Do not own any of the characters within the story. They are the property of JK Rowling. All rights belong to her.
Days Go By
There are days that the past seems so close. He can hear voices from the past calling his name. He thinks if he can just turn around fast enough, he'll see those ghosts of his past. He will see James and Lily, holding Harry. He'll see Peter and Sirius. They will all tell him these past years have been a bad dream. He can wake up now and be happy again.
But it's not a bad dream.
On moon lit nights, he knows the truth. His pack is gone. Trapped in Moony, who mourns for his pack mates, even after all these years; he, too, mourns. Mourns for death and betrayal that took his pack away. They had once been so close. How did it go so very wrong?
As he lays in pain on the days after those moon lit nights, when the ghosts of Peter, James, and Lily seem so far away, he wonders what could have turned Sirius against them. What could have made him go back to his family's dark side? What lies did Voldemort tell? But the questions just go around and around in his head. Useless. All without answers. Just adding to the pain, because he really still can't bear to hear them after all this time. He just can't.
On rainy days, he thinks of Peter and what Peter could have accomplished if he had lived. Peter, the most timid of them, turned out to be brave after all. Peter would have done fine in the Ministry. Probably would have settled down with a Hufflepuff wife and to a quiet life. Maybe a kid or two. Or not. Peter and Harry never did get along. Peter did mention something back then that he wasn't good with kids. Ah, well. A nice quiet life with his Hufflepuff wife then with a cottage by the sea. He's pretty sure that it was Peter that wanted to live by the sea.
On windy days, he thinks of James and Lily. They would have never stopped fighting against evil, so he thinks of life without Voldemort. James and Lily would have opened their arms to more children, for their hearts were too big for just one child. A houseful of children and pets and laughter. He can so easily picture James with his sons around him, teaching them mischief. Lily, surrounded by her daughters, playing tea and teaching them her own brand of mischief. Sending scores of Potters off to Hogwarts, expecting toilet seats and such to be brought back home, as well as high marks. It is just all too easily that he can picture James and Lily as being loving parents to a brood of children.
On snowy days, he thinks of Harry. He would grow up strong and happy under James and Lily. Have a bunch of brothers and sisters, so he would never be lonely. He would go to Hogwarts knowing who he was and know all about a family. Most of all he would be loved.
But that is not the reality and those are just dreams of what should have been.
Sirius is in Azkaban. Peter, James, and Lily are dead. And Harry. . . Well, he's not even sure about Harry anymore. He only knows that Lily's sister has him and that just doesn't bear thinking on. He just wishes that he could take Harry away. But he can't, because he doesn't know where he is and those wards most certainly would probably keep out dark creatures like himself. So, he'll wait patiently and maybe one day when Harry starts Hogwarts he'll get enough courage to send a note. As for now, he'll live with the past too close and dreams of what might have been.
It's all he has left.
