Dr.Hatori
By
Inu-Moon94
AN: I just thought of this very freaky idea since Dr.Phil sorta just popped into my mind all of a sudden since my mind was blank and all... Well, Hatori is taking the place of Dr.Phil and advising some of his troubled family members and their problems...XD! Please enjoy and R&R!
I'm gonna exaggerate the characters personality traits a lot so don't say I OOCed them out or anything. . .
Hatori may sadly end up sounding OOC as well but oh well! Just don't constantly nag me on their OOCness or else I'll kills ya. . .!
(Just kiddings. . . I will get mad or sorta mad though and it's not nice to aggravate a fanfic author. . .D )
'Kay, my anger's over now so you can now read the story and enjoy yourself for real!XD;;
!--DOCTOR HATORI SOHMA--!
Hatori walked onto the stage and sat on his black leather chair that sadly wasn't a wheelie chair like the one in his office... Sadly, he wasn't in his office either, he was instead now a very popular psychiatrist person that people messed up in the head came to...
The worst part about his brand new career was that weird problematic ladies much older than him had the hots for him and constantly swarming him... He could tell and it was his first day on the job! Well, first day on the live part anyways...
Hatori immediantly recognized his first client, it was none other than the orange-haired Cat and Outcast of the Sohmas...
Kyou Sohma! He immediantly remembered what his problem was and what the solution would be... Anger management classes that were paid and taken care of by him!
Actually, Hatori hated the fact that he had to pay for Kyou's anger management classes... Kyou lived with Shigure so it was completely Shigure's responsibility to pay for the expensive classes...
"Stupid Shigure. . . Does that guy have any clue how much those classes cost?"
But Shigure was never dependable to him no matter what and he usually ended up doing all the work, so he shook his head and very quietly sighed and sigh that was not very audible to regular people with regular hearing...
"Maybe a superhero like Superman could have heard my sigh. . ."
Hatori was sort of pissed that his crew chose Kyou to be the first person that he had to advise. After all, Kyou was related to him and what if his love... His ex-love Kana saw him advising his own cousin on the show!
It would completely bring down his dignity in front of her! He shook that thought out of his mind and looked straight towards Kyou.
"I hope that Kana isn't watching this! I don't want her to see me advising my own family member!"
Despite how the sensitive Dragon felt, he looked completely calm and even a bit cold and strict as always. He continued on looking at Kyou silently until he finally remembered his lines which was exactly in a minute.
!--DOCTOR HATORI SOHMA--!
"So Kyou... Do you know why you are here today?" Hatori asked in his usual tone.
Kyou shot a glare at Hatori and answered,"Because that Akito made me..."
Hatori knew that this would take forever so he decided to answer his question himself. "No, you are here because of your temper Kyou. You have to learn how to control it and not take it out on others."
Kyou stood up from the black leather sofa angrily and exclaimed,"I don't take out my temper on others! I only give them what they deserve!"
Hatori looked at Kyou with his coldest look that he usually only used on Shigure and somewhat commanded,"Sit down now Kyou."
"I hope Kana isn't watching this idiocracy. . . I hope Kana isn't watching this idiocracy. . ." Hatori continued on chanting that repeatedly in his mind until Kyou sat down which was in a moment.
"Take deep breaths Kyou and just let your anger vent out of you." Hatori commanded with his usual tone back.
As Kyou took deep breaths his anger slowly did fade and Hatori smiled at him. "Now Kyou, how do you let out your anger?"
Kyou looked at Hatori and answered,"I just have a fight or two... Or sometimes I storm off to the dojo and start training... That's all though..."
"Are you sure Kyou? Well, we'll see..." Hatori walked up to the grey coloured television and clicked some buttons on it to turn on a video of Kyou's anger.
Hatori found it endlessly cheap that the crew didn't even buy a remote for the television. It pissed him off how he had to pay for the treatments and they couldn't even get him a proper client let alone a remote!
"Those cheap bastards!"
!--DOCTOR HATORI SOHMA--!
The video came on and he quickly sat back down, spotting some man on his crew dimming the lights. It all seemed very corny to him, even though the audience was obviously very into the lame video that Shigure had videotaped.
Shigure promised him that he would videotape everything for him to owe him back for not helping him to pay for the treatments for all the clients that were from his home.
The video shocked Hatori completely, he had to admit that Shigure did a pretty good job at secretly videotaping the Cat's wrath.
"It's surprisingly brilliant even though it's done by such a dumb person. . ."
The video basically had some typical spazzes made by Kyou at Shigure's house but it was still amazing as to how Shigure videotaped all of the spazzes without anyone seeing him.
"I suppose Shigure really can travel into walls and disappear if he videotaped all of that. . ."
!--DOCTOR HATORI SOHMA--!
When the video was over, some man cornily turned on the lights again and Hatori got up to close the grey television.
He had to admit that Kyou's spazzes seemed pretty bad and irregular when videotaped.
"Kyou, you must admit that you do indeed throw out your anger a lot in one day... You do not just do a fight or two, you create a storm or two with many huge fights..." Hatori said, reciting all his lines that he remembered.
