This story is based on a bit of homework I did when I was about fourteen. We were asked to write a modern version of a fairy tale. I think I got a D for this effort. I was told it was too long (more like 13,000 words than 3,000), too rude and that I was only actually supposed to rewrite one fairy tale. I kind of stopped bothering with school after that. (Not just because of that, but that was their general attitude every time I started to show enthusiasm for a subject.)

But I never really thought this story was quite as bad as my teacher said, so I've changed the names of the characters so they're all Casualty characters and added various minor roles for other characters. I've kept the plot and most of the writing.

I hope you like it more than my teacher did.


"I've changed my mind," said Lofty Chiltern. "I'm not going."

Lofty, Zoe Hanna and Robyn Miller were watching the school basketball team, but when Lofty made his announcement, not even the fine selection of male bottoms on the school basketball court could hold their attention. Not even when Jack Diamond made a big show of wiggling his bottom as he applauded a goal from Jez Andrews. Jez ran over and kissed him.

Lofty sighed. If only he had the courage to be openly gay like Jack and Jez.

"Lofty, you have to go," said Zoe. She was slightly annoyed, although not surprised, that she had to explain this to Lofty all over again. "Everyone's going to be there."

Robyn nodded earnestly. "Please come. It won't be half as good without you, Lofty."

"Besides," said Zoe, "I thought Dylan asked especially if you were going to be there."

"He did," said Lofty, unable to help smiling at the mention of Dylan's name. "But he really only wanted to know if my sisters were going."

Zoe shook her head dismissively. "He doesn't fancy those ugly slappers."

Connie and Louise Chiltern were actually rather beautiful with their dark hair, attractive curves and impossibly long and shapely legs (not to mention an impressive array of footwear, though Zoe insisted she wasn't jealous), but as Connie's ex, Jacob Masters, knew to his cost, Connie and Louise's beauty was only skin-deep.

"Of course Dylan doesn't fancy your sisters," said Robyn. She grabbed hold of Lofty's arm. "He likes YOU, Lofty. I KNOW he does."

"Robyn, be quiet! I don't want the whole floor to know I'm gay." Lofty glanced round worriedly, but the corridor was empty. "Dylan's straight, anyway."

"Dylan is so not straight," said Zoe. "Have you seen those shirts he wears?"

Lofty had seen them. He'd had many fantasies about tearing them from Dylan's fit body. He sighed. "Even if he's gay, it doesn't mean he fancies me. He could have any girl in the school, and probably half the guys too."

"Dylan? Any girl in the school?" Zoe laughed. "He's a nice guy when he's not biting your head off, but… no."

Lofty had to admit he liked the idea of going to the party and seeing Dylan, but what if he saw Dylan dancing with a girl? Or a guy: maybe that would be even worse. "I can't go. I wish I could, but it's different when you're not out."

"You're going," said Zoe. "If you want to ignore Dylan all night, that's up to you. But if you won't go, Robyn won't go, and that could ruin her chances with Ethan."

"But I don't have any chances with Ethan," said Robyn, "so me and Lofty might as well stay at home and do each other's hair."

"Oh, you two!" said Zoe in exasperation. "Don't you have any self-confidence between you?"

"Ethan did invite you especially," Lofty reminded Robyn.

"He invited our whole year," said Robyn. "He even invited Lily Chao and everyone knows she never goes anywhere."

"He didn't ask the whole year," said Lofty. "It was those prats he hangs out with who did the invites. The only person Ethan invited in person was you."

Zoe smiled in satisfaction. "Yes, so you can't let Robyn down now, Lofty, can you? It's not as though I'm going to be around to look after her. I'll have other things to do."

"Do you mean you've got a date?" said Lofty.

"There's no need to sound so surprised," said Zoe.

"So, tell us who he is," said Robyn. "Do we know him? Does he go to our school? What's he like?"

Zoe sighed. "What is this: twenty questions? Do you want to know what kind of shower gel he uses too? Not that I know what kind of shower gel he uses," she added quickly.

Robyn's face fell. "I just thought we could give you advice and stuff."

Zoe patted her shoulder kindly. "That's a nice thought, Robyn. When you've actually been on a date – with Ethan – I'll listen."

