So, Holly J graduated. I'm particularly sad about that…and Sav. I will miss those two so much, more than the other seniors, and I will forever be upset that we never got to know what happened to Dolly J. So, I'm making up my own ending.
I know, I know. This is crazy, right? The first time I will be writing outside of EClare and their surrounding story lines. I just hope I can do Holly J justice because this is in her point of view. This is a one-shot.
I don't own Degrassi…if I did we would follow the seniors out into the world so we would never have to let go of them. Seriously, I cried so hard at graduation.
To say that Yale was hard was like saying that I was only kind of a perfectionist. But I had survived my first semester with all A's…just one B to drag down my GPA slightly. Although, I tried not to be too upset; I really had tried as hard as I could. Math was never my best subject, but I had to take Pre-Calculus as a general education credit.
It was a weird transition…living in the States full time, but I was slowly adjusting to their lack of the Metric system and their less colorful paper money. I missed Canada dearly, but I was beyond thrilled that all my hard work was paying off. I was really at Yale perusing my dreams.
The best part was Fiona was around more than enough to keep me from becoming totally home sick. She brought me my favorite sandwich from The Dot every time she came, which wasn't as tasty when you reheated it, but I took what I could get without complaining. She brought news from Degrassi, too, so I didn't get the chance to even miss high school. She talked About Eli and the Drama club and her perspective girlfriends almost as much as she dropped hints about Declan.
Apparently he asked about me a lot.
I wanted to talk to Declan, I really did, but I was better off focusing on getting my feet solidly on the ground before I tried to sort all the emotional baggage out with the other Coyne that I loved. And the more I told Fiona this, the less she mentioned him, for which I was thankful.
I thought that as soon as I was back into the flow of school for my second semester I would give Declan a call. It wasn't like I didn't want to see him; it was just that I wasn't sure if I was totally ready to. But I did miss him, and my resolve was weakening day by day.
Either way, I was just thrilled that I wouldn't have to endure any math this semester…but I did happen to land the toughest, according to all the rumors and the website rate-my-professor, composition professor at the University. Goody…not that I couldn't handle it. All I saw was another A in my future. I was also overjoyed to be back at school. Independence was liberating, and I didn't feel quite so free under my mother's roof.
I sat down in the front row, pulling out my notebook and sipping my latte. It was early, and I was still waking up, but I wasn't too concerned about missing anything due to fatigue. The first day was always dull droning about the syllabus and what was expected of the students. That didn't differ too much from class to class; I wanted to get into the meat of our material. We were college students, after all. Could we not be trusted to read the syllabus on our own? Going over it with the professor was a waste of precious class time…a waste of my precious time.
"Excuse me, Miss. Is this seat taken?"
I almost spit out the latest sip of my latte when I heard the familiar voice, but I was able to swallow before the surprised gasp left my mouth.
"It's a free country, so I've been told. But, I must warn you, sit down at your own risk. I'm a bit of an overachiever; I might make you look bad on a daily basis," I joked, smiling up at Declan as he chuckled and settled in beside me.
"I think I'll take my chances."
"You're daring, then. I like a guy with that kind of confidence."
Declan smiled warmly at me, and I felt a blush rise to my cheeks. I hadn't expected him to be in one of my classes…that put quite the damper on my plan. I wasn't a big believer in fate, but this did seem pretty coincidental. "You look well…the surgery was perfect, I assume. I mean, you are Holly J Sinclair. I don't believe there is an imperfect bone in your body."
I knew Fiona had been keeping him informed, but it was still a little shocking to hear him reference the recent happenings of my life so casually.
"So far, so good. I still have to endure checkups with my nephrologist every other week to make sure my body doesn't decide to reject the foreign tissue, but it doesn't look like that will happen anytime soon. I feel good…healthy. Which is a refreshing change of pace, let me tell you."
"I am relieved to hear that everything went according to plan. I was driving myself insane with worry."
"That's sweet of you," I told him honestly, reveling in how easy it was to just talk to him like we hadn't severed all contact for several months. Things had always been effortless when it came to Declan, though. He wasn't perfect, by any means, but he really was a great guy. "How are you…tell me about your life."
"I'd love to," Declan perked up, getting the familiar mischievous gleam in his eye. "Over dinner, perhaps? Say…tonight at seven?"
The professor charged into the room, forcing my decision on how to answer to be a snap one. "I guess I could squeeze you in…"
"Great…just text me which hall you're living in, and I'll swing by to pick you up later."
He turned to face the professor then, closing the deal and getting the last word in our conversation. Same old Declan…
So I essentially had a date with Declan later…how did I feel about that? The way my heart beat out an irregular pace whenever I stole a glance at him only to find him watching me out of the corner of his eyes told me that I was excited. Maybe it had been silly to wait so long to find him and talk. Carpe diem, and all that. After all that I had been through I had really learned to appreciate living in the present moment…
I wouldn't fret about it, then. Whatever happened, happened, and I would survive it no matter the turn out. I was a strong woman, and I certainly didn't need a man in my life at all, but having Declan back could be nice. I guess I would find that out later.
