"Please, let's go to my room, it will be easy if everyone isn't staring" Edward choke, with an insecure voice. He glanced at the rest of his family that was quiet looking at the strange situation, and started walking slowly through the stairs.
"Sure…" I walked toward him and grabbed his hand, reassuring him. He looked at me regretfully, and went on seeing to the floor. He was really looking at me regretfully… as if he was about to do something I didn't want, as if I hadn't been begging him to do it for months. I could see the immense debate that was taking place inside his head. Whether to please me, to keep his promise, or to just follow his own thoughts, and not even think of turning me into a vampire.
We reached his room, and he silently closed the door. He motioned me to sit on the bed, so I sat there, next to him.
He grabbed his temple with both hands, and stayed there for a long time in silence, just meditating…
"I can't Bella… I can't do this" He finally choked, shaking his head frantically.
"Yes you can, I know you can, It is what I want Edward, I swear you it is what I most want in this world…"
"To be a dead soul?" he said bitterly.
"No, to get to stay with you for forever" I finished, stroking his cheek to encourage him.
"Don't you see how much you are giving away while doing this?... How can I make you see reason?" he pleaded, with anguish eyes.
"You can't… because I'm already seeing reason. You. You are the reason of my well being, of my life… You are more than one and the best reason to do this…"
"It will hurt so immensely, the pain is going to be excruciating… I will provoke the reason of my existence, my universe, an excruciating pain!" he shrieked, and laughed sarcastically.
"No, you will provoke the reason of your existence, the chance of her life, the chance of being with her love for ever… I think I could handle the pain if what I get back is always having you in my arms, kissing you as much as I want without you having to hurt inside. To make love with you all the times I want without you having to be so careful not to break me…"
"Don't persuade me like that, that's cruel." he smiled a little bit, but the smile didn't reach his eyes. They were suffering, in silence.
"Please Edward, please…" I begged, grabbing his hand with mines.
"What if I'm not able to stop?..."he choked, now terror was emerging from every in of his face.
"You could stop once, and you weren't as used as you are now to my blood… so why do you think you are not going to be able to stop now? I trust you…"
He sighed. "That is what our kind is all about, isn't it? TRUST…" He said the last word disgusted "That is what we want to show you, that you can trust us. Don't we?... We seduce you with our beauty, our scent, our voice… make you trust us blindly, and then in the less unexpected of the moments---" he trailed off, shaking his head as trying to dissolve the thought.
"You are not like that! You are an angel, my personal angel…"
"I was like that! And I also wanted to kill you, your personal angel wanted to kill you!" he said dramatically, as an intent of convincing me.
"Edward, please don't start with that again. We have talked about that too many times, you know everything I think and I don't about it. So please, please don't start"
"It is just that I love you so much… you are my everything, and the possibility of me being the one that stops your heart is unbearable"
"Don't think at stopping my heart; think it as renew it…" I smiled at him softly.
He didn't return it, he was too dispirited.
"Don't you want to have babies? To be a mom? To get old with the one you love?"
"Not if it's not with you!... I don't care any of those things if you aren't the one with me… I would like you to be the father of my children; I would like you to get old and grumpy with me. Not anyone else… Is with you or with no one" I stated firmly. That was something I would never change my mind about.
"If you love… if you love so much as you say. You have to do this for me, you have to fulfill your word. You have to do it for you, and for our love. Because if you are not doing it, I'm finding someone else, and you know most of vampires aren't going to try to be kind…"
He shivered at that thought. It was not my plan torturing him; I just wanted to make my point clear.
"Okay. I will, I will do it. I promised you, and I know as stubborn as you are, you would go to Volterra if they promised you, they would change you…" he rolled his eyes.
Yes, I was stubborn, but I was also winning…
We both stayed in silence, a really intense silence, for what it seemed like an eternity. Just eyeing at each other, really deeply. When suddenly I begun to push it a little more.
"So… how are we doing it?"
"It's really not that difficult…The only thing I have to do is sunk my teeth in your throat" he teased, but just superficially, the amusement didn't reach his eyes… Those amazing eyes he had… would I saw them as I saw them right now? With that perfect color, and that perfect shape… the perfect combination.
He came closer to me, very slowly, very hesitantly, with his eyes shut. I finished the gap between us, so we were just inches one from the other.
He took a deep breath, and looked at me with very intensely.
"Do you promise, no, swear me that you would let me know in some way if it hurts you too much?"
"Yes, I do"
"Swear me!" he begged
"I do, Edward, I do I swear…" my heart was biting faster now. I was starting to get really nervous, I needed him to it now before I crumbled, and ruin everything.
"I love you, I love you so much… so much" I cried.
And he kiss me fiercely, as he had never kissed me before, as if this was our last they on earth, as if it was our last goodbye… as if it was our end. We kissed so strongly, so passionate that I fall in the bed, with him over me. We stayed there, just eyeing at each other, memorizing every cell that formed our faces and bodies. It was the most private and intense moment we had. It was so intense, that tears started running down my face, making a liquid path over the bed. He looked at me with dying eyes and kissed every one of my shed tears.
"Wh-why are you crying? We don't have to do this if you don't want… Please don't cry" he pleading, stroking my cheek.
"No, no. It's not that… I want to… I really do. You know how much I want to" I said secured. "It's just that I love you so much… I can't believe how good my life has turned with you… It's amazing. And the thought of staying with you forever is… beyond description" I sighed.
He smiled sweetly.
"I hope you know how good you have given to my life too… How much you incredibly changed it. You renew my heart, my spirit. When I was deader than I could actually be, you woke me up; you made me saw a light I've never thought I could see… You made me saw that I had actually a path I had to follow, my personal heaven" He grinned, and started kissing me again, still on top of me. He kissed my lips, my chin, and started kissing my neck very deliberately.
He paused in the middle of my jaw, with his lips still pressed at it. By then my heart was beating so fast I thought it was going to explode from my chest.
He lingered there, with his eyes shot, just thinking, thinking…
"Are you ready" he finally mouthed with a really low voice.
"Y-yes I'm ready" I tried to stutter the less I could. It was it, it was the time… the time I have been waiting for so many days and night, the time in which I was going to be able to enjoy my love in every sense without holding backs.
He suddenly grabbed my body with both of his cold hands and brought me closer to him. Our breathings were almost equals, both really fast and nervous. He put one hand on my neck, and breathed "I love you."
And then something similar to a sharp blazer sunk in the bare skin of my neck. The pain was so strong I couldn't even shout. It was agonizingly painful. His teeth sunk even more to my skin, giving me the feeling that part of me was taken out, and something in was being received.
And in one second, all my life passed through my mind: Renee, my house, my first dog, Charlie, Christmases, my friends, my clumsiness, my reddish cheeks, my Jacob, my love, the first time I saw Edward, our first kiss, the first time we made love, my whole soul…
And then the blazer was gone, and with a silent shriek I waited for the excruciating burning to stop.