"I know about going on dates," said Robyn. "I've read about it in magazines."

"I know you have, Robyn, but Zoe knows what she's doing," said Lofty. "She's been out with millions of guys."

Zoe looked pained. "Millions?"

"Hundreds? Is that better? A healthy high average anyway." Lofty quickly moved on to less offensive matters. "So, who is he? Anyone we know?"

"He's in Year 13," said Zoe. "But it's not really a date. Cal just said that maybe he'd see me at the party, and I intend to see there's no maybe about it."

The appalled silence wasn't the response Zoe was hoping for, but she couldn't say she was surprised.

"Cal?" Robyn said at last.

"Not – that Cal," said Lofty.

Zoe sighed. "Do you know any other Cals?"

Robyn opened her mouth.

"As in Cals I'd be seen dead with," said Zoe.

Robyn closed her mouth.

"And, if the rumours are true, Zoe," said Lofty, "you just might be seen dead with him."

"Rumours. Exactly," said Zoe. "Rumours aside, what's Cal actually done? Besides hanging round and looking dodgy."

"He got into a fight with that guy whose car he tried to steal," said Lofty.

Zoe sighed. "He thought it was his dad's car. He thought the car owner was trying to steal it. And who hasn't been in a fight? Apart from you two."

"Ethan," suggested Robyn with a smile.

"Even Ethan's been in a fight if you ignore the fact he didn't fight back," said Zoe.

Robyn stopped smiling. "Poor Ethan." Her voice shook. "Why would anyone do that?"

"Robyn, it happened two years ago," said Zoe. "You didn't even fancy him then."

"But why…"

"Because he's a geek," said Zoe. "I know that's not a good reason, but that was why."

Lofty put his arm around Robyn. "But he's fine now, Robyn. He doesn't even remember."

"Are you sure?" said Robyn. "I don't think I'd be able to forget if six Year 10s knocked me unconscious and stole my limited edition signed copy of Guy Self's autobiography and sold it for £5000 on eBay."

"He had concussion," said Lofty. "He only remembers the part about eBay. And I'm sure it was only £500."

Robyn looked at Zoe. "Wasn't Cal one of the guys who attacked him?"

Zoe shook her head impatiently. "That's just a rumour. He wasn't even at our school then. He was still in the juvenile detention facility. Leave the poor guy alone. No wonder he skulks about like a stalker if people go around spreading rumours like that."

Lofty spoke tentatively. "We're just telling you to be careful. We're not telling you not to see him. For one thing, we know it's a complete waste of time telling you not to do anything."

"You're right about that," said Zoe with a smile. "So, let's talk about something more interesting, Lofty. Like what you're going to wear to Ethan's party."

Lofty mumbled something about jeans and a t-shirt, but neither of his friends looked impressed.

"I could lend you something," said Robyn. "What about that dress I wore to your 15th?"

Lofty was silent. He liked Robyn's dress a lot, and they all agreed it suited him better than Robyn, but… to wear it to a party? With people other than his friends there?

"No-one would recognise you," said Zoe. "The lights will be dimmed, and most people will be drinking, and you'll have loads of makeup on."

"We could say you're our friend Benjamina," said Robyn. "Come on, Lofty. You'll have a great time."

"Well…" said Lofty.

"So that's decided," said Zoe. "I'll lend you some shoes as we're the same size. You'll need to come over extra early because you'll have lots to choose from! I don't have any hair extensions in your colour, but…"

"I have," interrupted Lofty. "I bought them on eBay with Louise's debit card."

"That was so clever of you!" said Robyn. "I hope you didn't get into any trouble."

Lofty gave a nervous smile. "Not yet. But if she does find out and she does kill me, at least I won't have to go to the party and embarrass myself in front of Dylan."

"Oh, I'm sure she won't kill you," said Robyn comfortingly. "She'll be much too busy enjoying torturing you. But seriously, well done on getting the extensions. Wasn't he brave, Zoe?"

"It's a start," said Zoe. "But one day, I will make you go into Accessorize and buy something in person."

Lofty looked like he'd quite like to throw himself out of the window.

There were worst places to land than on top of the basketball team, after all.