Summary: Isabella Swan has been alone for as long as she can remember. She has no friends, no family, only her small successful businesses to keep her going. She's almost given up on everything, on life, but continues to hold on, hoping that one day she may have a better future, a happy one. What happens when she meets her future though? Is she strong enough to take a chance on love?
Pairing: Edward and Bella
This is a ONE-SHOT.
Miracles Can Happen
As I look around the shop, I can't help but sigh sadly. The whole bookstore has been decorated for my least favourite time of year, Christmas. Everywhere I look I am suffocated by the many decorations, not to mention the huge ass tree and Christmas carols coming from the speakers. For most people, this time of year is filled with happiness, hope, love, and joy. It's the season of giving, the season of hope. It's the time of year when people get together with their loved ones and are thankful for what they have. That is, for most people, not for me. I've never had that kind of Christmas, ever. When you think about it, it's actually quite pathetic. After all, I am 24 years old, a college graduate, and own many small, successful businesses and shops, yet I have no one to enjoy it with. I am proud to have accomplished so much at such a young age, but money can't buy you happiness, no matter what some people say. It can give you a sense of security and make you content, but it can't give you happiness, or love, two things which I am sorely missing in my life.
I have a few people I could call friends, or at least acquaintances, but that's it. No best friend to tell stories to, no boyfriend to love, no family to spend time with, no one. This is how it's always been essentially, more so after I moved out to go to college. I don't regret that decision, though, because I know that had I stayed, my life would have been horrible. I needed space; I needed to get away from everyone and everything in my life. Being surrounded by sex, drugs and abuse from such an early age doesn't exactly set a good example for you. I'm lucky I left when I did. Not that I came out unscathed, mind you- just ask my therapist. I wish things could be different though. I wish I could have a friend, a family. I wish I could have that kind of fairytale happiness that you read about and see in movies. But I've always known that fairy- tales don't come true, at least in my world.
"You're not good enough, Bella. You never will be."
"You mean nothing to me. Just pack your fucking bags and go find somewhere else to live. No one wants you here anyways, you little bitch."
I close my eyes tightly and take deep breaths, refusing to cry over things I cannot change, to break down and give them the satisfaction of falling apart. I've spent years trying to move on and get better, and for the most part I've succeeded. It's days like these though, that make me forget why I try, why I even attempt to live, and to be happy after all that I've seen and been through.
I look at the computer screen, going over the records and sales from the past week. Good, as usual, especially for it being the holiday. I can't deny that Christmas is good for business, especially at my bakery. If there's one thing I do like about Christmas, it's seeing people's faces as they find the perfect gift for someone. That happiness, that joy on their face, it takes my breath away every single time. It gives me hope that maybe one day I'll have that, too.
I'm pulled out of my thoughts by the bell jingling over the door, signaling I have a customer. While it is 8:00pm on Christmas Eve, there are always a few last minute shoppers. I can't help but smile a little though, because people are always friendlier this time of year. It's a nice change.
I look towards the man that just came in and offer him a smile and a "good evening." He smiles back at me, and I can't help but stare at him, because he has amazing eyes. He's tall, about 6 feet, with a toned body from what I can tell and bronze-coloured hair. He's definitely good-looking, not that he'd ever be interested in me. I'm smart, not delusional. I'm sure a guy like him is married by now and has children. He proves me right, too, when I see him heading towards the children's section. I just sigh and shake my head sadly, going back to the reports.
Almost half an hour later, I'm pulled from my work by his voice. "Excuse me, but do you think you could help me with something?" he asks gently. I jump, not having heard him there, and he chuckles. "Sorry, I didn't mean to frighten you."
"It's no problem. I get engrossed in my work sometimes," I reply, smiling slightly. "What can I help you with?" He looks a bit embarrassed for a second, but smiles none the less.
"I'm looking for a Christmas book for my niece. She's just learning how to read and now she can't stop." As he says this, I can see the obvious adoration he has on the face for the little girl, and I smile. "Of course. Let's go look and we'll see what we can find."