"Who knows why they're giving me lines like these. . . Oh well, it's all part of a day's work I suppose. . ."
!--DOCTOR HATORI SOHMA--!
Kyou had actually been given lines as well even though he doubted that he would follow them. His lines included him welling up with tears like they did in typical talk shows. Hatori also doubted very much that Kyou wouldn't dare cry or get tears in his eyes on a show that was being broadcasted all over Japan! He had heard that even a dubbed version was made of his show and was being broadcasted in North America!
Before Hatori could continue on doubting Kyou, he looked at Kyou's face and was utterly shocked and startled.
His spazzing Outcast cousin, the Cat of the Sohmas, Kyou Sohma actually got tears welling up in his eyes! On a live show!
Hatori knew that they had somehow bribed him to do that..
"But what did they bribe him with?"
Kyou looked up at Hatori with his teary eyes and said,"I know Hatori, I know... I want to stop my spazzes, I really do... But I just can't... I-I-I can't!"
!--DOCTOR HATORI SOHMA--!
Hatori spotted Kyou look quickly at the audience and he saw the anger starting to enter into him. He looked at the direction that Kyou was glaring at and saw Yuki hugging Tohru...
"Oh boy. . . He's gonna blow!"
Hatori's thought was perfectly correct. Kyou stood up from the sofa and started running towards the back of the audience. The audience was screaming and Hatori saw that it was because of a corny sign that the man who turned the lights on and off had held up.
The sign had sloppily said 'SCREAM!'.
"These people are desperate. . ." Hatori thought as he watched Kyou run to the back of the audience.
!--DOCTOR HATORI SOHMA--!
Kyou reached Yuki and Tohru who had quickly let go of their embrace when the raging Cat had came. "Yuki, what were you doing to Tohru!" Kyou asked angrily.
Yuki calmly looked at Kyou and answered,"Ms.Honda needed some comforting so I simply hugged her. I did nothing that should make you storm all the way back here."
"Why you little---!" Kyou exclaimed, curling his left hand into a fist and lunging it towards Yuki.
Yuki dodged it easily and punched Kyou in the face. The Rat and the Cat continued on fighting for a bit until Tohru exclaimed,"Kyou, Yuki, STOP! You'll get yourself hurt!"
Tohru soon stopped their fight in a few minutes and Kyou somewhat calmed down and came back to the black leather sofa, facing Hatori again.
That whole scene had been videotaped and even though Hatori seemed like he usually was, he was very embarrised.
"What if Kana saw that? What would she think?"
!--DOCTOR HATORI SOHMA--!
Hatori quickly looked at his wristwatch and realized that the show had to be finished in 10 minutes...
"Well, it'll take the rolling ending credits a minute, introducing Kyou's class would take about 7 minutes so I'll just start improvising on my lines now. . ."
"Well Kyou, do not worry for I have a solution for you." Hatori said, looking at his watch.
He was going to waste a minute on suspense since there was still a bit more time left for that suspense stuff they did in lots of shows that usually pissed people off.
Kyou glared at him and exclaimed,"What solution?"
"I have paid and taken care of very special anger management classes for you!" Hatori said, the thought aggravated him but he had to smile so he smiled.
"WHAT?" Kyou exclaimed at him in an aggravated tone. Before Kyou could start to spaz, the anger management class's teacher came and introduced herself to Kyou. She then dragged him away and he glared at Hatori, shouting things at him.
Hatori ignored him completely and said,"Well, that was Kyou Sohma. I sure hope that the classes help him turn into a person that can control his temper better than anyone in his family!"
"They better work, I paid for those expensive classes!"
!--DOCTOR HATORI SOHMA--!
All of a sudden, a very short introduction video of his next client came on the television and some narrator started saying things about...
"Hatsuharu? How far will these people go to humiliate me here?"
Hatori then remembered that it was Shigure that sent tapes that he taped to the crew of the stupid show and then they made some dumb script with it.
"That damn Shigure! Wait till I get him for videotaping one of our family members again. . . Oh well, at least he didn't videotape Kana. . ."
!--DOCTOR HATORI SOHMA--!
That thought had relieved him and all of a sudden the credits started coming and he quickly said good bye to the audience and left the stage.
The credits said many random names but his name was first and it was surprisingly as small as everyone else's names...
He saw that Shigure and Ayame's names were much bigger and didn't really mind even though he wondered why Ayame's costume shop's name, Ayame's, would be so huge for just making one little suit for him.
He also wondered why Shigure had gotten a logo and wrote his penname for the problem videotaper...
"That idiot must be wanting to get even more popular, I suppose."
Hatori quickly left the place with his script and drove over to the Main House. He was going to memorize his script in his office because it's much more peaceful and quieter plus it had Kana's picture to motivate him!
!--DOCTOR HATORI SOHMA--!
AN: That was weird, eh? The next chapter may be even weirder but oh well! The point of this story is to be weird! Like moi! Plus, the weirder a story is, the more enjoyable it becomes!XD! ((I still can't get over the fact that Dr.Phil popped into my mind! I bet I must've really been hypnotized by the songs to randomly think of Dr.Phil...XD;;))
