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He'll know, Nicky thought desperately as she stared, transfixed, at the message she'd just received on her phone.

He'll know it the first time I move; there's no way I can hide it from him.

She had thought that she'd be able to get away with it. He wasn't due back in for at least a month… but according to the message she'd just received he had completed his assignment early. He'd be in her office today and it was too soon.

Her mind raced; already envisioning every aspect of how the encounter would go. He'd see the limp that she'd try desperately to hide. He wouldn't miss the too-stiff movement of her right arm. He'd register the careful shallowness of her breathing and he'd know.

It wouldn't take him more than a few seconds.


When Jason Bourne walked into her office just a few hours later she prayed that she'd done enough. This would be a short interview. He'd need to start right away on the new op she was giving him. After his message, she'd allowed herself only a few seconds of panic then gotten busy; her mind clear and focused on creating enough of a distraction to make him miss her injuries.


Her first step had been to call her boss.

Conklin answered his phone tersely; he was already irritated at Parsons. She had been, in his opinion, somewhat overzealous about keeping Desh out of the field after the trouble he'd recently caused and although he knew that part of what made her such a good handler was that she never stopped trying to protect her assets to the best of her abilities, he had already let her know that his decision on this matter was final and he'd expected her to drop it. This better not be about Desh again, he growled to himself.

She took a deep breath. She could tell by his tone that he was already mad and she knew that she'd have to play her cards perfectly in order for her plan to work. "It's Parsons, sir. I've got Bourne coming in in a few minutes. He finished his assignment early for some reason and I'm scrambling to get his paperwork ready at the last minute, so I have to be quick- but I wanted to touch base with you one last time about Desh."

She took a deep breath before continuing, letting him hear her shuffling a few papers on her desk, wanting to make sure that the information she'd 'casually' dropped into the conversation had a chance to register with her boss.

"Sir, I'm still not comfortable with putting him back in the field so soon after his… incident." Nicky waited, giving him a chance to make the suggestion; to take the bait she was dangling in front of him.

"Damn it, Parsons. You've made your position clear and so have I." The frustration he felt at having this conversation with her again was clear in his voice. "We don't have anyone else to send and this mission is time sensitive." She waited; not wanting to press her luck. Please, please, please take the bait she prayed.

This was a dangerous game she was playing and she knew it. When Conklin gave an order he expected his subordinates to follow it without question. However, she had never been afraid to stand up to him when it involved the best interests of her assets and past experience had made her well aware of exactly how far she could push him before he snapped. His tone coming over the phone was as clear of a warning as she'd ever get from him. He wouldn't tolerate anything more from her on this subject.

But that was okay; she'd done enough.

He knew as well as she did that Desh wasn't at a hundred percent. They just hadn't had any choice about sending him… until Bourne came back.

It would have been so much simpler to just suggest the swap herself but that would have been too much of a risk. Conklin would almost certainly have been suspicious. Nicky Parsons would never, under normal circumstances, advocate sending one of her assets back into the field this quickly.

Her debriefings were the longest and most detailed of all the Treadstone handlers. It was one of the things that made her so very good at her job. She took the necessary time to ask the right questions, was adept at pulling the answers she needed from even the most reluctant asset, and she meticulously recorded everything in her reports.

Following the debriefing, she always met with their doctors in person after each post-op physical, while most of the handlers were content to simply verify that they were approved for field duty. She even conducted her own basic psych evals; correctly recognizing that she knew her assets better than the agency shrinks.

She cared about the mental and physical well-being of her assets more than the other handlers did. Nicky Parsons would never voluntarily skip or cut short that process. The suggestion that Bourne be returned to the field so quickly could not come from her without raising huge red flags to everyone in the program.

And truly, if it came down to a choice between Bourne and Desh, she knew that Desh was the logical choice, even given the reservations that she had about his mental health.

The two week wait Bourne was due really was a necessary part of the Treadstone process. When the assets were on an assignment; their work totally consumed them. They often neglected their most basic needs; food, sleep, and health. The gap between assignments could, in no way, be considered 'down time' for them.

The nutritionists & trainers that they met with ensured that they were on track with their weight and strength-training. The doctors adjusted their meds to handle any issues that the handlers noted in their reports, blood tests were taken to ensure that they were following their prescribed regimens, and psych evaluations were conducted to check for any developments of psychoses.

It could only be skipped in the most dire of circumstances and the current circumstances did not come close to meeting Nicky Parsons' definition of 'dire'.

