Hey everyone—

I know I said that I might not be writing for a while, but I thought that I would take a different route and try to see how I could do a character study of a male character—Miroku. I am basing this off of the whole CD of Oasis: "What's the Story Morning Glory." If you want to have hints about the next chapter or chapter title, just look up the play list, I'll be going in order. Hope its well received,

Thanks,

--MC

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HELLO

I don't feel as if I know you
You take up all my time
The days are long and the night will throw you away
Cos the sun don't shine
Nobody ever mentions the weather can make or break your day
Nobody ever seems to remember life is a game we play

We live in the shadows and we had the chance and threw it away
And it's never gonna be the same
Cos the years are following by like the rain
And it's never gonna be the same
'Til the life I knew comes to my house and says
Hello

There ain't no sense in feeling lonely
They got no faith in you
But I've got a feeling you still owe me
So wipe the shit from your shoes
Nobody ever mentions the weather can make or break your day
Nobody ever seems to remember life is a game we play

We live in the shadows and we had the chance and threw it away
And it's never gonna be the same
Cos the years are following by like the rain
And it's never gonna be the same
'Til the life I knew comes to my house and says
Hello

Hello!
Hello!
Hello!
Hello!
It's good to be back

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I'm being pensive again.

I'm over thinking it all. Again.

But each time I think about, I'm not understanding it. Again.

It doesn't really matter. I mean, when you think about your life, it really all doesn't matter. Yes Buddha, blah blah blah Buddha. I'm not really a good monk anyways. Which is all the more reason why it just doesn't matter. Yes I spout off a bunch of nonsense every now and again and everyone thinks I'm philosophical under the exterior of the groping hands, but no one ever really gets past that. They simply take for granted that there is more to me than these horrid monk robes, the kazaana and these blasted wandering hands. It's not my fault I like to feel the line of beauty as it curves over certain areas of the female anatomy. Fuck, certain areas? Any areas. But that's beside the point. What is beyond the monk madness? Beyond the gaping hole in my palm? What is beyond the worshipers of beauty labeled as the devil's appendages?

Perhaps even I don't know. Or I'd rather not know. But I DO know. I know what lies behind everything, what I hide every time I see them, see my supposed friends surround me, as they sleep, as we eat, as we fight.

I am alone. And no one cares.

Certainly it could be said that I don't know her as well as I should (or would like). But when you're selfish, trivial things like this don't bother you.

So…

I am alone. And no one cares.

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"Houshi, if you touch me one more time, I WILL do serious damage," Sango yelled, blushing prettily. Well, any woman blushing was pretty. I suppose. Oh, right, erm…retrieving hand.

"Miroku-sama, do you want some ramen," Kagome asked. When life gives you an opportunity…

"Kagome-sama, you know what I want more than ramen? I would really enjoy some old-fashioned—"

"That warning goes for Kagome as well, Houshi."

"Uhh, jellied squid." Damn, it was the best I could come up with. Kagome gave me a puzzled look and handed me the ramen.

"Well, that is obviously going to have to do for now. Perhaps I could bring home some from the future, I've been meaning to go home anyways." And with that she was off in her own little world, planning things that I could never begin to understand or comprehend. Sometimes she was so innocent I wondered how she survived in this world at all.

"Stop right there, wench." Ah, Inuyasha HAS decided to grace us with his presence. Most fortunate since I was kind of getting bored. I mean, I do restrain myself somewhat and it was getting harder and harder (hah, I'm a riot) to accomplish when I was presented with so many opportunities to allow my hands to wander to more…fertile pastures. At least now I had someone to talk to that isn't afraid to sit somewhat near me…

"What do you want now, Inuyasha?" Kagome was in a fiery mood, I see. Normal normal normal blah blah blah.

"You are not going home now. Especially not to get something for the monk. We have shards to collect, things to do." Things to see, people to do…erm. Thanks Inuyasha, buddy old pal.

"But Inuyasha! I haven't gone home in about, what? Three weeks? I have things to do at home, thank you!"

"Yeah, she does!" Ahh, there is the faithful lap-fox piping in to say nothing particularly important but he is just so darn cute no one cares. Well, at least, that's umm…what the WOMEN think.

