Petrichor - The smell of dry rain on the ground.
After rain the world would always feel like it was just brimming with itself; all the colors and scents were overflowing and everything was so beautiful. Komaeda loved the moments after the rain; he loved to see the world brim after the dull and dark rain.
Yes, the way the world blossomed after rain was the exact same way his fellow students blossomed after every trial, after every murder, after being enveloped in the sadness and despair from losing another friend and losing the trust they had barely built in each other again.
Komaeda didn't know anything more beautiful than seeing his classmates find the strength in their hearts again, building their trust in each other from the beginning again, to see them filled with hope that another murder would not come to pass… And after each and every trial they seemed more and more amazing.
And even though he had prepared himself to be a stepping stone, thought it was just a required thing to be hated by his fellow students, he had been thoroughly surprised when one of them had tried to understand him. One student had found enough hope from his heart even for a lower-class person such as he was.
It was something Komaeda had never experienced; he had never met anyone before who had had even a tiny speck of hope in him, and it had thrown his feelings into a slight chaos. He managed to keep the chaos from stopping him, from straying him away from his purpose, from being a tool for hope.
But when he found out the unfortunate truth, found out that his dear symbols of hope had betrayed him… Even if he knew the truth about this one person, he knew that there was no significance to his words, still every memory he had with him made him feel like that maybe, maybe, maybe, just maybe there was some hope inside of him, that maybe he could still atone for having been consumed by despair, that maybe there was some way that even he could save them all from being driven into despair again…
That he could become hope himself.
These thoughts were driving him forward and forward as he made his plan, put it into motion, and waited. Waited for the end to come. He couldn't stop himself from smiling.
Only when he heard the fire grenades crashing, he felt a tint of fear. His sacrifice might not add up to anything. His cycle had always made everything equal nothing in the end, and it might do it this time. He might be dying for nothing.
But he wanted to have hope. This was the only way he could at least try to do something good, to bring hope into this world.
As the poison filled his lungs, he thought of Hinata. He thought of the rain, he thought of the beauty of the world, and he thought of the beauty of his hope. At the same time he wished Hinata would find some hope in his sacrifice, and at the same time he somewhat hoped Hinata would finally succumb to the despair after being betrayed by him for the last time.
During his last breath, he realized he wanted to see the world after his sacrifice. He realized he could never witness the hope his death might arise, he could never witness the beauty of the world and he could never ever again have anyone tell him they wanted to understand him.
He realized he didn't want to die.
