A/N OKAY!! IMPORTANT NOTICE ~ this is not to be taken seriously!! Notice
the genre of PARODY!! Also note that I am not offending anyone who writes
Mary Sue fics, I probably write them my self. . .but this is the way my
muses swing, savvy? I might not keep it up for long!!
Disclaimer ~ I don't own Mary Sue ~ sadly she belongs to herself (poor child!!) I mean if I owned her. . .I could seriously help her. . .maybe give her a bit of a history, a personality? But sadly no. . .she is her own girl (unfortunately) and please review as it will make her happy for a few moments. . .until she's harshly brought back to the Mary Sue hating world of fanfiction.net.
My Adventure in the Caribbean (Where's the Caribbean?)
Hello, and welcome to my lair. My name is Mary Sue Crystal Tequila Opal Pearl. How are you? I'm fine thanks, now you ask. A strange thing happened one morning, I was just thinking what an awful life I have when whoosh. . .I was in the Caribbean.
I instantly knew it was the Caribbean even though I have never been here before because of all the pine trees, and ships, and water. Another big give away was the 'Welcome to the Caribbean' sign.
Did I mention I have blond hair, with the most dazzling blue eyes, and charming smile? Every man falls instantly in love with me. . .makes you wonder why I was having such an awful life in the first place really doesn't it.
Now where was I? Hmmm. . .I was in the Caribbean. . .did I mention I'm super clever?
So anyway I just went into this pub, I don't normally drink, I mean I don't want you running away with the idea that I'm a booze hound, honestly I've never touched a drop. It was fate that took me into the pub that day, not my thirst, or the gorgeous rich man that went in before me. It was fate. Honestly. So I went in and sat down on the grubby bar stool, did I mention it was grubby? Well it was. The pubs I went in back in England. . .not that I went in any. . .
So I was sitting their quietly drinking my water, which tasted like it had been drunk many times before I had been given it, when the door to the tavern squeaked open. Notice how I changed the word pub to tavern, it makes my story more interesting.
So standing in the doorway was a pirate. Next to the pirate stood a grubby old blacksmith, did I mention he was grubby? He looked especially dirty next to the handsome pirate. I later learnt his name was Captain jack Sparrow, he had black dreadlocks, and erm. . .beads and stuff. . .and gold teeth. Our eyes met, and true love blossomed in our hearts. I knew we were meant to be together. It was fate, did I mention it was fate?
So the blacksmith and the pirate walked to the bar and got a drink. The pirate came up behind me.
"Okay love?"
The fact that I was wearing jeans, and an eminem T-shirt (back in England I'm a cool chick!) seemed to escape his notice.
I nodded, unable to say anything, I couldn't get the words out as my heart pounded in my chest.
He walked past me, the grubby little blacksmith followed, and they sat down together. After about half an hour, he got up, and walked over to my seat.
"How would you like to join my crew?"
"Really?"
He nodded. "I'm Captain Jack Sparrow, by the way. You may remember me from other swashbuckling adventure films such as Pirates of the Caribbean: the curse of the Black Pearl and Pirates of the Caribbean: the sucky sequel that drowned in sea ol' hop."
"I haven't seen either if those films." Jack looked shocked. "Are you sure you're a Mary Sue?" His raised eyebrows give him a scary look.
"Well. . ." I stutter.
"'Cause I only take Mary Sues on my ship. . ."
"What about Gibbs?"
"Exactly my point, how'd you know bout Gibbs if you haven't seen the film?"
"It was in the trailer." I murmured.
He smiled and put his hand on my shoulder. The dorky blacksmith stood behind him, shouting into his mobile phone, something like 'I'll be back soon, sugar plum fairy'.
"Here's two shillings, go home, rent the films, and come back when you've seen 'em, an' you're a proper Mary Sue, savvy?"
I took the shillings, and walked dejectedly from the pub. As I walked through the swinging tavern doors, I was transported back in time, to the future. (should that be forward in time?). Did I mention I went forward in time?