With that decision made, I turned my attention to the complex schedule in our syllabus that Professor Park was outlining. Although there was a lot of information packed into a short amount of time none of it seemed overwhelming. Maybe all the rumors were just that…all hype. Besides, I knew from experience that Declan was an excellent study partner.
I was warming up to the idea of sharing a class with him more and more.
When the end of the hour finally rolled around Declan swiftly got out of his seat. "See you tonight," he called as he backed out of the door, and I smirked at him. There was the definite possibility that I would let myself rush back into this…damn him for being charming and suave.
I didn't let myself think about Declan during my other two classes of the day. And when I was all done I trekked back to my dorm where my roommate, Jamie, was typing away at her laptop. I set my backpack on my own desk and then flopped onto my bed with an exasperated sigh.
"Tough first day of the semester?" Jamie asked in her thick British accent. She was a genius, and had been accepted into Harvard and Columbia University…among others. Most girls found Jamie intimidating, or they thought she was a bitch, but I respected her. Hell, on some degree, I was her. We weren't best friends, we were too similar for that, but we had grown close last semester. And she was an easy person to live with. We respected each other's space, and we were both insanely organized. Not to mention she was the best editor ever. I aced every paper I turned in because of her, and she passed every single test due to my foolproof study system.
"No, that's not it…"
"Are you going to make me extract it out of you, or will you just tell me?"
I chuckled at her put-out attitude. Jamie liked everything to be straight forward…she was a no-nonsense type of person.
"I think I have a date tonight, but I'm not totally sure how I feel about it."
"Oh, boy troubles; I'm sorry I can't offer you much help. Is it anyone I would know?"
Among other things, Jamie was a lesbian. She and Fiona danced around each other in sexual frustration every time Fi came for a visit.
"Just Declan- he's actually in my composition class this semester."
"Oh, that lad you and Fiona are always chattering about, no?" When I nodded Jamie let out one, short chuckle. "Should I make other sleeping arrangements for tonight? I'll gladly let you have the dorm to yourself."
I blushed a deep red at the mere thought of even jumping in that deep so soon. "That will be entirely unnecessary, but thank you."
"I'll line something up, just in case. I don't see how this is a problem, though. Hasn't it been your plan to contact this Declan fellow soon anyway? That's what you keep telling Fiona."
"Yes, but…what if I'm not ready. I mean, I'm still dealing with the kidney, and it's a new semester, and I have all the clubs I joined that I have to worry about…"
"Holly J," Jamie started, her accent punctuating her disapproval. "It's just one date; you're not getting engaged to the man. Besides, you're fearless. Stop acting like a little girl and talk to Declan. You obviously have a lot that you need to say, and telling me and Fi is not going to help you."
I nodded firmly. Jamie was right. I was fearless, and I needed to talk to Declan. I never liked the way we left things, and he had just presented me with the perfect opportunity to change our ending. And that was that. There was no need to worry or complain. "Thanks Jamie; you're completely right."
"I usually am," Jamie cracked a smile and I laughed. She would go far in life…we both would.
I quickly sent Declan the text he had requested so he would know where to find me, and then I texted Fi to let her know I would need her to standby for an after-date recap. She texted back within the minute with so much excitement that it was enough to justify the entire date without taking Declan's feelings in account. Fiona was never pleased to be stuck in the middle of me and Declan. She much preferred when the two of us were on good terms.
I passed the hours with a little pleasure reading- Hero with a Thousand Faces by Joseph Campbell- until it was an acceptable time to get ready for the date. I touched up my makeup, and then after much deliberation, and feedback from Jamie, I decided to go causal. I slipped into a pair of jeans and topped off the look with a form-fitting V-neck t-shirt- teal to set off my complexion and hair color. After getting Jamie's stamp of approval I settled back down with my book to wait for Declan.
The knock on our door came at 7 sharp.
"Good luck; let me know if I should get lost," Jamie remind me, and I rolled my eyes at her as I slipped out the door.
"It would seem the news of our date somehow got to my sister…it's possible that she's more excited for it than we are."
"Can you blame her? She's been the middle man for a considerable amount of time now."
"This is true," Declan smiled at me, and I followed behind as he started to walk down the hall. He, too, was dressed casually. Well, as casually as Declan ever dressed. He looked quite dashing in his argyle sweater over his button up.
We didn't say anything else on the walk to the restaurant just on the edge of campus. I huddled in my padded coat, enjoying the brisk winter air. It reminded me of home.
Because it was a Monday night the restaurant wasn't too crowded, and we were seated right away. The table two in the secluded corner of the restaurant was perfect for the kind of intimate and personal talk Declan and I had coming very soon.
Always the gentleman, Declan removed my jacket and pulled out my chair for me before seating himself. "I really like the color on you, Holly J. You look radiant."
"You already got me to go to dinner with you; you don't need to try so hard at the flattery."
"Oh, but I do. I've shown you under appreciation before. I do not make the same mistakes twice, Miss Sinclair."
"If only everyone else in the world were able to claim the same…then people would stop making mistakes altogether."
