Disclaimer: Everyone knows that I don't own the series, and if someone really wants to sue me, they'll do so regardless of what I write here, so why bother?

Warnings: Shounen ai, weirdness

Author's Notes: I started this on a whim, and wasn't sure I was ever going to let anyone else read it, but then I made the mistake of telling my beta reader about it, and she insisted that I write more. So M.E., this is officially all your fault.

A Subterfuge of Sorts

By Rapunzel

Chapter 1: Wording is Everything

On the outskirts of a small village in Japan, there lay a quiet forest. The trees swayed softly in the breeze, serene and untroubled. It was as if they knew that they were safe from the machinations of man, from bulldozers and housing projects. No development had occurred in the forest for years, and none was likely to because nobody ever went in it, or even near it, if they could help it. The locals all stayed away from the woods, and if anyone asked them why they did so, they would only mutter vaguely about strange tales.

Hidaka Ken was not local to the area, however, and he knew of no such tales. Hearing the stories would have required talking to the people who lived in the village, which he had avoided for the simple reason that he didn't want anyone to connect the newly arrived stranger with the still-cooling corpse of the drug lord lying dead in his summer home. He and the rest of Weiss had come to the area specifically to dispatch the man, and they wanted no witnesses to their presence.

Unfortunately, things had not gone quite as planned. The paranoid drug lord had employed a few more bodyguards than they had anticipated, the result being that Ken was now having to flee the scene as quickly as possible to avoid dying. He had no idea that strange things were said to have happened in the forest at the base of the hill. He didn't know of the whispered tones and the unspoken dread that was present whenever people in the village talked of the place. All he knew was that the trees looked like a good place to lose any pursuers and lay low for a while.

The headset he was wearing crackled with static for a moment, and then he heard Omi's voice. "This is Bombay at the rendezvous point with Abyssinian. Balinese, Siberian, report. What is your location and status?"

Youji's voice answered, "Balinese here. I'm in a tree at the south end of the compound. I should be able to hold this position until all the fuss dies down. You'd be amazed how few people ever look above their eye level."

"Good. Siberian?"

Ken replied, "I'm heading north out of the area. There's some decent cover ahead, I'll lay low there until things calm down." He darted into the edge of the forest, weaving his way around the first of the tree trunks.

"Good. Meet us at the appointed time and place, we'll discuss..." A crackle of static obscured Omi's next words.

Ken frowned. "Bombay, could you please repeat that?"

The headset hissed and sputtered, but only static answered his query. Ken tried tapping the thing a few times in the hopes of jarring some connection or other back into working order, but the thing refused to be fixed. Finally, cursing softly in frustration, he shut it off so that the constant sound of static wouldn't drive him completely crazy. He made a mental note to have a talk with Omi about this, since the boy was always bragging about their equipment and the great care he took of it. It couldn't have been that great, Ken figured, if it still malfunctioned like this.

Moving deeper into the forest, Ken ran as silently as he could, weaving his way around tree trunks and trying to leave as confusing a trail as possible. Several times, he stumbled over tree roots or fallen debris, but he managed to recover himself each time and press onwards. After a while, when he determined that no one was following him, he slowed his pace to a more leisurely walk and began contemplating his options. It was very late, or early, depending on one's point of view. The sky to the east had just been turning a lighter shade of dark when he'd been forced to flee, and soon dawn would arrive and bring him light, which he rather desperately needed. It was almost pitch black under the dense canopy of the trees now, and while he had brought a small flashlight with him, he was reluctant to turn it on just in case he was still being pursued. It wouldn't do to for the light to alert anyone to his whereabouts.

Settling himself down to sit on some bulky object, which he assumed was a log, although he couldn't be sure in the dark, Ken thought. His best choice would probably be to wait in here a bit, but not too long. He had to be at the rendezvous point to meet the others just before dawn, which would hopefully leave them just enough time and darkness to slip away unseen. The problem would be getting out of the forest again. Ken was reasonably confident in his sense of direction, enough so that he was sure he could navigate his way back to the edge of the woods, but what then? The place where he had entered was sure to be watched, and there would probably be guards and soon police swarming all over the area. Ken thought about asking Omi to check and see if the forest edge ran somewhere safe and secluded where he could slip away, but then remembered that his headset wasn't working.

Ken was abruptly jerked out of his reverie by the sound of something rustling in the leaf litter somewhere off to his right. As quickly and silently as he could manage, he rolled off the log he'd been sitting on and behind it. Someone must have followed him. He strained to see where the person was, but his eyesight was almost useless in the predawn gloom made darker by the trees above him. Relying instead on his hearing, Ken listened carefully for any further noises his pursuer might make. For several minutes he heard nothing, then a small plant less than two feet away from him rustled. Acting instinctively, Ken shot out his hand and grabbed wildly for whatever had caused the disturbance. Amazingly enough, his fingers closed around something warm and living and he pulled hard.