Desh was rested, physically fit, and prepared to do the op. Bourne would not only be skipping his break, he'd be going in cold. The concerns about Desh's mental health came from Nicky; not the psychologists. They'd cleared Desh a week ago but Nicky disagreed. She hadn't fully explained her reasoning, simply stating in her official report that the asset appeared overly anxious and it was her recommendation that he receive an additional psych evaluation before he was sent out again.

She knew that it would almost certainly come back fine and Bourne hadn't had a single test, eval, or physical in close to two months. It just didn't make sense to send Bourne instead and she knew it.

Nicky had her own personal reasons to want Bourne back in the field and she could not risk having her motivations questioned by Conklin or anyone else in Treadstone. The decision needed to come from him so that there would be no additional scrutiny of the Nicky Parsons/Jason Bourne relationship.

So she waited; saying nothing.

"Send Bourne." he finally barked. It wasn't the choice that he'd have made own his own, but given Parsons' somewhat odd reluctance to put Desh back into the field he felt it would be the simplest course of action. It would finally shut her up about Desh and Bourne could easily handle it. Problem solved.

Play it cool, Nicky she thought as she clenched her fist in silent victory. She knew she had to put up some kind of protest. This was a highly unusual deviation from procedure and under normal circumstances, she'd have strongly disagreed with it.

"He's hasn't even been debriefed yet." She argued. "SOP says a two week wait and a physical between ops, and besides I don't have enough time to make the changes that…" but Conklin cut her off in the middle of her rant; just as she knew he would, and the tiniest of smiles flitted across her face in reaction to his interruption.

"Don't quote the handbook to me, Nicky. I wrote the damned thing." Conklin was close to losing his temper entirely at this point. Christ, the girl was getting what she wanted and still arguing with him. He continued "You know as well as I do that standard operating procedures are merely… 'suggestions'. Bourne will do the op as long as the doc signs off on him physically. Desh can have another week to get reevaluated and that is my final decision."

She breathed a secret sigh of relief as she meekly ended the conversation with Conklin. Then she dry-swallowed three extra-strength Advil and got to work. This really was not going to be easy and it only had the slimmest chance of working anyway but as she thought grimly to herself slim is better than none.

Desh had had the assignment for an entire week and everything was ready to go. It was a relatively simple op and Jason Bourne was nothing if not efficient. He'd need only a quick briefing and a few minutes to review the file. She knew that he wouldn't even take it with him when he left; he'd memorize what he needed and leave it on her desk for her to shred as he always did.

She knew what changes he'd want to make to the other asset's plans. They all had their own quirks and preferences and she was comfortably familiar enough with them that the adjustments were completely finalized just minutes before Jason walked through her door.

The upside of the limited time frame she was up against was that she had had no time to fret, her mind was totally occupied in ensuring that he had everything he needed to succeed on the mission and that she'd minimized any possible scenario that would put her injuries on display during their meeting.

She would stay seated the whole time she was in his view; that would give him no chance to notice her limp.

She would also need to keep her arm movements to a minimum. It would be so much easier to hide if it had been my left arm, she thought to herself but he would definitely notice if she suddenly began using her left in lieu of her dominant right arm so she had come up with a plan that meant she'd be doing very little with either. She'd already placed the file he'd need in front of his usual seat. She wouldn't need to stretch her arm out over the desk to hand it to him as she usually did. She'd have her hands ready at the keyboard, and everything could be accessed without needing to use the mouse.

No twisting or turning, she reminded herself, it hurts too much to hide.


"Welcome back" she said, barely glancing up from her computer offering a brief smile when he entered her office and using what she hoped sounded like a distracted tone. She was happy to see him. She always felt an uncomfortable sort of tightness in her chest when he left for an op and it never completely relaxed until he was back and they were physically in the same room together. But this time there was an undercurrent of fear mixed in that she hoped he couldn't sense.

"Please shut the door behind you. We've got a lot to do and not a lot of time to get it done." She made her request politely but with a carefully crafted tone of exasperation that she hoped would be enough to make him believe her unusual request was due to the time constraints they'd be working under. She was a fairly decent actress when she needed to be, but Bourne was not easily deceived; especially when it came to Nicky.

He never shut the door behind him, despite being well-aware that their conversations were considered confidential and that she'd inevitably be forced to get up and walk past him to do it. She didn't know if he got some kind of a kick out of it; if it was just one of the countless little mind games he seemed to enjoy playing with her, but she knew to expect it and hoped that he'd write off this small idiosyncrasy as her simply being too busy to attend to it herself. There was no way she could walk across the room without giving her secret away.


Jason noted the change in routine, small as it was, and it bothered him.

