Notes:
Warnings: angst, fluff
Pairing: Joe Anoa'i x Reader
Note: I'm not really sure whether I want this to be a stand alone or part of a series. Still trying to decide it. :D
Originally published here: post/174221094481/try-songfic-roman-reigns-x-reader
P!nk - Try
The song used for this SongFic was Try by P!nk. Since I'm not allowed to post the lyrics here, please look them up accordingly. :-)
You couldn't really believe your ears as you turned round to your boyfriend, anger written all over your face. You were dating for a little over six months and he really had the guts to tell you right there and then that it was over. "Come again, I think I haven't heard you the first time.", you gritted through your teeth as you were glaring at him. Joe stood on the other side of the room, his face hiding any emotion as he answered: "I think you have heard me quite well baby girl. You and me… That's just not working, we should go our separate ways." You didn't know what you should feel in that moment, first and foremost anger that was for sure. But you were also beyond hurt. Sure, the relationship was kind of new but it was not like you haven't known him before. And there was always something between the both of you from the moment on, he joined your circle of friends being introduced by a mutual one. You became pretty close friends yourselves and when things went to the next level after a long night out, the both of you decided to give it a try.
You knew that with him being a pro wrestler, you had to deal with the fact that he would travel for the majority of the year and that your relationship would first and foremost be a long distance one. And you also knew that it would be hard from time to time, but it wasn't that you weren't willing to try. And yet he was standing here with you now, telling you that he wanted to break up with you for whatever reasons. "Oh I'm glad that you're realizing that now before I wasted even more of my precious time with you.", you spat out, having to stop yourself from moving over to him in order to slap him hard. "Don't play that card on me, it's better for the both of us", Joe responded, shifting his eyes away from you. You couldn't understand how he could say something like that.
The last six months, that you had shared with him, were incredible. Both of you seemed to be happy with what you were having and yet he was standing there, telling you that it would be over from one moment to the next. And he didn't even have the guts to tell you why exactly. "Well if you're of that opinion, great for you. I think you're wrong, but you are entitled to your wrong opinion. But if you want to throw everything, that we have, out of the window, at least have the guts to tell me why", you dared him as you locked your eyes with his. Joe and you might not have been dating for too long but you knew him pretty well already and you especially knew when he was lying to you. His face would darken for a second before he told you one. You were pretty sure that he wasn't aware that you have figured that out, but you were able to tell. As he told you that he had met someone and felt attracted to her, you instantly knew that it was a lie because you had seen the signs on his face.
You were moving closer to him as you said loud and clearly: "How about we try that again? But this time you don't fucking lie to me. You want to break up? Fine… But at least give me the real reason you want to end it at this point." Joe looked at you with his eyebrow crooked, wanting to know: "What are you fucking talking about? You wanted a reason, I have given you one." By now you were standing right in front of him, peeking up at his face as you hissed: "Listen Joe, don't play dumb with me. We might be dating for just a little over six months, but you seem to forget that I have known you before. You might not know or realize it, but I'm quite able to tell when you are lying to me, especially when you are lying straight to my face. You want to go separate ways? It fucking hurts but if that's what you want, I can't force you to stay with me. But if I mean at least something to you, I'm asking you to have the guts and tell me the real reason why you want to leave me." You could see that he was taken by surprise by your words. Joe was taking his time and just as you thought he wouldn't answer you at all, he explained: "I want to end it because it is better for the both of us, better for you."
"How could it possibly be better for me if the only person, I want to be with, tells me that it's over?", you snapped, not believing your ears. You were way too overwhelmed by disbelief and anger to even shed a tear. You could tell that he was struggling with giving you a good explanation but when he continued, you at least knew that he was telling the truth this time. He took a deep breath before he said: "Listen Y/N , I love you, I really do. But this here is just not fair to you. You deserve to be with someone, who can be there for you whenever you need him, someone, who comes home to you every evening and not every two weeks for a day or two, someone, who will hold you while you're falling asleep and kiss you awake when you wake up. And I just can't be that someone." You could hear the pain in his voice but that didn't really lessen your anger. "Woah stop it right here", you interrupted him, wanting to know: "Stop it and rewind. You're really breaking up with me right now because you think you're doing something good for me? Aren't you of the opinion that I should be allowed to fucking decide on my own what exactly I need? Because I can assure you, I know it quite well and it's certainly not someone being constantly attached to my butt."