Whatever he'd managed to grab emitted a startled yelp as it was abruptly dragged away from the plant and slammed roughly into the log. Ken paused for a moment in surprise. The yelp and grunt that the thing had made when it hit the wood sounded awfully like noises a human would make, but he couldn't have grabbed a human because it was far too small. And yet, it felt as though there were cloth of some sort beneath his fingers.

Then tiny teeth sank into his hand, and it was Ken's turn to yelp. He refused to release his captive, however, opting instead to slam it against the log again, a little harder this time. The creature made an angry noise, and Ken slammed it against the fallen tree again for good measure. With his free hand, he fumbled around, trying to locate the flashlight. Finally, he got it out and managed to turn it on one-handed, haphazardly trying to guide the beam of light towards whatever he had in his other hand. When he finally managed it, he nearly dropped the flashlight in surprise.

The thing he'd managed to catch looked like a little man. He stood barely two feet tall, but it was plain from his face and the long, rather shaggy beard that trailed from it that he was no child. His fingers and toes seemed to be longer than normal, and there was something peculiar about his eyes, but in the scant light provided by the flashlight, Ken couldn't tell what. The little man's face was twisted in a sneer as he glared at Ken.

"Looked your fill yet?" the little man asked, and Ken noted that he spoke with a slight accent, but he couldn't place what it was. "Perhaps you'll be letting me go once you're done staring at me."

"No," Ken answered simply, continuing to study his captive as he shifted his grip so that he held the small person by one arm.

The creature struggled, trying to get out of his hold. "Let me go, I say!"

"Why were you following me?" Ken asked.

"Who said I was following you?"

"I heard you," Ken said. "You must have known I was here. Why not simply go the other direction if you didn't want me to catch you?"

"Well," the little man admitted, "perhaps I was then. But only because I was wondering what you'd be doing in this forest. You've no right to be here; this is my forest."

Ken raised his eyebrows. "Yours?" he said disbelievingly.

"That's right, mine," said the little man, jutting his chin out. "And you're trespassing in it. I just thought to scare you off."

"How is this your forest?" Ken demanded. "You're not even from Japan."

"And how do you know?"

"We don't get little people like you in Japan," Ken said.

His captive sighed. "All right, so you've got me there. I'm one of the wee folk from Scotland."

"Then why aren't you there?" Ken wanted to know.

"Because they exiled me," the little man snapped. "So now I live in this forest, which you, Sir, are trespassing in."

"Yeah, yeah, I heard you the first time. You still haven't told me what makes this forest yours. It's not like your ancestors have lived here a long time. Do you have papers saying you own it?"

"You humans and your stupid papers," the little man spat. "No, I've no such things, but this forest is mine I say. I'm the only one who ever goes here, and I punish all trespassers who dare to come here." He smiled at Ken unpleasantly.

"Then why haven't you punished me yet?" Ken asked.

"Well, you have to let me go first."

"What, so it's 'Release me so I can punish you.'? Oh, yeah, that's gonna make me let you go," Ken muttered sarcastically.

"Well," the man said, looking thoughtful, "perhaps if you release me, I'll be nice and just forget about the punishing part."

"Fat chance," Ken muttered.

"Very well, if you let me go, I'll leave you alone, and I'll lead you to my gold."

"I thought leprechauns were the ones who had gold," Ken said, scrunching his brows in confusion. "Didn't you say you were from Scotland?"

The little man grimaced. "Yes, well, we're related to leprechauns. They're just the next isle over, after all. So, what do you say? Will you let me go if I take you to the gold?"

"What would I want with gold?" Ken wondered aloud. He couldn't think of anything he'd use it for. It wasn't as though he wanted for money; his job paid quite well. What he really wanted for was ways to spend it. The restrictions placed on him by Kritiker made that more difficult.

The little man was staring at him with incredulity and a little despair. He'd never yet encountered a human that hadn't gone for the gold trick, and he wasn't quite sure what to do. After thinking about it for a moment, he said, "Well, if it's not gold you want, what is it? I've magic, you know, I might be able to maybe grant a wish or two in return for my freedom."

Ken opened his mouth to say he wasn't interested in that either, then paused. If the little man was telling the truth, did that mean he could grant any wish? Ken wasn't sure it was right to ask, really he should be able to just handle things on his own, but damn it the prospect was just so tempting...

"Any wish?" Ken asked cautiously.