As I'm leading him towards the children section again, I realize that he said his niece. A rush of excitement started to course through me, but I tried to stop it quickly. Just because he's shopping for his niece doesn't mean he's not taken, I remind myself. To keep from embarrassing myself any further I ask him, "Do you have any idea what kind of Christmas book you want to get her?"
He looks at me and says, "Edward." I look at him confused.
"My name is Edward," he says smiling.
"Oh, I'm Bella," I reply.
He holds out his hand for me to shake and when I take his hand, he murmurs, "It's very nice to meet you, Bella."
I can tell by now my face is turning red from blushing, so I turn quickly and lead him toward one section of the books. I lead him around the children's section for a while, pointing out more popular books, but he says no each time. That is, until I show him one book that's tucked away a bit in a little nook, my favourite. He takes it from my hand and whispers, "The Polar Express," while tracing the cover with his hand. Instantly, he turns to me and tells me that he'll take it.
We return to the front of the store, and I ask him if he would like me to wrap it. He says yes, so I grab some wrapping paper and begin. As I'm doing this, he says quietly, "I used to read that book all the time when I was younger."
I look at him in surprise, thinking he surely must be joking. I can see though in his eyes that he means it. I just laugh softly. "Me, too." He smiles a bit wider at that and I quickly look back down.
After a few moments of silence, he questions, "Any plans for Christmas?"
"You actually think you're going to get something for Christmas? You're a disgrace. If you want something go get a fucking job."
I shift uncomfortably, because this question is almost inevitable this time of year and people's reactions are always the same: pity. I just continue wrapping and speak quietly, "Not really. I just plan on staying here, getting some work done." I hope he doesn't say anything because it really is embarrassing, and I don't want to have to explain.
"Really? You're not spending it with family, or a boyfriend maybe?" he asks, sounding quite surprised. I just keep my head down and shake it slightly, hoping he'll let it go. He must understand the topic isn't up for discussion by my reaction, so thankfully he says nothing else. When I'm finished, I hand it to him and he pays. He says goodbye softly to me, and walks towards the door to leave. He opens the door, but stops just before leaving and calls out to me, "Bella?"
I look towards him expectantly, waiting for him to say something. In his eyes I can see some kind of emotion, but it's gone before I can place it. He just sighs and says kindly, "I hope you have a good day tomorrow. Merry Christmas, Bella."
"You, too," I whisper quietly to the empty store, staring at where he just left.
I'm six years old now and today is Christmas. I wake up with a smile on my face and a bounce in my step, hoping that Santa Claus brought me something. I never knew about Santa until I started school this year, but my friends said that every year, he brings them gifts on Christmas. Can you believe that! When I told my mommy though, she just laughed at me, but I don't know why.
I never got gifts on Christmas before, but maybe my mommy and daddy didn't tell Santa where we lived. That's it! That's why she laughed when I told her, because she forgot to tell Santa. How silly. Oh well, maybe Santa will bring me more gifts this year because I never got any before.
That makes me smile bigger and I rush out of my room and into the living room. However, I freeze when I reach the living room. I look everywhere, even under my bed and in the bathroom, but I can't find anything. Santa…Santa didn't bring me anything.
I start to cry, because why didn't Santa bring me anything? My friends all get something from Santa!
"It's not fair," I scream.
I hear someone laugh and I turn around, seeing my dad standing there. He looks at my face, which has tears streaming down it and looks away in disgust.
"Go to your room. You fucking woke me up."
My lips start to tremble and cry louder. "Santa didn't bring me anything!"
Daddy just laughs louder at that and drags me by the arm to my room. It hurts, but I'm crying too much to say anything. When we get to my room, he throws me on the bed. Before he leaves, he turns towards me and says, "Don't expect to get any gifts from Santa, you dumb little bitch. Santa will never bring you anything, you don't deserve anything. You're just like your slut of a mother."
With that, he slams the door behind him.
-OoOoOo-
Later that night, after watching Christmas movies for a while, I'm sitting on my balcony with some hot chocolate, just staring at the sky. I close my eyes and breathe in the night air, enjoying the peace and quiet. I'm glad I don't live too close to the city; I love being able to stare at the stars at night.
