Gundam Harvest Moon

By: Lone Ronin

Summary: Gundam Wing crossover with Harvest Moon. Harvest Moon's basically a cute little SNES game (the original one) where you have 2 ½ years to restore and take care of a farm with crops and livestock while charming girls and discovering secrets in the mountains. It's a combination Sim/RPG type game.

Disclaimer: Don't own Gundam Wing or the Harvest Moon series. Wish I did.

Author's notes: Shonen ai (1+2), dark humor and mild cursing. Forgive my skewed sense of humor, I'm trying to use this as therapy for my current Harvest Moon addiction. It's in the format of a diary from Heero's perspective. Quite possibly the most bizarre crossover yet.

Year 1

Winter, Day 28: Got the most weird-ass-crack-head mission from Dr. J today. I have to go undercover as a farmer to find the whereabouts of a female spy hidden in a small farming community out in some rural space colony. All I know about the place is that there are no months, only 30 days to each season.

Winter, Day 29: Ran into some idiot who called himself Jack and didn't seem to have any last name. I sensed an opportunity when he told me he his family had just inherited his grandfather's ranch and was going ahead of his parents to care for it for the next 2 ½ years. Killed him, hid the body in the mountains and took his land deed. Guess my accommodations are now taken care of, this mission will be a snap!

Winter, Day 30: Hm, maybe this mission won't be as easy as I thought it would be. Found a run-down dump of a house, barn, chicken coop, stable and tool shed, covered with weeds, rocks and stagnant cesspools that used to be ponds. Lovely.

Spring, Day 1: Delivery guy took me into town to meet the neighbors. Took this opportunity to try and see who the spy might be. That Eve chick sure doesn't have the attitude of a simple country girl, wonder if she's distantly related to Relena. Also met this pink-haired girl named Nina; doesn't seem to be much of a threat, not too sure what she's doing on the loose without any medication. Maybe it's the result of inbreeding, there's only about 5 families in the whole area anyways. Ellen only seems interested in cooking and playing with animals, I could take her on if I had to. Ann might be up to something with that weird machinery, gave me a funny look when I asked her if she knew anything about rocket propelled thrusters for mobile suits. Maria just seems too goody-goody, she's definitely hiding something.

Spring, Day 2: Got a cute little puppy from Ellen I named Koko. After making sure he was tick, flea and listening device free, decided to teach him to hunt moles and develop a taste for their flesh.

Spring, Day 3: Bought some seeds from the flower store. The store only sells grass, turnip and potato seeds. Also sells flowers for 300G, the same kind that grows like weeds all over the mountain. It's nice to know these people think I'm a total idiot and trust me, they do think that. Nina's mom kicked me out when I asked her if she ever heard of 'diversification'.

Spring, Day 4: Was able to completely clear the field in one night. I tossed all the stones in the pond, yet the ponds never overflowed. For some bizarre reason, time completely freezes at 6 o'clock until I sleep in my bed. Really gotta analyze the logistics of this on my laptop when I get electricity in the house. At least Koko's developed a taste for moles, don't have to feed him this way.

Spring, Day 8: Mowed the grass and tried to smoke it today, but I didn't get high. Guess it wasn't that type of 'grass', after all. Planted more turnips and potatoes, both grow to full size in less then a week, seems that even here the crops have been genetically modified. I can't save their seeds either so I have to get more at the store.

Spring, Day 10: Picked some flowers for Nina, the girl who works at the flower store. Knocked her out after she got angry and chased me around, accusing me of murdering flowers. That girl has some serious issues to work through.

Spring, Day 23: Attended the Flower Festival but I wish I hadn't, what a way to learn you have hay fever. Also tried giving perfume to girls, but sneezed and spilled a bottle of the stuff all over my hand, learned in the process that violet essence gives me hives, too.

Summer, Day 7: I was in the mood for vandalizing something out of boredom today, so I took the hammer and busted open the chicken statue by the roadside, revealing a magic berry that increases strength, I think. The statue also seems to regenerate itself when I leave and come back, not sure how this works. Planted more corn, watered my crops.

Summer, Day 21: Hurricane hit the place today, not like it could get more run down anyways. It also uncovered the entrance to an underground cave of gnomes, who turned my sickle to gold. In return, I will evict them to make room to hide Wing Zero from the carpenters when they renovate the ranch.

Summer, Day 22: Finished evicting the gnomes. Well, I didn't evict them, exactly, they wouldn't leave, so I just squished them under my Gundam. It was quick and effective, but messy too. Spent the rest of the day cleaning gnome goo off Wing Zero.

Summer, Day 25: Went to the bar today after my work was done. Eve gave me some special berry juice to try. I'm not sure that was juice, since afterwards I wound up making an ass of myself hitting on Ellen. Oh yeah, watered my corn and tomato plants too.

Fall, Day 1: Found a gnome had wandered onto my property today asking for food. I fed him a poison mushroom, took his golden hoe and some G on him too, then sold him to the meat packers for even more G. Decided to buy chickens to raise with the proceeds so I don't get bored out of my skull.

Fall, Day 12: The Harvest Festival was today, took an egg to put in the stew and got a power berry after, fair trade. Also agreed to drink more of Eve's berry juice for some stupid reason, can't remember what I did or who I danced with afterwards.

Fall, Day 20: Went to the Egg Hunt today, but no one found anything. Got back to the ranch to find Duo there waiting for me at the table. Apparently he had stolen all the eggs for a prank before breaking into the house and sticking Deathscythe in the underground cave with Wing Zero, smart ass little cracker.

Winter, Day 1: A foal wandered onto the ranch today, Duo insisted on naming it Bobo. It's hard to be creative when you can only give your animals 4 letter names.

Winter, Day 10: Thanksgiving Festival was today. I think I danced with all the girls at the Harvest Festival, since they each gave me a cake. Note to self, contact the doctor. After eating 5 cakes, I'm bound to be a diabetic by now.

Winter, Day 18: Earthquake hit today, contacted carpenters again. Later that day, they commented on how pretty my wife was. Went inside to find Duo disguised in a dress he had found in the closet. Oh well, it's a much better cover for him anyways. Still, wish he'd revealed his cross-dressing streak to me at a better time.

Winter, Day 23: Thank goodness Duo makes such a convincing girl, he was able to learn where Maria will be during the Star Festival, I think she may be the spy.

Winter, Day 24: Went to the church during Star Festival, but didn't see anything suspicious beyond the preacher swiping change from the poor box. At least I got to know Maria quite well. Duo pouted and claimed I was cheating on him.

Winter, Day 30: Went to the mountain top to make a wish for the New Year and see the first sunrise. Wished I would find out who the spy was so that Duo and I could get the hell out of this messed up colony and at least relocate to somewhere with flushing toilets.

TBC