(Dabble. Early season one.)
disillusion glow
Alison likes to play games.
And she's aware of that: they all are. But there's also a long list of other things that Emily's aware of, like how her heart thuds painfully hard in her chest when she thinks of A and not in an entirely unpleasant way, or that she recognizes the way Maya keeps looking at her because the expression was all over her own face about a year ago, or the sickening fact that she keeps thinking of Alison in present tense, like the other girl isn't buried deep in the earth.
During the day she plays pretend. She goes to school, meets up with her friends – she's not entirely sure hr and the rest of the girls are friends again, but there's really no one else to talk to – and tests herself to see how far she can go before breaking down. And though she denies it even to herself, she keeps her eyes open for any sign of that familiar color of blonde.
Maybe she really is out there somewhere. Maybe she's only playing another game, waiting for them to catch up, seeing who believes in her the longest. Or, another part of her mind says (and they're always battling each other viciously), she really is dead in the ground and someone else is walking around, keeping an eye on them. Someone Alison trusted. Someone she passed along secrets to.
It's those kinds of thoughts that have Emily racing to the bathroom, barely managing to get in and pull the toilet seat up before emptying the contents of her stomach and no, she can't keep dinner down tonight either.
It doesn't matter if Alison is gone – she still holds the threads, making the rest of them dance after her. Because the dead girl brought them together when she was alive and it's not surprising that she's the one who does it now, too. The million dollar question is, for what?
Even in death, she thinks, Alison plays games.
