It's only ten in the morning? I feel like I've been cleaning for hours, yet time barely passed. I can't stop fidgeting when I'm nervous. I'm literally a giant ball of nervous energy!
"You're going to drive a hole on that desk is you wipe it one more time." Came a voice behind me. I didn't even notice someone coming in.
"Levi." I let go of a deep sigh, and let go of my rag. "Aren't you happy I'm cleaning?"
"Not when you're only focusing on one spot. Or doing it out of nervousness." He walked closer and sat down next to me. He looked at me, clearly encouraging me to talk.
"Tomorrow's expedition seems bleak." I said, dropping onto the chair beside his. It's barely been a month since the last one and we're off again. We've barely buried our dead – at least those that we could still burry.
"Aren't all our expeditions like that?" He smirked at that. Of course, he's right. A Survey Corps expedition is never complete without a death or more. It's not like we like it that way. Shit happens. There's still a lot we don't know about titans. Especially that a person could turn into one.
"I know." It's all I could say to that. "Did you come here to make me feel even worse?"
He grabbed my hands, which were still fidgeting, and held on to them. "Tomorrow will be different." I looked at him as if he sprouted an extra head. I can't believe it, Levi is being optimistic?
"What?" He asked, suddenly annoyed. His eyes giving that intense look I've always loved.
"Nothing." Moving to intertwine my hands with his, I went on to do our ritual. The one we do before expeditions. "Promise you won't die."
He made a face at that, a mix between sadness and determination. His grip became firmer before he answered, "I promise. Promise you won't die either."
"Promise." We both know it's pointless – we can't control anything out there. What we can do, however, is try. I was able to live through situations I never thought I could with just the thought of Levi. It makes me feel all warm inside to think that I have that same effect on him.
His hand traveled from mine to my face. "I know I tell you this every time, but be careful. Especially tomorrow, we might face the Armored Titan." He'd never say it out loud, but I can read the worry in his face. I know it's a reflection of mine.
"You too, humanity's strongest." His lips curved up at my use of that moniker. It is true, he is humanity's strongest. I've seen him fight and it was the single, most encouraging thing I've ever seen. He's like hope in human form.
Silence settled over us, and the comfort I'm used to feeling whenever I'm with him and him alone started to set it when we were so rudely interrupted.
"Oh, Captain Levi, Y/N!" It was Eld, followed by the rest of Levi's squad. Their faces redden as their eyes settled on Levi and me. Yet another intimate moment interrupted. Levi and I straightened up, and I can see just the tiniest speck of red on Levi's ears.
"Y/N, will you be having dinner with us?" Petra, ever friendly, asked. I nodded at that. It's also our tradition to stay together as much as possible before an expedition. And I like that time spent here with his squad. Having Hange as my squad leader is certainly… annoying at times. See, she's probably the only one with the guts to tease Levi.
"Ah, good evening." Eren bowed as he joined us. He looks every bit like a normal boy. Nothing that would hint at his ability to become a titan.
Everyone was a little on edge, which is a given since we'll be leaving the walls tomorrow. But not even that could stop Oluo from running his mouth of. Despite everything, it was nice having dinner with them. And certainly, sleeping in Levi's arms is something I could never get tired of.
"Black flares!" I reported to Hange as we continued our journey. We're on supply duty… or maybe canon duty? See, Erwin had the brilliant idea to capture the Armored titan, which he was so sure would appear on this expedition. However, it wasn't the Armored titan.
"It's almost decimated the whole right flank! It seems to look very feminine, aberrant too. It hasn't eaten a single soldier, but dragged a bunch of other titans with it!" The soldier reported to us. Chaotic is an understatement.
"I see. Moblit! Fire the flare!" Hange commanded, before turning over to me, "Y/N, relay the news. You know which squad."
"Yes!" Not everyone knows where Levi's squad is positioned, but I'm amongst those that do. I took off and hurried to where Levi is. It didn't take me long before spotting Levi.
"Message to pass along! Right flank recon has been destroyed! Pass this on, to the left." I told him and his team the moment I was close enough. Thing is, Levi is the only one who really knows what's going on. I had to censor the message.
"You heard Y/N Petra, go!"
"Yes, sir!" Petra dashed off to relay this info. Just when she started heading left, black flares went off.
"Eren, you fire it!" Levi commanded. I was already riding beside him the moment he finished.
"What a mess. We let it penetrate deep into our formation." Levi said softly so that only I could hear.
"It isn't the Armored one. Apparently, it's leading along a pack of titans." Black flares just won't stop from going off now. "Be careful, Levi." I told him before riding back to my squad.
"You too, Y/N."
I was amazed with how composed I was during the whole ordeal. I was able to follow Hange's every order and help set up our traps in a timely matter. And yes, not much shaking of hands now.
It didn't take long before the screams of our fellow soldiers echoed through the forest, accompanied by the heavy thumping that could only belong to a titan. In a heartbeat, Levi and his squad appeared closely followed by the titan.
"Fire!" At Erwin's command, a barrage of traps blasted onto the titan. Sparks flew and the smell of smoke wrapped around us. Levi dropped down beside me, a silent conversation going on between us, before joining Erwin on a branch above.
Attempts to extract whoever's inside the titan failed, due to its ability to harden its skin. Tsk, this is definitely harder than I thought.
