Fact about me, Brokenrussiancrawl:

For some unknown reason, I've been in a sad mood and I decided to write something that is sad also. I'm going to try and take you through stages on grief.

Denial

"Jason, she's dead."

Jason stood there looking at Patrick Drake, the best doctor in General Hospital, not believing what he had just told him. It couldn't be true, she was just there, laughing and smiling like normal. She was always there, no matter what. And now Patrick was telling him that the woman that he is in love with, and has loved ever since he woke up from the coma so many years ago, was dead.

Dead?

How could this happen?

Why?

Why her?

Thoughts were spinning through his head and were making him almost choke form wanting to say them out loud. He just couldn't bring himself to say anything. Not at this moment.

He shook his head and stepped back, looking at Patrick with accusing eyes. Every thing around him started to blur and an ach in his chest began to grow. A stinging sensation built in his eyes, water blurring everything in his line of sight.

"I'm sorry, Jason, we did everything that we could, but she was just so sick. There was nothing that we could have done to help her. We just made it easier for her, you know taking away some of the pain."

Jason couldn't believe this.

It was not happening.

'There was nothing that we could have done to help her.' What the hell did that mean?

How could there be nothing?

"We are actually surprised she lived this long. She was a very strong woman and for her to have made it this long was a shock to us all."

As he blinked a tear fell down his cheek. Shortly noticing, Carly was right next to him, giving him comfort that he didn't want. The only thing he did want was to be with the woman that everyone was claiming dead. The woman that was there every night when he got home, the one that always made him smile when everything was crashing down around him. She was his light, his better half. And now she's supposedly gone! All he wanted was for the beautiful woman to come out of the room giving him a smile, he wanted her to come up to him and give him a hug and kiss on his cheek, telling him that… she was ok and she'd be home soon.

"Jason… Are you okay?"

Okay?

Am I okay?

I am not okay.

He wiped the tear away quickly and with hatred emotion he looked at Carly, shocked that she would ask that. Some man just told him that the woman that he had loved for almost all him life, well all his Jason Morgan's life, had just died and she wanted to know if he was okay. No, no he was not fucking ok. There was nothing ok with this situation. How could she even ask that? It made no sense to him.

He scoffed at her, "Oh yeah, never been better." He shrugged off her arm and began to walk away.

"Jason, where are you going?" Carly yelled from behind him. He didn't turn around, he couldn't turn around. His feet kept moving, picking up pace until he was at a run, trying to escape this nightmare. He didn't even wait for the damn elevator knowing that Sonny and everyone will be there waiting, waiting. He took the stairs, tripping and stumbling on his way down, trying to rid himself of the voices that said she was dead, she was not coming back, that he would never see her again. As he was running to his car he kept telling himself that he was dreaming, and that he would wake up for this dream at any second. He would find himself in their bed and he would wrap his strong arms around her and burry his face him her hair, taking in the smell of her.

Flashback

"What is it that you want me to do with the shipment, Stone Cold?" Spinelli asked.

"I want you to move it to this location." Jason handed him a peace of paper that had Sonny's hand writing all over it.

"Can I ask why?"

"Sonny is afraid that some of the shipment is going to get stolen so he asked us to make it look as though we had just moved it a new location."

"Oh, I can do that."

"Good. I don't want to have to go and tell Sonny that you messed this up." Jason was trying so hard not to laugh at the younger man but was failing miserably. "Calm down, I was only joking."

It was a while later and Jason and Spinelli were going over paper work when he heard her moving around upstairs. He knew that she must be getting ready to leave but he had no idea where she was going; he thought today was her day off. She had come down the stairs smiling at him. He smiled back and went over to her.

"What are you doing today? Isn't it your day off?"

"Yeah, I just need to go into the hospital and check something, I should be back soon though." She gave him her award winning smile, "You won't even have a chance to miss me."

"Oh, I think I will." He smiled at her and leaned into give her a kiss. She kissed him back and smiled at him as she rested her forehead against his. "What time are you going to be back?"

She laughed, "I haven't even left yet and you are already counting my return? I could get used to that." She gave him a kiss; this one was different, deeper, more loving than the other ones. It was a good-bye kiss and this one felt like he would never get another. She left looking at him one last time before she shut the door. There it was; a look in her eyes that he hadn't seen in a long time. She was scared and Jason had no idea of what.

End Flashback

Once he was in his car he began to drive. No destination in mind; just drove. He felt like he wanted to cry. No he wanted to sob. But he couldn't let them fall. She wasn't dead. He kept telling himself this, over and over again. If he said it enough times then it will have to end up true. It had to be, there was no way that he she could be dead.

Jason was so lost in thought that he had no idea that he was sitting in his car and that it was stopped right by the docks. He got of the car and walked to the bench that they normally sit on when they are here.

As he sat there he just kept telling himself that this was some sick joke. That at any moment he would wake up, feel her beside him and forget all about this horrible dream that decided to flood his mind.

This was a dream.

This wasn't happening.

She was fine.

She wasn't dead.

She just couldn't be.

Patrick and Carly were playing a game with him; some sick, twisted, demented game that was not funny. He just couldn't believe that she was gone form his life. He had just seen her this morning telling him that she felt a little off, but it's no big deal. She had smiled at him and given him a kiss leaving and that was it. He was sitting there at the desk going over paper work for Sonny and that was when he got the call. That she had been so sick that they had had to rush her into surgery and a few hours later of just sitting there in a waiting room waiting to see what the out come would be, and when he would get to take her home. But as the hours passed a feeling began to grow in the pit of his stomach and then Drake had come out of the elevator.

The entire time he was sitting there he had never even thought of the possibility that she would die. Patrick was supposedly a miracle worker and the one time Port Charles needed a miracle one wasn't given to them.

It could not be happening.

It's a nightmare.

She was fine.

His phone rang and he looked at the number. It was Spinelli. He probably already herd, witch meant that sooner or later he would be getting a lot more calls. People giving him pity looks and say useless sorry's that wouldn't bring her back to him. I ignore the call, finding relief in the sudden silence.

At this moment he could escape and just consume all of his thoughts with her. The feelings he had were like nothing he had ever felt before. He felt sick, like he wanted to cry. But he didn't, he just sat there and became hollow.

Vaguely did he notice that someone sat next him on the bench. Not touching him but just sitting there giving him comfort by being there. Jason should have known that the guy would find him; it wouldn't take that much trying. He knew who it was, and he knew that the younger man that was sitting with him in silence was hurting in a way that was somewhat like his own.

"I'm sorry Stone Cold. She was a great person. I am deeply sorry for what happened." Spinelli whispered to him, hurt evident in his voice, with a mixture of shock and sorrow.

"She's not dead. She-she can't be." His voice broke. Twice.

Spinelli didn't know what to say or what to do, so he just nodded his head and said, "I know."

Jason watched Spinelli look at him and then turn his head back to the water, watching the moon gleam off of the water and the boats float around. Smelling the water and feeling the cool air breeze across his face. Jason felt himself become hollower; feeling as if him nothing emotionally could hurt him.

I would love a review.