I open my eyes and am about to go inside when I see it; a shooting star. I smile, thinking about Christmas. Even though it may not be my favourite time of year, I still believe in God, and miracles to some extent. If you don't have hope, then you have nothing, and I'm not ready to give up yet. I don't know if I ever will.
I sigh and look up at the sky, and when I see another shooting star I know what I have to do. I close my eyes tightly and tilt my head up towards the sky.
"I wish I could have my own Christmas miracle."
I open my eyes and stare at the sky, almost as if I'm waiting for my wish to come true right then. After a minute I just roll my eyes and laugh at myself, knowing miracles don't happen, not to me. So I turn around, head back inside and wait for this night to be over.
Just as I'm drifting off to sleep, though, around midnight, my wish pops back into my head. Only this time, it's not alone. I also see Edward's face with it, smiling at me.
It's Christmas Eve now. Most people are probably eating with their families or opening gifts, but not me. I'm hiding in my bedroom while my parents fight with each other. It's nothing unusual for me. Actually, they do this a couple of times a week at least. Holidays though seem to bring out the worst in my parents.
"Fuck you, asshole. Get out of my house!"
"Screw you, bitch. I pay the bills here, this is my house."
I shut my eyes tightly, trying to ignore the sounds of glass breaking and things being throw around. I'm sure that come tomorrow morning, there will be glass everywhere. Not to mention the furniture that will probably be thrown around or beat up.
I hear a crash and I shoot up in bed, listening closely. They always fight, it's nothing, don't worry, I try to reassure myself. But then I hear screaming. Not someone screaming in anger…but screaming as if someone is in pain.
I know better than to leave my room though. The last time I did that…well, I won't make that mistake again.
"You fucking cut my arm open, you little bitch!"
I hear the door open and slam closed. I hope it's over now… please let it be over.
"Fuck!"
I hear more yelling and things being throw around, but then the door opens again and it closes with a loud bang.
I lay quietly, trying to calm down my breathing. No matter how many times I go through this, it still frightens me every single time.
It's quiet for a few minutes, so I know that they've both left. It's calm again…for now.
-OoOoOo-
I'm in the store the next day by 10:00am. Today is Christmas and I know there will be no customers, but it's better than sitting at home alone, wallowing like I usually do. By the time five o'clock rolls around, I haven't seen a single person, no surprise there. I decide I might as well take a break and eat something, but just as I'm heading towards my office I hear the damn bell ringing. I sigh loudly, thinking it's just my luck that just as I decide to eat, I get a customer. I turn around, annoyed, but am shocked at what I see.
Standing at the entrance to my store, is Edward, covered in snow. "Edward?" I ask, confused. It's Christmas, shouldn't he be with his family I think to myself.
"Um…hi," he replies, his teeth chattering from the cold. Even though he's bundled up tightly, I can see his body trembling slightly.
"Are you okay?" I question, at a loss for words.
"I'm fine, I just, um, I was in the neighborhood and thought I'd drop by," he explains quickly. I look at him, knowing that he's lying, but he doesn't back down. So I just shrug my shoulders and figure I might as well warm him up before he gets hypothermia. I tell him to wait there and I go towards my office where there's another small room attached. It's not very big, but since I work so much I had a small kitchen installed. I make two cups of coffee and bring one out to him in a mug.
He thanks me and quickly gulps, even though it's scorching hot. When the coffee has warmed up a bit he looks around the shop like he's not sure what to say. Eventually, I can't stand the silence anymore, so I come right out and ask, "Okay, so what's the real reason you're here?" He looks shocked that I'm so blunt, considering how quiet I was yesterday, but I just cock my eyebrow at him, waiting for an answer.
He shifts from foot to foot, ultimately sighing and comes over to my desk where I'm sitting. He places his hands on the counter with his mug between them and murmurs, "You said that you'd be here today."
I look at him confused, so what. What could that have to do with him being here? He must sense my confusion because he looks me in the eyes and whispers, "No one should be alone on Christmas."