By now you were pacing around in front of him like a tiger that was held behind bars. "I just want you to be happy", Joe mentioned louder than he wanted to. You stopped in your tracks, turning back at him, yelling at him: "Oh you want me to be happy? Really? If you wanted me to be happy, you wouldn't even think about ending this relationship. If you wanted me to be happy and you really loved me, you would at least be willing to try. Sure it could fail, sure we can crash and burn but for fuck's sake Joe, it's not like we're gonna die."
You could see how the Samoan's emotions had the worst of him as he yelled back at you: "Damn it Y/N, I just can't give you what you might need. Maybe not right now but in the future. I love you, god knows how much I do, but you deserve so much more than I can ever be." You had enough… If he really was of that opinion, fine. There's nothing you could do against it if he wanted to believe the lies he kept telling himself. It would hurt, you probably would break on the inside but if he wanted to leave you and your shared life behind, then he had to do so. "Okay, you want it to end. Let's end it here. I sure as hell won't spend my time convincing you that you are all I could have ever asked for. If you think that walking away will solve the problem, feel free to do so. You know where the door is, lead yourself out.", you spat out before you turned around and left the room, slamming the door behind you.
As soon as you were out of the room, tears were falling down your face as you headed for your bedroom. Right now you felt like crap and you didn't want to do anything else but fall down on your bed, crying your eyes out. You hoped that Joe would be gone by then, because seeing him again would make it even worse. You couldn't understand how he could give up everything you had, how he could let you go, how he wouldn't even want to try to make it work. You had not given him a reason once that might have led him to believe that he wasn't enough for you or that you demanded more than he was able to give you, because it was enough for you. It was perfect the way it was.
Being trapped completely in your emotions you haven't even noticed that Joe was following you instead of leaving as you had suggested. Just as you were turning around to close the door behind you in order to lock it, locking anything and anyone out for good, you were staring at the broad figure of your boyfriend. You wanted to tell him to fuck off, wanted to tell him to just leave you alone as you already felt his hands on your hips as he was pushing you back to the bed, you losing your balance, landing on the soft mattress. "What the hell?", you explained while tears were still falling from your eyes.
Joe didn't even leave you any time to process what was happening as he was drawing nearer, climbing on the bed, making you crawl away from him as you were still hurt. With one swift move he was hovering over you, pinning you to the mattress with his whole body before he whipped away your tears. Before you were able to say one single world, he stopped you effectively by kissing you with all the desperation he was feeling. You wanted to yell at him, wanted him to get out right away, but you couldn't. Instead you were responding to his kiss, pulling him closer, roaming his back with your hands. You died a little on the inside when you thought about the fact that he really wanted to go away, not willing to try.
As he broke the kiss, he studied your face, not saying a word for what seemed to be an eternity but tracing your jawline with his fingertips instead, while you were searching for an answer in his eyes as to what all of that meant. "I've been an asshole and I'm sorry for that.", he finally said as he locked eyes with you, tracing his fingertips over your lips that were red from his attack before. "You don't say", you mumbled, your voice still heavy from different facets of emotions. He took a deep breath as he continued: "No, I'm really sorry baby girl. I don't want to go, I don't want this – us – to be over. But I also don't want to be the reason you have to live a life of surrender."
You looked at him and could see the honesty in his eyes. He really feared that you would be missing out on a life, you didn't even want to have. All you wanted was to be with him and if that meant having to wait for him until he had his days off, staying in contact through phone and skype primarily, then this was absolutely fine for you. You reached up to touch his stubbly cheek as you whispered: "I'm not living a life of surrender. I have you by my side and that is all that I'm asking for. But that means that we have to try to make it work." He nodded his head as he said: "That's the least I can do… try. I love you baby and I really don't want to lose you. But I will never get rid off the feeling thinking that it just might not be enough for you." You gave him a sad smile as you answered: "It will be enough just take my word for granted on that." With that you pulled his head closer, kissing him again, hoping that he would understand. In the end there was only one thing you needed – and that was him.