He left doors open for a reason. It wasn't a game for him. He was simply being nice. He had long been aware of how downright terrifying the 'office agents' found him and he had, early-on, adopted a simple habit of leaving the door open when he was in their space with them. It calmed them to feel that they weren't trapped in a tiny little room with him. If they needed the door shut, he let them do it, and in his experience, they felt safer that way. It was a small thing that most of them never even noticed, but small things could make a big difference. Small things mattered to Jason Bourne, which was why Nicky's request of even this small change in routine was noted.

He shut the door as she'd asked and sat down in his usual chair, one that provided a clear line of sight on both the exit and the windows with Nicky in the center of his view. It was good to see Nicky. It was always good to see Nicky. But something was off about her. He knew it instinctively, though he couldn't yet pinpoint what it was or why he felt that way.

He realized that something in his expression had given away his suspicions when she gave him a puzzled little look and asked "What's wrong?".

It was an outright attempt to deflect attention away from herself and she pressed her advantage when he shot her a slightly confused look. "You finished an assignment early. That's unusual for you."

"The opportunity presented itself. There was no need to wait."

That was all he was going to give her right now. He'd provide the details when she asked the official questions and filled out the paperwork; following the usual routine of closing up an op. For now, he was still watching her and she was still aware that his suspicions were aroused.

So she did her best to look exasperated as she continued, "Well, you have the absolute worst timing. Conklin was in my office when you coded in and he's assigned you another op." There was no outward sign of acknowledgement from him. He simply continued to watch her.

She continued speaking rapidly in the hopes of creating enough of a sense of urgency to deflect from his steady gaze on her.

"It was supposed to be Desh's assignment; you'll be leaving tomorrow at 0500; details are in the file; please look them over for any additional last minute changes that you'll need me to make." she said nodding towards the file in front of him.

She narrowed her eyes as she looked across the desk at him and continued speaking, grumpily adding, "Your little 'opportunity' has been a big hassle for me. I've had to rewrite the whole op with practically no notice and I also managed to get my hand slapped by Conklin for arguing that you shouldn't be out in the field again so soon."

Is that it? She's frazzled by the last minute changes and upset about getting hassled by Conklin? Jason could accept that. He would have accepted that; if she hadn't made another small change to their routine.

Nicky had left the file sitting on her desk for him to pick up instead of handing it to him. An admittedly small thing, yes, but it was not like her to be even slightly careless with classified files. She held the files in her hands or left them locked in a drawer until she passed them to him and immediately shredded them when he left her office. He realized that he subconsciously listened for the sound of the shredder every time he walked away from a briefing with her. It was a tidy little closing to their periodic meetings but the thought suddenly surfaced, unbidden, in his mind that he wouldn't be hearing that sound as he left today and it made him uneasy.

She handled last-minute changes all the time with grace and competency. Really, she thrived on it. And since her first day on the job she'd held her ground against Conklin, even openly defying him the few times she'd felt it was necessary without the slightest hesitancy. She might be too busy to bother with the door but she'd never be too busy to short-cut her personal standards for handling classified materials. Something was wrong and whatever it was, it was more than frustration with Conklin or the hassle of dealing with last-minute op changes could account for.

Something's wrong with Nicky.

He knew it. He might not know exactly what it was, but it was there, and it was undeniable.

He couldn't ask her. Their conversation was almost certainly being monitored and he didn't dare risk setting off the alarm bells of anyone who may be watching or listening by evincing an undue familiarity with her. He'd keep watching and he'd figure it out. He was good at that; very good.

But he was also good at his job. So he picked up the file and scanned it, immediately deciding that the plan would work as it was without any changes. However, he wasn't ready to leave her just yet. He needed more time to figure it out.

"Why here?" he asked pointing at the site she'd carefully selected for him despite knowing exactly why she'd chosen it for him. It provided only an adequate vantage point but it clearly had the best exit strategy. It was exactly the place he'd have chosen himself.

He kept the paper slightly tilted toward himself and remained seated so that she'd be forced to lean forward over the desk to see what he was pointing at. And when she did, he was watching her, and he saw it. There was the tiniest hesitation in her movement and pain flickered in her eyes as she leaned, too carefully, forward.

Nicky was hurt.

Nicky was hurt and Nicky was trying to hide it from him.

Author's Note:

This is my first Bourne fic and I hope I've done a decent job portraying the characters. Chapter 2 will be up in few days and we'll find out the extent of Nicky's injuries. She's hurt pretty badly and Jason's going to be pissed at her for intentionally trying to hide it from him. We'll get to learn more about their relationship once they're out of the office but we won't find out what happened to her until at least chapter 3. The details of Desh's "incident" will be held for a later chapter as well.

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