I'm shocked, utterly and hopelessly shocked. A strange man, a gorgeous one at that, whom I've just met, comes here because he doesn't want me to be alone on Christmas. I can't find a coherent sentence yet, and I know I must look ridiculous with my mouth flapping open. It makes no sense for him to be here. I'm no one special. After a few minutes, I figure out the one plausible explanation for him to be here, and I am immediately angry.
"Look, thanks for coming here, but you didn't have to do that just because you felt sorry for me. It's no big deal, it's just Christmas," I snap. "Just leave and go home and spend time with your family," I mutter.
He laughs quietly at that, and I look at him, irritated. First he comes here out of pity, and now he's laughing at me. Great, I don't see how my day can get any worse. He undoubtedly sees what I'm thinking and rushes to explain himself. "I don't…pity you if that's what you think. Christmas is important, and you shouldn't be alone. As for my family, I've been with them since last night. I told them I had to take care of something, so I left earlier."
Now I'm really looking at him like he's crazy. Why would anyone want to leave their family on Christmas? I know for sure if I had one, I'd be overjoyed to spend time with them. "You left?" I question confusedly.
Now he looks slightly embarrassed and looks away blushing a bit. "I… well, I was going to ask you to come to with me, to my parents' house for Christmas."
Now I'm utterly humiliated. He actually left his family to come ask me this…on Christmas. I'm touched, but I know I can't accept. I won't. So I say, quite rudely, hoping that he'll leave, "I can't. So just leave and go home, Edward."
He looks upset and tries to change my mind. "Bella, please just-"
"No, "I say cutting him off. "I don't want to, okay? So just leave." When he doesn't move though, I snap, "Now."
He just looks down and nods quietly. He passes me the mug and whispers sadly, "Merry Christmas," before turning towards the door and leaving.
After he's left, I just stare at the door. Here I am, on Christmas evening, working. A gorgeous man comes and asks me to spend it with his family and I deny him. I close my eyes, shaking my head. I can't help but feel bad. He really looked like he wanted me to come, but I just couldn't. I couldn't go with him and get my hopes up, only to have them dashed tomorrow. It's for the best, I tell myself repeatedly. But in the back of my mind, I know I'm wrong.
I turn and head back towards the kitchen, bringing our mugs with me. I spend a few minutes washing them out, trying to occupy my mind with something besides him, but I can't. Maybe I should have accepted, I think. But I bury that thought just as quickly as it comes, knowing even if I wanted to, it's too late. I put the mugs back on the counter and head towards the backroom where all the extra books are. If I'm going to be here, I might as well get some work done. I know tomorrow will be packed with customers, so restocking the shelves is definitely a good idea.
I pick up one of the boxes I need, and head towards the fiction section, not noticing that someone else is in the store. When I lay the box down on the ground though, I hear a throat clear and I turn around quickly, frightened. When I see who it is though, being feared is quickly replaced by anger.
"What the hell do you want now? Are you stalking me or something?" I ask rudely.
He looks embarrassed and quickly shakes his head and replies, "My um, well, my car broke down." He looks away quickly and then mutters, "I would have called a cab, but even if I could get reception, there's no way a cab would drive here in this weather."
I look at him, annoyed, because the last time I checked the weather was fine. I push past him and walk towards the front of the store, gasping in surprise when I see what's going on outside- a fucking snowstorm. Sometime between this morning and now, it turned into a fucking blizzard outside. I forget about Edward even being there until he speaks, "I, well, as you can see, I obviously can't go anywhere."
I turn around and glare at him, saying, "Well, you're not staying here."
He just glares back and I'm a bit surprised because I didn't expect that. "Well where do you expect me to go?" he snaps at me.
I open and close my mouth repeatedly, trying to figure out something, but I come up empty. He's right- there isn't anywhere else he can go. Most of the stores around here are closed on Christmas, and I'm sure the ones that were open are closed by now. I shake my head and groan, just wishing this day was over already. I walk over to my desk and find the keys to the shop. I turn off the computer and shut off everything.
"What are you doing?" he questions me. I ignore him though, and just continue with what I'm doing. I go over, lock the doors, and turn on the security, double-checking it. You never know what could happen, even in this weather.