"Y/N! We'll be firing the canons, aim it at the wrists."
"Yes!" Calibrating the canons is easy enough for me, and all that's left to do is to load our explosives. Finally, free enough to take a proper look around, I saw Levi atop the titan's head.
"Ooof. It's really impossible to just use blades?" I asked Levi the moment I joined him.
"Yes. But that hardly matters. Hey!" He began, addressing whoever's in this titan, "why not just come out? We don't have time to waste. So… What do you think will happen to you now?"
I looked at Levi and as I expected, his eyes have that dangerous glint that never fail to give me shivers. Seeing him like this right now makes me very excited to be back home – in bed with him. Is that weird?
"Do you believe you can escape? I wish you'd consider all the trouble we're going through… As I recall, you killed my troops in various ways. Did you find it fun? Right now, I'm having fun. Well, so are you, right? I think you can understand me. Oh right… I wanted to ask you something. Is it okay if we cut off your hands and legs? They'll grow back, right? I'm talking about your limbs, not the titan's. We need you alive, after all…"
It was possibly the most terrifying Levi has ever been, I wouldn't be surprised if –
"Gaaaahhhh!"
"Y/N! Are you alright?" Levi inquired, grabbing my shoulders.
"Yes, just startled." The titan went on screaming! Levi helped me get back to my feet before stomping on the titan. Which I doubt is the best idea.
"Levi!" I warned at the sight of three titans, sprinting towards us – well, at the titan whose head we're still on.
"I got it!" Levi said before jumping off and get rid of the new titans. We didn't get a chance to breathe, though, as more titans made their way towards us.
"Y/N, get out of there!" Levi screamed as these titans are after the same titan we were – the female titan. A blur of steam and titan limbs took over for the next few minutes.
"No!" It's a failure. I can't believe it! The female titan had other titans eat them.
"Tsk. All those deaths can't be just for nothing." Levi probably had the same thoughts as I do. It is a devastating waste of life. But what else can we do?
"I'll go get my squad. Stay safe, Y/N." All I could do was tell him the same thing.
It didn't take long before we were rushing out of the forest. My mind was a mess, which isn't great given where we were, but the flash of thunder-like light and a scream of a titan grabbed my attention.
"That's Eren's scream?" I wondered out loud… no! "Levi!"
"Y/N, stop!" Hange tried, but I'm already off my horse and on my way to where the sound and light was from. I have a really bad feeling about this!
It wasn't difficult to make my way towards them, as Eren's titan was making a racket that can be heard all over the forest. This is bad. Wherever he is, is Levi's squad. And the Female titan as well.
"Gunther?" No, this can't be… Eld, Petra and Oluo? Levi's whole squad… "Levi, where are you?" Was he able to reunite with them before? I felt cold… I feel sick. Where is he?
The steady thumping of a titan's footsteps can be heard nearby. I have to know what happened here. I got closer to where it was, and saw Levi. "He's alive!" Relief flooded me, however it was short lived. The female titan sensed Levi right behind it and went for him!
It was over in a flash. Levi blinded the titan, and severed the muscles holding it's arms up. However, I just now noticed someone else – a new recruit? She went in for the nape!
"Stop!" Levi and I screamed at the same time. I was too slow… Levi pushed her away and stopped the female titan's hand. He was able to take Eren back, and we soon found ourselves rushing back to the others.
We stopped at a field to regroup – treat the injured and take count of the bodies. The bodies that we were able to retrieve. I've almost forgotten, but everyone in Levi's squad are… gone. He was limping towards where their bodies were.
"Levi." I wanted to tell him to stop. To take care of himself first. But I understand what is going through his mind right now. They were my friends, too.
Our travel back wasn't pleasant. The dread of what's waiting for us back home is also weighing down on our shoulders. And Levi was quieter than ever.
I made my way to the dining hall and found it empty. Of course, it would be, it's only me, Levi and Eren here right now. Once I was done making tea, I went to Levi's room. Laid on his desk was a couple of Survey Corps patches.
Setting the tea set down, Levi grabbed my hand before I could pour us a cup each. I felt his need of me in his touch.
"I wasn't able to help them…" He said so softly I wouldn't have heard it If I wasn't sitting so close to him. I held his hand tighter, trying to make him feel what I was about to say.
"It's not your fault." A sight only me is privy to appeared before me. Tears welled around Levi's eyes, and he looked as heartbroken as I feel.
"I know." Where words fail us, actions didn't. I pulled him into a hug, careful of his injured leg.
He grabbed me so hard, as if I was the only connection to life and he should never let go. It started as a whimper, but soon he was crying. I was, too. What can I say? Definitely not It'll be alright. But I told him that anyway.
Calming down a little, I was able to help him take off his gear and uniform. After bandaging his ankle, we laid down on his bed. Tired physically and emotionally. We were holding onto each other so tight.
He was sniffling, still not done mourning his fallen comrades.
"It's okay to cry, Levi. In my arms, you're not humanity's strongest. You're just Levi, the man I love." I felt him nod, before kissing me. I didn't care how tearful the kiss was. All I want to do is to make him feel home.
"Y/N, thank you." I didn't know it was possible, but he hugged me even tighter. "Thank you for keeping your promise."
It was then that I decided to keep that promise forever. I'd do my best and live, I'll make sure Levi won't experience pain this great again.
