didn't like the food."
"Perhaps. Oh well, it's not like we didn't know he was there. I just hope he won't cause any trouble. I am a little grumpy today."
"Woman!"
"Yes, Loki? Oh, have you gained weight?"
"No! Have I? This would better be a bad joke of yours, woman. Now, could you explain to this oaf, that all of you were completely aware of my presence, ever since this imbecile brought me here? I am already desperate enough to ask you a favor, so please do not add to my suffering. I am sure we can come to agreeing on an adequate form of payment later."
"Is this the truth, lady Natasha?"
"Yes, Thor, we knew all along. You aren't exactly the most discrete man alive. Certainly not in bed."
See how he blushes. See how the other one smirks. Smug bastard and a retard. A match made in heaven. Or Valhalla or whatever, if you will. This is sickeningly sweet. I will need a good hetero screw later, to pound these crushingly gay images out of my head. I need it every night, to be honest. Oh, here comes Tony. Done with the installations, I see. Oh no, he brought his screwdriver. I bet you twenty bucks, he'll try to poke Bruce with it. Maybe he's trying to hide his bottom-ness with it, like with everything he does basically, at least in his own eyes. Ah, he poked him. Now Bruce is all over the place. He did say he was grumpy today. But I don't like to meddle. And I like seeing Stark getting hurt. Whatever. Let's grab the Norse lovebirds and take Steve someplace safe, since he can't move by himself yet. The internet is scary, when you think about it.
"Hello, Captain Rogers! Let us go for a stroll, yes?"
"No, Thor. I don't want to live on this planet anymore..."
"That, too, is fine. We shall take to Asgard."
"Is the internet there?"
"Whatever you are speaking of, my friend? This is the first I have heard of such thing. If you are so afraid of this internet, I assure you, you shall be safe in Asgard. Now, let us go. Sir Bruce is in his green form, and trying to annihilate sir Tony, as we speak."
"What? Did Tony poke him again?"
"Indeed he had, now get up, maggot."
"What is Loki doing here?"
"He came out of the closet."
"Oh. Is Tony wearing his armor?"
"I believe he is not, my friend. Please, we need to hurry."
"But Tony will get hurt if he's not in his armor! He's so small!"
"That was funny."
"Natasha! At least laugh, if you think this is funny! Which is not."
"Sorry. Not really."
"He himself is at fault, maggot. If you wish to live, then follow us."
"No! I have to save Tony!"
Oh, fantastic. More gayness, and of the heroic kind, too. At least he got over the internet. Everything's well, etc. I just hope he won't go change in the tights first, because that would be too much. Steve is generally nauseating. He's worst than a saint, because he's good-looking. He's blinding with his goodness, really. Only Tony would be scum enough to want to corrupt him. And Loki, if he still had any interest in anything. Which he doesn't have, because it's pounded out of him four to five times a night. I almost feel sorry for him. Almost. Oh, Steve and Tony are back. More or less intact. Less than more. Of course, Tony doesn't have the decency not to grope Steve's ass, almost as if he wasn't a damsel in distress here, ungrateful bastard. Oh, whatever. Finally, we can go somewhere, and wait for Bruce to calm down. Maybe this shawarma place. Hopefully, it'll be less awkward than the last time. Did I forget about something? I don't think so. Alright. Thanks for coming by. Not really. Get lost.
Extra:
When Hawkeye finally emerged from the gym, the whole place was dark and quiet. He heard something move, and he cursed himself for leaving his bow and arrows in the gym.
"Hello? Is anybody here? Nat? Guys?"
Then he heard a low growl, and gulped.
"Oh. They left me with the Hulk. Again..."