"Follow me," I tell him, walking to the back of the store. He doesn't reply, but I can hear him walking so I assume he's following me. I turn once we reach the end and open up the door which leads to a flight of stairs. When I reach the top I unlock the door and open it, stepping aside so he can come in. When he does, he looks around obviously surprised. "You live above the store?''
I look around my apartment, smiling a bit. That was one of the reasons I put my shop here, because it had an apartment above it that was included. It's not large, but it's not small either. There is a living room, a kitchen and a small dining room on the left. Down the hall on the right are two bedrooms and a bathroom. It's a good size for me and it works well.
"Yeah, close to work and all that, right?" I reply after a few seconds.
I lock the door behind him and turn to him frowning. He's soaked from all the snow that's falling outside and is making a puddle on the floor. I sigh, knowing I'm going to have to clean that up, and say, "Wait here."
I turn to the right, heading towards my bedroom and go over to my dresser. I riffle through the drawers, knowing I have something here that should fit him. When I find the pajamas I smile happily and grab one of my shirts from my closet. I usually wear big shirts to bed and that's it, so I guess it's good for him. The pajamas though I have from last winter when I broke my foot. They were the only things that would fit around the cast when I went to bed.
When I get back to the living room, he's standing in the same spot, obviously trying not to make more of a mess.
"Take off the shoes and clothes," I tell him.
He looks at me taken aback, and stutters, "Excuse me?"
I just laugh at him and say, "Shoes, jacket, off. I have something you can wear, but you're not going to the bathroom dripping water everywhere."
He looks down at himself and smiles apologetically at me, and then takes off his shoes and jacket. I take the jacket from him, as well as his hat, scarf and gloves, and hang them in the closet to dry off. When I turn back around I hand him the clothes I brought out and say, "The bathroom is the door right at the end of the hallway. Just lay your wet clothes on the counter and I'll take care of them later."
He whispers, "Thanks," and heads towards the bathroom. Once he's in there, I get to work on cleaning up the mess of water on the ground. By the time he's done changing, I've finished up cleaning and am sitting on the couch. He walks into the living room, looking quite uncomfortable, and mumbles, "Thanks for the clothes."
I just nod my head and stare at him for a moment. He looks towards the ground and then says to me, "You didn't have to clean that up; I would have done it."
I just shake my head and reply, "That's fine. It was just water anyways."
After a minute of silence I look at him and speak, "I doubt you'll be leaving anytime soon, so you're welcome to take a seat, unless you want to stand there for hours." At that he laughs quietly. He walks over and sits on the other end of the couch, picking at the pants he's wearing.
He looks at me and asks, "Would you mind if I called my family? They might be worried that we aren't there, considering how bad the weather is."
I nod my head, not having thought of that myself. Why would I though; I've never really had a family who would care about where I was or if I was okay.
I leave the room while he makes his call, giving him some privacy. When I return he's sitting on the couch still, his phone on the table.
He looks up and tells, "My mother answered. I just let them know that I'm here with you."
I nod uneasily, kind of uncomfortable.
"The power will probably go out soon, you know," he tells me after a moment.
"Crap," I mutter, completing having completely forgotten about the storm outside. I get up and look around, trying to remember where I put the candles I had. I turn back to him and ask, "Mind helping me find some candles or flashlights?" He nods so I tell him to look through the kitchen while I look through the living room. While we're doing this, I think over the last few hours. I know I've practically been a bitch toward him, but I have to do that. It's the only way I know how to protect myself from getting close to people. I just can't handle losing anyone else. I'm not sure what I'd do if I got my hopes up only to have them come crashing down on me.
But I know that he won't be going anywhere tonight. The storm is horrible outside. That worries me- not the storm, but him staying. I don't know what to do.
"I found them," I hear him yell out.
He walks out of the kitchen with a pack of candles in your hand and I sigh, "Great." I take them from him and lay them on the coffee table, as well as the matches. I would light them now, but knowing my luck they'd be out by the time the power went off. I turn towards him and ask, "Would you like anything to eat?"
He's about to answer, but then his stomach grumbles quietly, and I chuckle. "Well, I guess there's my answer."
