Kat and I met when we were in third grade. Think American schooling system, we weren't even accepted into Prency yet. Kat had stumbled over me because she couldn't see over the bucket of balloons filled with paint. In her defense, I shouldn't have been sitting in the middle of the sidewalk with my baseball bat thinking of the best way to damage the Datsun B210 in front of me. But the owner of the car was a douchebag who had been harassing a friend of mine who was in 8th grade. It wasn't until later that I found out that Kat was also friends with her, compelling her to fill up balloons with paint and plan to throw them at the guy's car. If you're from some other country, don't think that all American 8 year olds bash up their teacher's cars, although if you ask me, if some 40 year old guy who looks like the only action he's ever got was from his hand and a hooker in a dirty motel room was harassing a 14 year old girl, they should mess that shit up.
So back to the first time we met. Luckily, when Kat fell, few of the balloons fell on the car and not on me. We stared at each other for the longest time before she reached into her bucket and held a balloon out to me. I took it from her and stood up. With careful aim, I threw it and watched as it burst open on the windshield. We were splattered with some paint but I didn't care. I hated the shirt I was wearing anyway. My brother had picked out my clothes that morning, so I barely flinched when the paint hit my Barbie T-shirt. Even then I hated Barbie dolls. But Kat looked like she was about to cry so I handed her my baseball bat. Smiling nervously, she took a swing at the car…and completely missed. She was seriously 3 feet from the car and she missed. It had taken every pint of my will-power to laugh. I must admit, I was a pretty good actor. I still am, but that's not the point. I helped her get a better grip and together, we smashed in the passenger-side window. I was surprised that the alarm didn't go off.
Smiling shyly, she handed me back the bat. She had to admit I was better. She reached into her bucket and threw a balloon at the car. After that, it was pure chaos.
We were panting an hour later while looking at our masterpiece. Swirls of blue, red, and a whole bunch of other colors covered the interior and exterior of the car. Drops of paint were splattered all over the sidewalk. I had made sure that every window was broken so there were shards everywhere. I had grinned at her and said,
"Ready for the final touch?"
She had looked at me, confused. Smiling, I had pulled out a funnel and a Ziploc bag half filled with sugar from my bag. I knew that I had to explain when the expression had remained on her face. I held up the bag and said,
"If I pour sugar into the gas tank, I'll ruin the engine and he won't be able to use this car ever again."
She had smiled, took the funnel from my hand, and stuck it in the gas. Carefully, I had emptied every last grain of sugar in the tank and closed the lid. When I had looked up, Kat had this weird look on her face.
"What?" I had asked.
"I kinda wanted to write something on the car." Smiling shyly, she pulled a can of spray-paint out of the bucket. I had stepped back and watched as she wrote "Pedophile" on the passenger side.
We threw away all evidence in a dumpster. Then, Kat bought us ice cream, and ever since then we had been friends.
…
I was eleven when Kat and I were accepted into Prency Preparatory School for Witches and Wizards. We both got our acceptance letters at the same time. It was the day after her birthday and we were sitting on my couch, watching SpongeBob, when two owls, one tan and one grey, flew in through my window and proceeded to drop the letters on our laps. Then, as quickly as they came, they were gone. Kat was still cursing them when I opened my letter.
Dear Ms. Grave,
We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Prency Preparatory School for Witches and Wizards. Please find enclosed a list of all necessary books and equipment.
Term begins on September 1. We await your owl by no later than July 31.
Yours sincerely,
Esmeralda Thurman
Headmistress
I stared at the paper, awestruck, until I noticed there was a second page. Turning the paper around, I read the following:
Prency Preparatory School for Witches and Wizards Supply List
UNIFORM
First-year students will require:
sets of plain work robes (black)
plain pointed hat (black) for day wear
pair of protective gloves (dragon hide or similar)
winter cloak (black, with silver fastenings)
Please note that all pupil's clothes should carry name tags.
COURSE BOOKS
All students should have a copy of each of the following:
The Standard Book of Spells (Grade 1) by Miranda Goshawk
A History of Magic by Bathilda Bagshot
Magical Theory by Adalbert Waffling
A Beginner's Guide to Transfiguration by Emeric Switch
One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi by Phyllida Spore
Magical Drafts and Potions by Arsenius Jigger
Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them by Newt Scamander
The Dark Forces: A Guide to Self-Protection by Quentin Trimble
OTHER EQUIPMENT
1 wand
1 cauldron (pewter, standard size 2)
1 set glass or crystal phials
1 telescope
1 set brass scales
Students may also bring and owl OR a cat OR a toad.
PARENTS ARE REMINDED THAT STUDENTS ARE NOT ALLOWED TO BRING MUGGLE WORLD TECHNOLOGY (COMPUTERS, CELLPHONES, ETC.)
"Well fuck a duck" was the first thing I said after reading. I found it difficult to think about the letter with Kat ranting about the "goddam owls flying into the fucking living room". Flustered, I said,
"Kat, I know you're black and everything, but you just turned ghetto on me. And I know owls flying around in New York aren't usual but can you shut up for a second? I just found out we got accepted into magic school". Kat turned to me, eyes wide.
"What?"
"Ma-gic school." I repeated, emphasizing the "O"s in "School". She turned her eyes to the envelope in her lap and I laughed as her hands ripped it to shreds to get to the letter. When she finished reading, she looked at me, still amazed.
"I feel like I've been living under a rock this whole time", she said.
"Me too."
At that moment SpongeBob's theme song came on.
"Oh, who lives in a pineapple under the sea?"
Kat and I burst out laughing.
The End (for now)
