I just fucking watched her walk away. I just helplessly started as the love of my life nonchalantly took her suitcase and walked out. I mean seriously, Pipes?
I staggered trying to reach the hotel room bed, my shirt soaked and my face delicately streaked in tears. I hunched over as I started out the window.
She couldn't have stayed for a bit?
I buried my face in my hands, trembling at the thought of being thrown away by the one person I gave my trust to. I felt my fingers shake as they were pressed to my cheeks. I tried with all my strength to contain the deep, choking sobs that threaten to leave my lips.
She couldn't have waited for me to find a seat on the plane with her?
I mean my fucking mom just died and she could have given one single damn? I pulled my glasses up to the top of my head but strands of hair still stuck to my tear-stricken face. I shook my head, trying to recollect myself. My poor, pathetic self. I couldn't seem to hold on to any air in my lungs despite the enormity of this room. I jerked up with a gasp. I sucked in oxygen like it was my last, feeling every beat of my racing heart. Feeling the pulse of the arteries in my head. I was losing it.
She couldn't have been my friend?
In an instant, the whole room echoed pitiful whimpers. The sadness that was once in the pit of my stomach crept up to my throat and out from my mouth. The lump lodged in my throat became too unbearable to hold. I took a deep breath but each second of it being harshly abrupted by that fucking choking feeling you get when you cry. I was crying like a fucking baby.
I breathed in deeply as I wiped the salt from my eyes and the fog on my glasses. I took another swig of air and my lungs held on to them dearly. This time, more collected. Calmer yet just as devastated. I sit down on the chair facing my laptop, placing my fingers on the keyboard but I knew I placed my attention solely on Piper.
The sound of the door closing reverberated in my head. I heard the rolling of her suitcase. The concise "This doesn't change anything". I stared at my computer screen but all I saw were here eyes beaming back at me after she heard the words "Please don't leave me. Not now". I saw the expression she put on her lips, pressed together as if she despised the pathetic look on my face when I begged her to stay.
"Al, I can't go with you."
"I'm so sorry about your mom but this doesn't change anything."
My mom just died. I can't fucking believe her.
For a good five minutes, I stared at the screen with my mind completely blank, trying to swallow the bitter taste she left when she took her luggage and took off the way she did. For the next five minutes, I was curled up into a ball on the hotel room bed. I felt every single second pass by as it granted me back my composure while robbing me of my sanity.
I wanted Piper back.
And right now, not just for the sex (although that would be pretty fucking amazing) but I just wanted her to hold me, you know? I wanted her to hold me in the most innocent of ways possible. To feel her warmth as she'd wrap her arms around me. To feel her face nuzzled against the crook of my neck like my neck was shaped solely for that purpose. But she left. She's gone and there's nothing I could do about it. I guess I didn't just lose my mom today. I lost my mom and my Piper. I lost my Piper fucking Chapman.
...
"And yeah, maybe I never forgave you for leaving." I yell, trying to contain my tears from further flaunting the hurt deep within me. My heart is racing and I could feel my pulse through my temples. Piper stares at me with an apologetic and pained expression. "Because you broke my fucking heart."