I walk towards the kitchen with you following behind me and him apologize, "I'm sorry. I didn't eat before I left, so yeah." He looks at the clock then and sighs. "We would have been eating dinner right about now," he murmurs.
I look at him and I can't help but feel sorry for him. All he was trying to do was be nice to someone, and I act like a bitch to him and cause him to miss Christmas with his family.
"I'm sorry you're missing it," I whisper.
He looks at me and smiles softly, "Don't worry about it. There's always next year."
I just nod my head, knowing that he's right. For him, there will be another Christmas with his family next year. That doesn't stop me from feeling guilty, though. I distract myself by turning to the cupboards and looking for something for us to snack on. I doubt cooking anything will be a good idea, because the power will probably shut off soon. I pick up a bunch of snacks and drinks, including a bunch of cookies and cupcakes from my bakery and bring them out to the living room. When he sees them he chuckles. He raises his eyebrow and asks, "You have an addiction to junk food or something?"
I just laugh, too, knowing he's right. "Well, I suppose I do. But I get free stuff from the bakery, seeing as it is mine." I sit down beside him and grab a blanket from the back of the couch, covering myself up.
He looks at me surprised and asks, "You own a bakery, too?"
I duck my head and smile wryly. I didn't mean to say that, but it just came out. "Yeah, I own a bakery too," I reply softly.
"Wow," he mutters. I look at you and giggle because you're already on your third cookie. He just smiles widely and say, "What? They're good," while chewing away on another one. I just shake my head, knowing he's right, and grab one for myself. As I'm chewing it, he asks me, "So, do you own anymore stores, or is that it?"
I look at him, waiting for a reaction, but he just looks curious, so I smile and say, "I also own another bookstore across town."
He nods, finishing off the cookie and reply, "That's quite an accomplishment. I mean, you own three stores that I'm sure are quite successful, and you're what, twenty-three, maybe?"
I smirk at him, knowing that he is curious about me. I roll my eyes and reply, "Twenty-four." He nods and smiles, obviously happy that he got me to talk about myself a bit. I decide to even the playing field a bit and ask him how old he is. As it turns out, he's only a year older than I am.
We continue munching on the treats for a while after that until he breaks the silence by asking, "So, do you want to play a game?"
I look at him and he's smiling mischievously, so I'm a bit cautious when I reply. "I don't really have any games here."
He just looks at me and smiles, "We don't need any. I was thinking about twenty questions." I look at him like he's crazy, but I can't deny that I'm curious, so I nod my head yes.
He smiles and turns towards me, mirroring my position by lying against the arm rest of the couch. "Who starts?" he asks. I'm quick to reply, telling him that he can go first. He nods his head slowly, obviously thinking over the question carefully. After a moment he asks, "Favourite colour?" I just laugh, and reply.
"Red. How about you?"
"Blue. Favourite treat?"
"Ice cream. Favourite movie?"
We go on like that for a while, and I'm sure we passed twenty questions a long time ago, but I can't find it in myself to stop it. For once, I'm having fun, and by the way he's smiling at me, I can see he is too.
I learn a lot about him from the game, so it was good. I learn that he's an English teacher at a high school and I smile at that because it's obvious that he loves his job. I learn that his parents' names are Carlisle and Esme and that he's a doctor while she's a nurse. He tells me that he has a younger sister, who just got married this summer. She actually married his best friend, which I found a bit funny.
I learn a lot about him, but I can tell he's a bit frustrated that I won't tell him much about my past. I do tell him some parts, the parts that I can at least. But most of it is bad, and I don't want this to end. Eventually we quiet down though, out of questions. Or at least that's what I thought until I see him staring at me intently. I cuddle up into the blanket more, self-conscious and ask, "What?"
"Can I ask you one more question?" he asks. I just shrug my shoulders and nod my head, not seeing what the big deal is. He looks down again and says, "What I mean is, will you answer the question?"
I look away, a bit miffled but figure that I owe him that much, so I nod yes. He smiles at me but doesn't say anything. I pick up another cupcake, and nibble on it while I wait for him to ask. Eventually he looks me in the eyes and inquires, "Why wouldn't you come with me today to my parents? You didn't even have to think about it- you just said no."