"Shut up, Shippou." Inuyasha certainly doesn't think so. Well, to Inuyasha's credit, I highly doubt that he finds anything particularly cute. Well, maybe Kikyou. Well, maybe Kagome? I don't really, well, notice his specific emotions towards the two. Well, alright. I don't think he loves her, you know, Kagome. I think he is a stupid idiot. When it comes to love! Um, he is a good guy, really. Just slightly confused and befuddled, perhaps. Aren't we all? Anyways, Kagome is sitting Inuyasha and stomping away and—

"Holy fuck, Inuyasha, what the hell is that?" A sickening crunch was heard from the general direction Kagome just walked in. My heart began to thud against my ribcage as if it were some heathen drummer egging it on for a strange, masked war. Once the spell wore off I could hear Inuyasha tearing through the forest behind me, but I had already taken off at a sprint before I could even begin to think or even explain just why my heart was doing an elaborate dance to the horrible fast "pop" music Kagome once brought us. Stumbling into a clearing, I skidded to a halt as Inuyasha glided past me and halted before me, half shielding me with his body. I'm not that helpless, thanks. However, before I could rebuke the obvious protection (I am not Kagome, I can protect myself!), the crunch sounded again, this time above our heads. Looking up, Kagome was being held in a disgusting bird youkai's mouth, as he flew two and fro above us, as if tempting us to attack him. Without a word Inuyasha had the tetsuiaga out and jumped into the air, slicing anything that somewhat resembled an ugly bird holding his precious Kagome. For she was his, really, in all essences of the word—I bit my tongue to stop the thought. Not the time, Miroku. Not the time.

Kagome swayed perilously in the bird's engorged mouth, Inuyasha not making much foreground in the fighting department. However, he did manage to distract him a bit.

"Hiraikotsu!" Ah, Sango has arrived. "Kirara, go get Kagome!" The little youkai sprang into life to go rescue the slipping Kagome and I just stood here. Looking. Stupid. Sango threw here Hiraikotsu again and I just stood. Here. Looking. Stupid. Air void: useless due to Sango, Kirara, Inuyasha and Kagome in the path of its destruction. My Houriki: useless just like I am. I could suggest something to do. If someone asked me to suggest something I could—

"Houshi, what the hell are you doing?" Sango yelled as she threw her Hiraikotsu for the fifth time (showoff). "Kirara is coming down with Kagome—tend to her wounds for Kami's sake."

Kuso. She was right. I was sitting here distracted and I could hear the screech of the bird youkai as Kirara grasped Kagome as gently as possible in her teeth and flying to my side. She then quickly deposited her to join to foray once more, helping the fight more than I ever could.

She looked horrible. Gashes, unconsciousness, blood—the look of the feudal era. If there could be a theme for this era, I'm sure Kagome would be the star—her body was almost unrecognizable due to the battered way the youkai bastard held her in his careless mouth. At first I was shocked. And then it all started coming back to me, the minor training, the procedures. I lifted her tiny kimono at the center to reveal more of the stomach on her gash. Running my fingers over her wound, I felt her groan lightly in her unconsciousness. Pushing her kimono up farther (do you think I would stoop to grope her now? Erm…perhaps I did linger a bit too long on her soft, pale skin but…) I needed to see the extent of injuries. Right, step one; check if she is steal breathing. I gently laid her across my lap (no chance of spinal chord breakage?) and pressed my ear to her mouth and looking at the gentle rise of her chest as I tried to ignore her lips subtly brushing my sensitive ear. Shiver Check for breathing. Now, second, treat the most life-threatening injury first while making sure she is breathing. Her most life threatening injury at the moment would be…

"Houshi? Do something!"

"I'm doing the best I can at the moment, Sango."

"Well your best isn't good enough, heal her," she said ferociously as she threw her weapon especially hard. "If you don't—"

"There isn't much I can do, Sango. There is never much I can do." Her eyes turned to me as she caught her Hiraikotsu mechanically. Her eyes were cold yet white flames danced in them as she leaned over to me.

"Damnit, make yourself useful, Houshi! Don't just sit there feeling pathetic about your kazanna and grope her! You're a monk! Heal her!"

Trying to restrain myself from lashing out in retaliation, I grit my teeth and gathered Kagome into my arms. "Monks don't work that way. But there is something I can do." And before she could retort with something even more painful, I left, traveling towards the well, leaving Sango and Inuyasha to finish off the youkai.

And that was it, right there, wasn't it? That is exactly what I was…a helpless, hopeless monk who feels sorry for himself all the time and uses his kazanna as an excuse to grope and take advantage of women. The bottom line, the sum up, the chapter heading. I had just discovered what exactly I was in the face of an enraged Taija and the thing that bothered me (must hurry, Kagome is groaning again) most was that SHE HAD NO IDEA. Was I simply a man who felt sorry himself? I certainly thought a lot about (putting her down by the well as I ripped her kimono to expose her stomach gouge) myself, but doesn't everyone? The thing that that bothers me the most is that, at that moment, I found what Sango really thought of me. She might deny it later, but in pure rage the truth had come out (need something to stop the blood—). She didn't—

Kagome groaned again. (Damn, she's vocal, store that in my "good information to know" drawer) Right, I need to concentrate on her. Now think Miroku, think, you weren't staying in the home of a medicine Buddhist for nothing, right? Think…there has to be something around here. Remember? Kushino said something about an orchid being able to treat wounds that was found on grassy slopes of foothills! Bletilla! Get up, idiot. Go find some, she needs her wounds looked after. Now.