"But where's the fun it that?" Declan winked at me and I giggled. I had missed Declan. I had missed his ability to make me laugh and his quick wit. I missed his charm and his style. But the space had been essential.
"So, tell me, Sir Coyne, how have you been doing?"
"Due to my lack of a social life of any kind for my last semester of Vanderbilt Prep I graduated at the top of my class. Salutatorian, in fact. Of course, I heard you managed to one-up me yet again. Congrats on being Valedictorian. You deserved it. My first semester at Yale was pretty standard, I'd say. I've just been flying under the radar for the most part, socially. Academically, I have never been more driven."
"It looks like that drive has paid off. I saw your name on the Dean's List."
"As I have seen yours; we have both been destined for excellence, don't you think?"
"There's never been a doubt in my mind," I smiled brightly at him.
Just then a waitress came around to take our order. I picked the first thing I saw on the menu…which happened to be a Caesar salad, and Declan ordered some pasta dish. When the waitress was gone again I could tell Declan was thinking very hard about something. If I had to guess, we had completely run out of light topics to discuss, and we were about to move on to the harder things we would have to work past.
"So," Declan finally spoke again after taking a sip of his water. "Whatever happened with Sav?"
"Sav and I were better off as friends. I care about him a lot, but I was never really feeling it…"
"Define 'it'," Declan requested, sensing the elusive edge in my voice and pouncing.
"I just wasn't in love with him…not like I loved you. Not like I still love you, despite everything we went through before you left."
"I'm still wretchedly sorry about that, by the way. I deluded myself into thinking you were as ready to reunite as I was. It was selfish and cruel…and I still haven't completely let go of the guilt I felt from that night."
I could see the pain in his eyes as he struggled through his touching apology. Declan never was good at being the vulnerable one, but it seemed he was getting better.
"The past is the past, Declan. We can't change it, so we might as well accept it. I have…I don't hold any grudges against you when it comes to that night."
"Thank you," Declan looked up, meeting my gaze. His pensive stare made me shiver. It was like he could see me from the inside out and he turned my insides to jelly. "I love you, Holly J. I haven't even been able to look at another girl since we stopped talking."
"I haven't felt the same about another guy since you…I don't think I ever will. But we can't rush this, Dec. That will just push us back to square one, you know."
"So we take it one day at a time. Just so long as you don't banish me from your life again I am prepared to take all the time you need. We'll go at whatever pace you feel is best."
I nodded at him, completely thankful that he understood. I wanted this to work out, so we had to carefully choose our course of action. We both had a fair amount of time to do some growing up, and we had matured in a lot of ways, but I just wanted to be sure. I couldn't afford to pick up the pieces of my heart if it was shattered. I was too busy, after all.
The rest of our dinner was filled with chat about Fiona and every detail we had missed in the other's life while we were on hiatus. It was a simple date, and it felt just right. It was just natural to be with Declan. I belonged with him, and I always had.
He took care of the bill, and I promised that I would be the one to take him out the next time.
"So there will be another date in our near future? I guess I won't put up a fuss about you paying, then," Declan had said when I insisted.
On the walk home I casually slipped my hand into his, just to see how he would handle it…how I would handle it. Declan shot me a sideways glance when I intertwined our fingers, but when he found my face unbothered a breathtaking smile illuminated his features. He gave my hand a gentle squeeze, and my heart reciprocated with a squeeze of its own.
Taking this slow would be harder than I thought. But I was committed to it, and when I committed to something I saw it through.
Declan walked me all the way back up to my room, and I paused outside the door. I didn't hear any signs of activity inside so perhaps Jamie had decided to leave just in case anyway. It was silly of her, but I supposed I appreciated the gesture.
"Thank you for tonight," I told Declan as I unlocked my door. "I've really missed you."
"You have no idea how much I've miss you, too. A world without Holly J is a world without order."
"Well," I teased, "you know what they say. Distance makes the heart grow fonder. Maybe this was all just a part of my plan."
"I wouldn't put it past you," Declan admitted as his eyes raked over my face, taking in every detail again and again. He was standing so close. I could feel his body heat radiating, bouncing off me. I let my eyes travel over his face, too. His beautiful eyes…his handsome cheekbones…his lips.
"So…goodbye," I whispered, unable to find the sound.
"I just have one more thing to say," He stopped me from walking into my dorm by curling his fingers around my wrist. My pulse started to race and I was sure he could feel it. The smirk on his face confirmed this. "Distance may make the heart grow fonder, but proximity makes the heart beat faster. I want to be the one who keeps your heart beating, Holly J."
All notions of keeping things slow and steady flew out the window because he was Declan and I was Holly J…we were meant for each other. Screw being careful; I wanted to seize the day, and I had never loved Declan more than I did at the moment. We had been through a lot to come to this moment, and I was more than ready to focus on a future; not our past.
Determined, I pulled Declan forward by his shoulders so I could place my lips over his in a heated kiss.
And then the fireworks exploded.
So, Dolly J fans, was this a satisfying ending?