I look away, because this time I could definitely see the sadness on his face. I close my eyes, telling myself to stop it, that it means nothing, but I can't ignore the voice in the back of my head that tells me he cares. For now I chose to ignore that though, and answer him, "I didn't have to think about it because I simply didn't want to."
Once I say that, I can see his face fall drastically, and he murmurs quietly, "I see." He looks away from me, but not before I catch the look in his eyes. He really did look devastated, and although I have no idea why, that thought bothers me. He shouldn't be sad right now.
I sigh and explain quietly, "I just mean that I … it's not that I didn't want to see you. It's just that I didn't want to get my hopes up. Every time I let someone in, they let me down again. I just don't think I can go through that again."
When I finish explaining I refuse to look up at him, though I can feel yhis eyes on me. After a minute, I feel the couch move and I look up to see him sitting by my legs, leaning over me. He puts one hand on the back of the couch and the other on my cheek. I'm so dazed that I don't move. He looks me in the eyes and murmur, "I wouldn't do that. I'm not the kind of guy who leads girls on or anything like that." He looks away for a moment and I want to believe him but I'm not sure I can. When he looks back at me though, he looks different, more determined. "I just…I meant what I said. I really couldn't get my mind off of you since yesterday. I just kept thinking about you…and not because I pitied you like you thought, but because I wanted to know you. I want to know you," he whispers softly.
"You're no good Bella. No one will ever love you."
"Get the fuck away from me. You were a fucking mistake; I wish you were never born."
I look into his eyes, not able to understand why. So I ask him just that. "Why?"
He looks miserable and confused and answers, "I don't know. I just know that I do. You looked so sad yesterday-I could see it in your eyes and I wanted to take that away. I want to make you happy. I want to know you, to be your friend. I want to be with you and I know I sound crazy, but I mean it. I like you, even my family could see that. All I'm asking for is a chance."
I look at him, not able to formulate a response. I can feel the tears in my eyes, and I don't know if I can stop them. He's just so kind, and I've been a total bitch to him. When my tears start to fall, he wipes them away gently with his thumb and murmurs, "Don't cry, Bella."
He looks me in the eyes and he looks determined. He moves his hand back to my cheek and I see him leaning in slowly, still staring at me. I can feel his breath on my lips, and I want it. I want him to kiss me and just as he's about to, the lights go out.
"Fuck," he curses. He pulls back slightly, allowing me to get up, and I turn towards the table, looking for the candles. It is pitch black in here now. I find the candles and the matches after a moment, light them up and lay them back down. I see my phone lying there and I pick it up. When I see the time, I'm surprised at how late it is already. "It's 9:00," I tell him.
I don't look back at him, but I know he's looking at me. I honestly can't look at you after what just happened; after what almost happened. I take one of the candles with me to the kitchen to dump out the trash from our snacks. When I return, he's sitting up with his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. I clear my throat slightly and say, "I think I'm going to go to bed now. It's been a long day."
He only nods, not looking at me and says, "Okay." I walk towards the hallway, picking up my cell phone on the way to my bedroom, but before I go, I turn to him and let him know that he can sleep in the guest bedroom, which is the first door on the left. He thanks me but still don't look up, so I go to my room.
I shut the door behind me slowly, and I lay the candle on the dresser while I get changed. I get in bed and stare up at the ceiling. I know I won't fall asleep anytime soon, but there's no way I could stay out there with him. I just couldn't. I pick up a book and read for a while, but after reading the same page about a dozen times I throw it in the corner. I pick up my cell phone and check the time: 10:00pm. I sigh and look at the ceiling, wishing I could just fall asleep. But I can't get his face out of my head, his smile, and his laugh. I wish things could be different. I wish I could be with him, but I can't. I'm not good enough. I close my eyes, trying not to cry, but I can't stop myself, and before I know it, I'm weeping into my pillow. I keep as quiet as I can, because I don't want him to hear, but I know he probably still can. That just makes me cry harder because he didn't ask for this. He didn't ask to be stuck with me on Christmas.
