"Crawling"

Crawling in my skin
These wounds they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real

He was gone a whole month. A month of no phone calls, no e-mails, no letter. Nothing. When he came back, everyone welcomed him back with open arms. But not me. Fuck no. You up and leave the way you did, with what you said and expect me to run up and kiss him? I no think so, Quincy.

There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
Consuming/confusing
This lack of self-control I fear is never ending
Controlling/I can't seem

He greeted me with "Hi, girl." I just stared at him, not saying a word. A month. A month of crying. I cried so much, I made my self sick and ended up in the hospital for the night. He's back now but I'd do almost anything to just make him go away again. Disappear from the world again.

To find myself again
My walls are closing in
(Without a sense of confidence and I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take)
I've felt this way before
So insecure

I sat on the floor of the ladies' room at G Major. I just threw up and was getting that feeling like I was gonna do it again. I pulled my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. I sobbed and prayed that I'd just be happy for a day in my life. Being Jude Harrison, I strongly doubt it's gonna happen.

Crawling in my skin
These wounds they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real

The ass hole's my producer again, but thank God I get to take a break from him for a nice long 6 weeks for tour- Oh wait, I forgot. Darius wants him to go with me! Yay for fucking me.

Discomfort, endlessly has pulled itself upon me
Distracting/reacting
Against my will I stand beside my own reflection
It's haunting how I can't seem...

I would start cutting, but it's summer. I ain't doin' that. Plus what Darius makes me wear. I would drink but we all know how that one ended up last time. I sigh as I sit on my bunk in the tour bus. SME decided to make him sleep across form me. Fuck them, the backstabbers.

To find myself again
My walls are closing in
(Without a sense of confidence and I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take)
I've felt this way before
So insecure

He tried to kiss me once. I just pushed him away and walked out of the room, never wanting to kiss him again. I knew. If I kissed him, he'd make me wanna love him all over again and I wasn't ready for that. I don't know if I'll ever be ready for that.

Crawling in my skin
These wounds they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real

So it's been six weeks. Back home now. Junior album's starting recording in a week. He pulled me aside the first day we started recording. "Jude." "What?" "How long are you gonna hate me?" "I don't know." "I love you. And it hurts me to see that look of hate you give me every time I look at you. Nothing's ever easy with us, is it?" Tears began staining my cheeks. "Nope. Never."

Crawling in my skin
These wounds they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real

He moved in to my lips but stopped. He was testing me. I lick my own and close the space between our lips. The soft skin reunite after- what is it? 3 months? He's got me, he knows that. I know that. Fuck you, cupid, I think as Tommy lays me on my back on the soundboard, still kissing me.