"Just name it," the little man said, some of his confidence returning with his captor's interest in this new offer.

"Well," Ken murmured, catching his lip between his teeth and worrying it slightly, "see, there's this guy on my team..."

"Ah," said the little man. "A rivalry, perhaps? You want me to make trouble for him?"

"No!" Ken cried, looking alarmed by the prospect. "Don't you dare do anything to him!" He shook his captive threateningly to emphasize his words. "It's not a rivalry, and I don't want trouble for him, although he can be a real jerk at times. See, I like this guy. I mean, I really like him, but he never pays attention to me. The only people he ever pays any attention to are his sister and that Sakura chick. She's always showing up at the shop too, looking for him, it's really annoying. I swear that girl has been taking lessons from Ouka."

"Hm," the little man said thoughtfully, and Ken suddenly had an image of him as a psychiatrist, notebook in hand, listening attentively while Ken lay on a couch and poured out his life story. "You want me to make you more noticeable to this fellow, is that it?"

"Yes!" Ken answered back excitedly. "That's it exactly. I just want him to notice me and like me." 'Maybe even love me,' he added silently, but he didn't dare say that aloud. There were some things one simply didn't wish for out loud. Besides, if this leprechaun's relative could get Aya to notice him, Ken hoped he'd be able to take care of the rest by himself.

"Well," the little man said, rubbing at his chin with his free hand, "I suppose that wouldn't be so difficult. If you'll just let go of my arm, I'll do something about it."

Ken frowned at him. "If I let go of you, no funny business, okay?"

The little man looked affronted that he had even suggested such a possibility. "Sir," he said stiffly, "I'll be granting your wish, and nothing else, I swear."

"All right then," Ken said doubtfully, and let go.

The little man pulled away and pointedly brushed off his coat sleeve where Ken had grabbed him, smoothing the cloth into immaculate order. Then he moved to stand in front of Ken, who was still cautiously training the flashlight on him, and stood very stiffly to attention. His hands began to move in front of him, forming intricate patterns as he mumbled something Ken couldn't understand under his breath. Belatedly, Ken realized that that was why he'd been safe from the man's magic before; he needed both hands free to perform spells. Then there was a blinding flash of light, and Ken cried out as he was engulfed in brightness. He felt himself falling, but was powerless to stop it and so he hit the ground with a thud and lay still for a very long time.

/-/-/-/

Awakening was a slow process for Ken. First came the realization that he was dreadfully cold and that whatever surface he was lying on was uneven and uncomfortable. Then as higher brain function gradually returned, it occurred to him that he probably wasn't supposed to be sprawled out flat on his back. Wasn't he supposed to be on a mission or something? But he thought he remembered finishing that mission and...

Ken sat bolt upright as he remembered the forest and his strange encounter there. He recalled his wish and wondered what the little man had done about it, aside from knocking him out cold, which wasn't very helpful. He supposed he would have to wait until he saw Aya before he could tell if there was a difference. Meeting Aya... Ken suddenly groaned aloud, clapping his hand to his forehead in dismay. The rendezvous! A glance around at the level of light filtering through the leaves told him that it must be past dawn already. He hadn't met with the others at the proper time! Aya was going to kill him! Probably Omi too. At the very least, the little blond would be peeved with Ken for making him worry unnecessarily.

Leaping to his feet, Ken snatched up the flashlight from where it lay in the leaf litter, still emitting a feeble glow. He took off running in what he was reasonably sure was the direction he'd come from, no longer caring that there might be guards or police at the edge of the woods there. The thought first and foremost in his mind was that he had to find his team as soon as possible. He ran a little faster, only to stop short suddenly as he felt a bounce and tug at his chest. That hurt, damn it! Ken brought one hand up to press against the area in question, only to freeze in shock.

Underneath his hand was considerably more flesh than he remembered having there. For a moment, an insane idea passed through his head that maybe he had managed to gain quite a bit of weight in a short space of time. But no, that couldn't be it, because when he slid his hand down to his stomach, it was flat enough. With a growing sense of horror, Ken looked down at himself. He quickly came to the conclusion that the body he was looking at was not the one he was used to. Nor was his chest the only affected area; his hips seemed to have grown considerably, leaving his waist looking narrow by comparison. Oh God, he had curves...

Wildly, Ken looked around for the little man who had misinterpreted his wish, but his tormentor seemed to have had the good sense to flee before Ken awoke. Making a sound of rage deep in his throat, Ken pulled at his hair, one of the few things unaffected by the transformation.

"You bastard!" Ken shrieked, his voice at least an octave higher than he was used to hearing it. "You turned me into a girl!"

Tbc...