By the time I quiet down, I realize that in a way he did ask for this. He wanted to see me today, to spend time with me. Even after he told me why, I still can't grasp it. It makes no sense to me after all I've been through. I'm not the kind of person who gets happy endings. For the next while I keep replaying tonight over and over in my mind. I know I shouldn't because it will just hurt more when he leaves, but I can't help but wish I could be with him. It sounded like he wanted to be with me, but I can't… I can't hope for something that won't happen. I'm not strong enough. I'm not.
I look into the mirror, no expression on my face. If you look closely enough, you can still see the faint outline of the bruise on my face. Make-up can only cover up so much. It looks better than it did this morning though. I shiver in disgust as I think about how it looked then.
"Bella, get the fuck out of the bathroom. If your damn teacher calls here once more, saying that you skipped class again, you're going to fucking regret it," my mother yells while banging on the door.
I close my eyes, refusing to break down. I know exactly what will happen. That's how I received the bruise on my face, after all: punishment. If someone were to lift up my sweater, they would also see evidence of punishment. That's why I always wear baggy long-sleeved shirts and sweat pants. If someone saw the marks all over my body...I can't even image what would happen, what my parents would do to me.
It can't get worse than it is, I think to myself.
But even as I think that, I know I'm wrong. It always gets worse. Always.
-OoOoOo-
Sooner or later, I must have drifted off to sleep because when I wake up it's light out. I roll over and check my phone and see that it's 7:00am. I get up and go over to the window and look out. I smile at what I see. The storm is obviously over, and it's just snowing softly now, barely any wind at all from the looks of it. I close my eyes and rest my head against the glass. When I look out again, I'm reminded of Edward.
Then I remember everything that happened last night. He told me he wanted to be with me. He told me he wanted a chance, and I just blew him off. He probably hates me by now, which in a way is for the best. But as I look out the window and see the beautiful day before me, I know I'm wrong. I shouldn't have just run away like I did. I should have given him a chance like he deserved. I always say that I want happiness, and that I want the kind of romance and fairytales you read about in books, but how can I ever find my happily ever after if I don't…try?
I've spend most of my life pushing people away from me, not letting them in, in order to protect myself. When I was younger, it worked well and it kept me safe. It kept me from getting swept up in the horrible things I was surrounded in. As I grew up, though, left for college and everything … I still kept people away from me. Looking back on it, it was instinct. It's the only way I know how to live. But I don't want to live like that anymore.
I want to be happy. I want to find love and have a family to be with. I want to give Edward a chance, I realize.
When I figure all this out, I smile. I know I have a long way to go, but maybe… just maybe I don't have to do it alone anymore.
I rush out of my bedroom and into the guest bedroom…and he's not there. I back out of the room, not letting myself believe he left. He said he wasn't that kind of guy, but could I blame him after how I treated him? I walk towards the living room, promising myself that if he's there I'll give him a chance; I'll give us a chance.
When I turn the corner and look at the couch, I sigh in relief. He's here. I walk over to him and shake him awake gently, knowing I can't wait until later to talk to him. I know if I do, I'll lose my courage and change my mind, and I can't let that happen again. I can't lose my chance at happiness.
"Edward," I whisper, shaking him again. After a minute he groans, rolls over and opens his eyes. When he does, he's staring into mine and even though I can't see his mouth, I can tell he's smiling gently. I bite my lip, looking into his eyes, and I know that I'm looking into my future; a future that I'm going to have to take a chance with, that I want to take a chance with.
So I lean down and do something I've wanted to do since I first saw him; I kiss his lips gently. When I do this, I know it's that it's right. I know that no matter what happens he will be there for me. I know that this time, I made the right choice by not blocking someone else out.
When I pull back after a moment and see his blinding smile, and he puts his hand on my cheek gently cupping it, I know my wish came true. I received my own Christmas Miracle.
Thank You for reading ! As I mentioned, this is just a one-shot, so don't expect it to be continued anytime soon. While I might continue this one day into a full story, I just don't have the time right now.
Leave a review and let me know what you think! Have a Merry Christmas and a great holiday! (if you celebrate) If not, have a great day !
~Nessa
