and i've never been more scared to be alone.
Matt was happy with Mello, miserable without him--
and things were okay with Near.
Never good, never bad. Just okay.
Near listened, even if it didn't seem like he did. More often than not, Matt's tone would be dark and slow. His words would drag and his voice would crack--
and Near didn't even have to look up to see that tears were forming in Matt's eyes--
and Near would clutch the puzzle pieces just a little tighter--
and Near wouldn't say anything at all.
Matt didn't know why he was so drawn to Near. Mello had absolutely despised the boy, cursing and damning his very existance. Mello hated Near. Matt needed Near. Near was calming and always so wonderfully indifferent. Matt could just sit and watch him for hours, assembling the puzzles, building the cities; it would never get old. It would always be so picture-perfect, Matt didn't want to look away even for a second, because he might miss that little moment when Near's finger would linger on the last piece of the puzzle he'd just finished, or he might miss how Near's expression never changed, even as a massive robot was tearing through a town full of innocent people.
So he wouldn't look away.
"Are you sleepy?" Matt asked. "It's, like, late..."
"You can go to bed if you want to."
"Don't want to." Matt said, but then he let out a huge yawn that indicated otherwise.
"Sleep, Matt. Going without rest isn't good for your health. You're already sickly enough as it is."
The words expressed a vague amount of concern. The tone expressed utter and complete annoyance.
"Don't seem so worried."
Near looked up briefly, his dead eyes burning a hole through Matt. "I was merely stating a fact, Matt. Why would you expect concern?"
Matt had to think about this for a little bit; why would he expect concern from the most apathetic person on this planet? ".. I don't know. I guess I just wanted you to be concerned."
"If you don't want to be alone, then you can just sleep in my bed tonight. I will not leave the room."
"...D'you promise?" Matt asked, sounding more than a little bit pathetic.
"I promise."
Matt climbed into Near's bed without another word. He let his heavy eyes close, enjoying the presence of another body in the room until he finally slipped into an empty, dreamless slumber. Finally, he woke up, slowly opening his eyes to make sure Near had kept his promise--
and he had. Near had dozed off in the same position he had been in when Matt went to sleep, puzzle piece in hand, but he was still there like he'd promised.
Matt didn't quite understand Near and he knew he probably never would.
But for once, things felt good instead of just okay, if only for that one night.
notes and stuff: I was missing Matt x Near terribly. Inspired by Folkin' Around by Panic at the Disco. Review and I will love you forever.
