Time, why you punish me?
Like a wave bashing into the shore
You wash away my dreams.


*****************

She sat there for a long time, curled up on the couch, hugging
herself. Her own small hands on her arms, tears so old, they'd
fallen into her skin, dried trails of pain.

She held her stomach, closed her eyes.

Someone had taken that light, the thing that made it easier
to laugh, to smile, to love. They took it away, and now
she was stumbling through black, that one little heartbeat,
gone.

Hadn't bothered to put on any lights. She knew sitting akwardly
next to Abby in the passenger side that she wouldn't move once
she got home. That she'd sit as still as a statue, thinking of
ways to tell Sandy.



***********************
Time, why you walk away?
Like a friend with somewhere to go
You left me crying
***********************


She didn't have anything to tell herself. Nothing, to make herself
feel better. Maybe this was..the way it was supposed to be. For
being lesbian, for working so hard, for wanting secretly love, to
want a family, to feel complete. This was the punishment for
wanting things she wasn't supposed to have.

She curled up on the couch, resting her head against the arm rest.
One hand on her stomach, another in the valley between the cushions.
Her hand touched the pen she'd dropped, finishing her paperwork late
one night in front of the tv.

Before.

Now, when she looked around, everything represented before. Before she
made the decision, before she told Sandy she really did love her. Before
she told Sandy the truth about everything she'd ever wanted in life,and
before, before Sandy told her she had wanted the same things.


*************************
Can you teach me about tommorrow
And all the pain and sorrow
Running free?
Cause tomorrow's just another day
And I don't believe in time
**************************


Before they had tried so hard, and put so much of themselves into it.

Everything in the room represented them, before they had the baby.

"Hey!" the voice called,"Why are you sitting in the dark?"

She held her breath, listening to the softened foot prints make
their way across the carpet.

"Kerry?"

She held her breath, waiting for the familliar touches, hand brushing
her hair. All the words she had rehearsed in her head for the 3 hours,
they were all lost, feeling the hand touch her shoulder, rub her back.

"What's wrong?" Sandy nuzzled her face into Kerry's neck, her hand
slipping down to her belly.

She choked a cry."I lost the baby"



*****************************
Can you teach me about tomorrow
All the pain and sorrow
Running free?
But tomorrow's just another day
And I don't believe in...