So I got up (after I arranged her comfortably on my outer robes). I shifted the large bulge on her back to her head (had I really carried her and her backpack all the way to the well?) I got up. Bletilla, bletilla…its coming back to me now. Plicate leaves, violet flowers…about two feet. Leaves, violet flowers…leaves, violet flowers…leaves, violet flowers. Where are you? Kuso. There just has to be some around. She can't just die out here. She can't just come from the future and just die in the past before she was even born. She can't go before—

I almost trampled on it; I was so shocked to see the plant sitting there as if Kushino himself had guided me. Hastily picking off several leaves, I ran back to Kagome. Now, I remember, he said something about having to mix it with something. Something used for cooking…damn it, Miroku. My memory—oh, he did have an attractive daughter…no no no…Kagome uses it. She opens those packets of ramen and—oil! Taking out a bowl from her back (careful not to disturb her head) and a ramen packet, I found the nearest rock and began crushing the leaves into mush. Once they were paste-like I added the oil. There…now I just have to smear this...on her stomach. Cupping enough in my hands I spread it liberally over her gash, trying not to notice how her stomach contracted painfully to the antiseptic. I then tied her ripped kimono over her wound carefully and then applied the rest of the concoction I made to her other superficial wounds. As I was smearing some bletilla on a head gash that looked worse than it really was, her eyes fluttered open. Trying to focus on something, she groaned again and then looked at me as I paused my care.

"Mir—Miroku?"

"Kagome-sama, don't talk right now. Let me finish putting this on your head and then I'll get you some water."

"What happened?" I suppressed a laugh. I was just so happy she was awake and talking that I wanted to hug her. Well, grope her, really, but it's all the same in I-get-to-touch-a-woman land.

"You ran into a particularly nasty youkai. Here, tilt your head a bit so I can get this gash on your neck." She complied and once more, for the umpteenth time, groaned. It was beginning to make me a little…ahem.

"I feel like how Inuyasha must feel when I sit him. And what the heck are you putting on me?"

"Oh, it's just some bletilla mixed with oil. It has antiseptic and blood-clotting properties," I answered nonchalantly.

"How…how did you know…?"

"I learned it from—" and I had to hide my blush. I didn't mean to tell her so much. I was the perverted monk who is going to die soon, right? Not someone who has knowledge of medicinal herbs, certainly. "It was nothing, Kagome. Do not think on it."

"No, Miroku it was something. Don't play humble. You have quite possibly saved my life."

"No, Kagome. Inuyasha, Kirara and Sango saved you from the youkai. I did nothi—I did nothing that any one of them couldn't have done themselves." Wincing slightly she raised her hand and stroked my cheek gently. It was strange to see her comforting me when she was the one who was injured. Her fingers lightly brushed my hair falling in my face. I hadn't noticed until now that my hair had somehow broken free of its usual binding. Drawing calm from her warm hands, I stared into her eyes.

"No, you did something that only Miroku could do. And I thank you for it." She brought her hand to rest on top of my hand. I couldn't help but take her small hand in mine and stroke it with my rough fingers, enjoying the feel of someone touching me freely for once. It seemed as if I was the plague, in our little group, no one touching or getting too near me. Sure, I perhaps furthered their behavior and yet now it seemed a little hurtful that these gentle caresses and friendly touches were lost on me because I was deemed too perverted. And what she said "something only Miroku could do." It warmed my heart as I smiled at her, unable to understand why her kindness felt so good to me. Had I really been deprived of these simple things for so long? How did I go so long without realizing that perhaps all I needed was human contact? I know I say I don't like having company, but isn't it something we all need anyways? I felt like something had shifted and I wanted to explain to her how I felt, tell her my feelings—for the first time I wanted to share something about myself…to her. For the first time, I wanted her to know and understand me. For the first time, I was ready to allow her to perhaps glimpse at the real me.

"Kagome, I—"

"Oy, Kagome, are you okay?" Inuyasha shouted as he ran into the clearing by the well. Glancing at our clasped hands, I quickly withdrew and looked away, hoping that he wouldn't comment. "What is that green stuff?"

"I'm fine, Inuyasha. But I really need to rest and heal for a couple days at home. Could you…?"

"Bitch, I'm not your horse." He grunted, but dipped to pick her up anyways. He gave me a meaningful look which meant we would "discuss" the hand holding later and throwing her yellow backpack over his shoulder he jumped into the well. Yet before she left, Kagome gave me one last look as she disappeared over the lip of the well.

When she glanced back and smiled at me, I couldn't help thinking that even though I'd lost a bit of the mystery that is the fabulous and dark Miroku, she had seen a bit of me that no one has ever seen before. And anyways, that part of me that was lost was damn glad to be found. It's good to be back.