The door slammed… Rapid steps and heavy breathing is all I could hear turning to face a customer. Before I could see the visitor I was grabbed by shoulders and strongly shaken several times. So familiar and painful. Then a close embrace. I can feel my eyes widening with amazement, but I pulled myself together and break the embrace. Soft smile is displayed on my face, and tranquil voice sounds from my lips:
My dear detective, I see your manners are still a little rough.
He is looking at me for several seconds and then takes his hands of my shoulders.
D, didn`t you know, that I`ve been looking for you all this time?
Have you? No, I didn`t, – of course I did. You`ve been searching, and I`ve been running for two years. I just hesitated this time.
Didn`t…, - Leon repeats and steps away. – Now you do. I`ve been looking for you these two goddamn years. D, how could you do that? You left us, me and Chris. You…
Why? – I gently interrupt.
"Why" what? – your voice sounds a little confused.
Why have you been looking for me?
Because… D, I… Dammit! – deep breath. I`ve never seen so much perplexity on your face. My dear… detective. – Because I love you, that`s why. – The voice is high and stressed, that was hard for you to say. And even harder to admit.
I hide my hands deep in the cheongsam and clench my fists. The phrase I desired and feared the most has been said, and there is no going back. Yes, I desperately wanted to hear that from you, but at the same time I prayed never to hear that words. A kami and a human. My grandfather would have a great laugh taking this as a good joke. I raise my head, looking into your eyes and trying to say something, I have no idea what exactly. Before I make a sound you place your finger on my lips and shake your head.
Don`t answer now. I`m heading to the park and will be waiting by a bench near the lake. Come there, if… well, if you want. I`ll be waiting until 5 p.m., and then I fly back to Los Angeles. My flight is at 7 p.m. I hope you`ll come, - the last words were almost whispered.
You look at me intensively and then swiftly leave the shop. After the door closes behind you, I finally can limply sink on the floor. Something wet on my face makes me reach and touch my cheek. Yes, that`s a tear. A second tear in my life is dropt over a man, one man. I guess it`s only his privilege.
I can`t do anything properly until 5 p.m., constantly skewing on a clock. At 4 p.m. I make tea and sit down to a table. My hands shiver, and a porcelain cup slips from my fingers and crashes on the floor. I`m looking at the shatters, then on the clock, closing my face with the hands and whisper:
I`m sorry, my dear, that`s not possible. It is, isn`t it, grandfather?! - I suddenly bit my lip in fright, no, I don`t want grandfather to be here now.
At 5 p.m. I stop my ears, trying to block the sound of the clock. I go to the bedroom and try to fall asleep, but it`s not working and I know that. At 7 p.m I jump from the bed, but then weakly sit back and whisper to myself again, that "it`s better this way".
Next morning I spend taking care of the animals as usual, but at 5 p.m. prompt I leave the shop, "for a walk" as I say to myself. I`m not surprised when I find myself by the bench near the lake in the park. Taking a deep breath, I sit down on the bench and stare at the calm surface of the water. Drop. With a wince I look at my hand with a shining drop on it. Lick it, salty. I knew it. What have you done to me, Leon? What have I done to you? It was all a big mistake, I should have run away the day I realized I enjoyed your presence. Too late now.
After two hours I come back to the shop, sit down on a sofa and instantly fall asleep. Next day everything goes quite ordinary, except one fact, that at 5 p.m. prompt I shoot through and go to the park, to that bench by the lake and sit there for several hours. And there is a drop again. Why only one? It doesn`t matter anyway.
Next morning I freeze in a confectioners shop down the street, when I hear news from a radio about a plane crash two days ago to Los Angeles at 7 p.m., right on schedule. 209 – dead, survivors– none. From the confectioners shop I head straight to the park. I sit down on the bench and wait for a tear. There it is, one, two, three. What is that? Tears running down my face, and I cannot stop them. All I do is repeating the words from the radio news in my head. Leon… Leon! Embraced myself I sink down on the ground and weep aloud. Why? Why did I let you do? How could I? I did want, with all my heart I wanted to come to you. And then… I still had a chance to catch you in the airport. 209 – dead, survivors – none.
When I get back to the pet shop, I don`t even make it to the sofa, I slid down the door and stare into vacancy and darkness, that`s around me. Tell me, Leon, is it as dark there as it is here? No, it cannot be. Someone like you cannot find himself in a dark place like this. There should be light and bright around you. And a lot of beer. That thought makes me laugh through tears.
When I wake up, it`s bright outside. Morning. Tottering I stand up and go outside. I don`t see where I`m going, few people on the street follow me with surprised eyes. I must look strange to them: a young Chinese in a fine cheongsam, with stray hair and red eyes. But I don`t care about that. When I reach the bench, I heavily sit on it and lower my eyes down on my knees. Why do I keep coming here? Why haven`t I remembered about the animals? What am I trying to prove or do, coming here? Or is it some kind of a confession? Or is there still a hope in me? A flash of hope, which should have died two days ago. To be honest, it shouldn`t have appeared at all.
You smooth faced bastard.
Like in a dream, or maybe it is a dream, I turn my head and with sob press a hand against my mouth. I don`t remember how, but next moment I`m weeping on your chest, and you caress my hair. Still not quite believing this reality I stroke your cheek and kiss you. I can feel your surprise at first, but then I feel the warm arms around my body. Finally separating from you, I whisper quickly:
Leon, I do, I love you too. Don`t go. Please!
That`s my line, don`t you think?
Seeing your happy smile I cannot hold a smile myself. You carefully take my hands and sit beside me on the bench.
But Leon, your flight! I heard on the news, that the plane crashed and nobody survived. I thought…though…
You bury your nose in my hair and murmur:
You won`t believe it, but I was simply short of money for the ticket. All this time I lived right here, sleeping on this damn bench and working days.
With s close grip I hold your collar and heatedly whisper:
Remind me never give you any money. You won`t need them. I… I won`t let you out of the shop anymore. You understand?!
I hear your quiet laugh and reach for your warm lips again. I don`t care anymore, if it`s all wrong, and if my grandfather may not be pleased with me. I love that man. And I`ll take care about him, so that the grandfather won`t ever get him. I`ll find a way to give him immortal life, I have animals who can realize it. I won`t make a mistake again.
I won`t let you go, Leon.