When I got home, (blimey it was quicker then Concorde!!) I walked to the video shop. . .I went in and spent about ten minutes browsing the shelves, but came out empty handed. Instead I went next door, and spent my two shillings. They really shouldn't put a pub next to a video shop. Wait a sec. . .I don't drink!
Disclaimer ~ I don't own Mary Sue ~ sadly she belongs to herself (poor child!!) I mean if I owned her. . .I could seriously help her. . .maybe give her a bit of a history, a personality? But sadly no. . .she is her own girl (unfortunately) and please review as it will make her happy for a few moments. . .until she's harshly brought back to the Mary Sue hating world of fanfiction.net.
My Adventure in the Caribbean (Where's the Caribbean?)
Hello, and welcome to my lair. My name is Mary Sue Crystal Tequila Opal Pearl. How are you? I'm fine thanks, now you ask. A strange thing happened one morning, I was just thinking what an awful life I have when whoosh. . .I was in the Caribbean.
I instantly knew it was the Caribbean even though I have never been here before because of all the pine trees, and ships, and water. Another big give away was the 'Welcome to the Caribbean' sign.
Did I mention I have blond hair, with the most dazzling blue eyes, and charming smile? Every man falls instantly in love with me. . .makes you wonder why I was having such an awful life in the first place really doesn't it.
Now where was I? Hmmm. . .I was in the Caribbean. . .did I mention I'm super clever?
So anyway I just went into this pub, I don't normally drink, I mean I don't want you running away with the idea that I'm a booze hound, honestly I've never touched a drop. It was fate that took me into the pub that day, not my thirst, or the gorgeous rich man that went in before me. It was fate. Honestly. So I went in and sat down on the grubby bar stool, did I mention it was grubby? Well it was. The pubs I went in back in England. . .not that I went in any. . .
So I was sitting their quietly drinking my water, which tasted like it had been drunk many times before I had been given it, when the door to the tavern squeaked open. Notice how I changed the word pub to tavern, it makes my story more interesting.
So standing in the doorway was a pirate. Next to the pirate stood a grubby old blacksmith, did I mention he was grubby? He looked especially dirty next to the handsome pirate. I later learnt his name was Captain jack Sparrow, he had black dreadlocks, and erm. . .beads and stuff. . .and gold teeth. Our eyes met, and true love blossomed in our hearts. I knew we were meant to be together. It was fate, did I mention it was fate?
So the blacksmith and the pirate walked to the bar and got a drink. The pirate came up behind me.
"Okay love?"
The fact that I was wearing jeans, and an eminem T-shirt (back in England I'm a cool chick!) seemed to escape his notice.
I nodded, unable to say anything, I couldn't get the words out as my heart pounded in my chest.
He walked past me, the grubby little blacksmith followed, and they sat down together. After about half an hour, he got up, and walked over to my seat.
"How would you like to join my crew?"
"Really?"
He nodded. "I'm Captain Jack Sparrow, by the way. You may remember me from other swashbuckling adventure films such as Pirates of the Caribbean: the curse of the Black Pearl and Pirates of the Caribbean: the sucky sequel that drowned in sea ol' hop."
"I haven't seen either if those films." Jack looked shocked. "Are you sure you're a Mary Sue?" His raised eyebrows give him a scary look.
"Well. . ." I stutter.
"'Cause I only take Mary Sues on my ship. . ."
"What about Gibbs?"
"Exactly my point, how'd you know bout Gibbs if you haven't seen the film?"
"It was in the trailer." I murmured.
He smiled and put his hand on my shoulder. The dorky blacksmith stood behind him, shouting into his mobile phone, something like 'I'll be back soon, sugar plum fairy'.
"Here's two shillings, go home, rent the films, and come back when you've seen 'em, an' you're a proper Mary Sue, savvy?"
I took the shillings, and walked dejectedly from the pub. As I walked through the swinging tavern doors, I was transported back in time, to the future. (should that be forward in time?). Did I mention I went forward in time?
When I got home, (blimey it was quicker then Concorde!!) I walked to the video shop. . .I went in and spent about ten minutes browsing the shelves, but came out empty handed. Instead I went next door, and spent my two shillings. They really shouldn't put a pub next to a video shop. Wait a sec. . .I don't drink!
