Disclaimer: I don't own RENT, if I did I would marry Mark, but cheat on him with Roger.

A/N: This is my first RENT fic and my first Slash fic (it will become more slashy), but not because I've just discovered either. I just felt like writing some Mark/Roger and this came to me. Thank you to Lauren for the beta-read.

Defining Moments

Chapter One: Beginning

I remember the day I realized I loved him. Roger, I mean. That was one day that would change both our lives. It was the day April died. She had been living with us for a few months: Roger, Maureen, Collins, Benny, me, and April. She had always been pretty thoughtful, never did much of anything on whim. That made her the perfect match for the rash, impulsive Roger. That day she was going to give blood. Cash was short and the donation would help those worse off than even she was.

"Hello, may I help you?" asked the clerk at the front desk. His eyes swept over April as if assessing how much Lysol he would need to sanitize his floor after she had left.

"Um, I have an appointment with Dr. Marshall. My name is April." The clerk waited as if he was expecting a last name or a twenty dollar bill.

"Let me check, you can take a seat - or, no. Just wait here." April leaned against the desk as the clerk rifled through mounds of papers in search any record of the almost nameless girl in front of him. In the second stack of colorful forms he appeared to have found something. "Ah, Miss April. You can go straight back to the lab. Second door on your left." The clerk barely waited until after she left to pull out his spray sanitizer.

"Hell, April. If you will sit down here, we'll begin in a moment." Dr. Marshall pointed to a reclining chair set up next to two fluid bags on an IV stand. The nurse cut off the circulation in her upper arm and swabbed down the place in the crook of April's elbow where the blood flowed strongest.

"First, I'm going to take just enough blood to do some testing on. Basic things just to make sure your blood is safe for others." April felt the prick as the syringe entered her vein and then the larger pain when the needle was inserted that would actually take her donation. She had looked away while the test blood had been drawn, but now she could not resist. She turned to see her blood streaming out of her arm, through the plastic tube, and into the sterile bag. It looked so red, so thick, and there was so much, as if she could bleed forever and never run out.

"That's it, we're done! Here, drink this." The nurse handed her a glass of orange juice while another put a band-aid on the pinprick and plastered a sticker on her shirt as if April was a little kid in for her tetanus booster. "We'll get the lab results from your blood test later today. We'll call you by 7:00 PM if there's anything abnormal at all. Thank you, April." April walked out of the office in a daze. She spent most of the day wandering the Alphabet City and trying to find anything that would bring her even a temporary peace of mind until 7. She passed the Cat Scratch Club, the Life Café, the Food Emporium, the Rusty Zip, where Roger's band often played, all without noticing or entering. Somehow at 6:30 PM, April found that her feet had led her home, to the loft and the empty lot beside it. She climbed the stair and opened the door, all without thinking about where she was or what she was doing.

"Hey, baby! How'd the vampirism go?" Roger greeted April with a kiss, but she turned away and handed him the 20 dollars that her blood had earned them. "What's wrong? Do you feel ok? I hear blood loss can make you pretty woozy." Roger took April into his arms kissed her playfully on the side of her neck. Again, she dodged his lips and shook away his arms.

"I'll be fine, I- I'm just tired." April grabbed the phone and locked herself in the loft's small bathroom. Placing the phone on the toilet seat, she sat down and waited for the clinic to call.

hr

The phone rings. April doesn't screen. She picks it up on the second ring.

"Hello?" Her hands tremble as she raises the phone to her ear.

"Yes, April? This is Dr. Marshall from the Red Cross Clinic. I have your test results back and I'm afraid we did receive some unusual results. We can't use your blood. April, I'm sorry, there's no easy way to tell you this, but you are HIV positive. Now, you need to alert anyone that you have slept with in the past six months so that they can get themselves tested and on medication. Now, in your case, I would like to but you on a couple of antibiotics which will help to strengthen your immune system. April? Miss April, are you listening to me?" April wasn't. After the words "HIV positive" she had dropped the phone. She looked at herself in the mirror. Her life was over. Whether it ended today or three years from today, she was still dead. There really was no point in walking around like a shadow with no purpose. She opened the medicine cabinet and pulled out Roger's rarely used straight razor. She looked at herself in the mirror, her eyes welling with tears even as they were still with determination. She began to run the water in the bathtub, plugging the bottom and letting it fill. She sat down on the edge and looked at the razor in the light. The edge was a little dull, but it would have to do. Closing her eyes, she drew the razor sharply over her left wrist. It was easy, too easy. The blood began to flow, looking the same as it had in the clinic, but also different, freer. In this cold bathroom, it was not confined to a sterile tube, but flowed freely, staining all that it touches.

"Hey, Babe - are you alright in there? I heard the phone ring, I hope it wasn't the landlord! April? Can I come in?" Roger. April had somehow forgotten about him. She had to tell him, he had to know or else some other girl would end up like her. With her hand shaking, April dipped her forefinger into the pool of blood and began to write. As deftly as she could, April wrote out Roger's death sentence on the wall of the bathroom. Barely able to stand, she crawled into the overflowing bathtub to let the rest of her blood drain. She watched as the water turned pink, then was blurred by the spots clouding her vision.

"APRIL!!! What's wrong? Open this door! April, answer me!! Mark, help! April's locked herself in the bathroom and isn't answering." I watched from my usual place in the shadows as Roger ripped the door open, breaking whatever locking mechanism had previously been there. "NO, no, no. April!!!" Roger couldn't go in. The blood was too red, April was too pale, and the water had turned her drained body into a prune. That was my cue. I walked into the light and held my friend, the man I had lived with for years. He cried into my shoulder, permanently staining my sweater with his tears. I stroked his head and back, trying to comfort the sadness that I knew could not be comforted. I looked over his shoulder and saw the writing on the wall, April's last message to her lover. In dripping red letters, she had simply written "We've got AIDS." That was the moment. My heart was wrenched apart as I realized the double wound which had punched my roommate, my friend, and - now I knew - my love. I loved Roger more than I had every loved anybody, more even than Maureen. That was the moment that changed everything. The moment of truth, of strife, and even of joy. Maybe someday I'll tell him about the joy. Another Day.

Read it? Loved it? Hated it? Review it!

A/N: I will try to update by the end of the week, if it kills me.

P. S. I did have tears welling in my eyes while I wrote this