Annyeong ha seo, minna-san!! *droops head* It's been awhile...and I'm here with, er..brand new one-shot?
But I hope you will like it. n_n
Standard disclaimer applied.
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Fuuko's POV
It's been another cold, windy afternoon on a day in November.
I've been treading on a busy street; most people were heading home just like me. The train station was just a couple of walks away from my work. This was the normal routine for me.
I'm pretty much sure that in my age of 29, a time for which young adults like myself allow themselves to explore the world, like a butterfly ready to metamorphose. To some it would mean meeting various adventures, others to find the purpose in their life and to some it would probably mean facing adversities and challenges that come their way but I wasn't thinking of that. Somehow, I felt like I'm missing something – something that I've already passed by unnoticed, creating an indescribable chasm in my heart.
Perhaps, it has something to do with my past.
I met my first love back in my junior year in college. I was taking up Biology back then. It was really ironic that when I first laid my eyes on him, a tiny chip of dislike ran through my veins. I was alone in the secluded part of the library, finishing my paper work when a tall, silver-haired student asked for an empty seat beside me, to which I was reluctant to allow him. But for some strange reason, I gave him the seat.
He was probably that popular Political Science major student, whom almost all of the female population in the university regarded him as Adonis in the flesh. Mind you, in my three long years in studying, I haven't thrown a single glance on this particular male specie. Many would have asked in where in the world am I that I haven't once run across him. Looking at his countenance through my veiled lashes, he was definitely handsome and mysterious and I think that it's all that I would ever get.
I tried to break the ice when I offered him some of my cookies but his face drew a stern (or more appropriately irked) expression. In his serious voice, he scolded me that eating inside the library is not allowed. I swear I could've rolled my eyes with that kill-joy speech. Then suddenly, a faint smile crossed his face and reach for the cookies. Thus, an unlikely friendship was born.
The friendship we fostered was like what normal people would have. Although on the outside we were totally the opposites of each other – him, on his brooding, intellectual nature; me on my loud, enthusiastic attitude, we happened to share some same interests. Some of it would include watching suspense thriller movies and t.v. series, eating blueberry cheesecake and slurping vanilla ice-cream almost every chance we've got. Apart from walking me home, he was helpful with me in matters regarding school - he was keen to let me learn on my own though he wouldn't let himself answer my home work. I was grateful that even when I am at my worst, like I always badger him with non-sense, he was patient with me.
Being friends with him is like finding a Galleon on a stack of hay.
My friends would used to tease us because of what we have become. They thought we would make a very funny pair. They commented that they're feeling certain sparks flying between us. However, we would just shrug it off, knowing that there wasn't a truth in it. However, inside me, I believed, fueled a romance hoping to blossom.
I don't remember exactly how or when did he finally occupied a piece of my heart, a space in my mind. With that, I mean he was already more than a friend to me. It just happened that he managed to swim in my sea of though 24/7. Every single day I looked forward to spend my time with him and basking myself in his presence meant I could hum a happy tune without me noticing it. To resist him is futile, feeble, and lame.
I should have not misconstrued all of his tiny, sweet gestures to me. Even as things went smoothly for our friendship, he drifted away when he sensed that I was beginning to fall for him. Although in that brief time that he wasn't talking to me, as we repaired that crevice in that aspect of our relationship, I have this feeling those things were never the same as before.
During that Yuletide season on my junior year, I finally gathered my courage and confessed to him. We decided to have a nighttime stroll right after we left the Christmas party held by my best friends. Snowflakes started to fall and the ground was covered with thick white materials.
Soon we stopped by the lamp-post at the nearby deserted park.
"Mi-chan, I have something to tell you," I said to him through my chattering teeth as I stood beside the lamp-post.
His eyebrow rose in askance, wheeling around to face me. His silver mane glittered softly against the dimness of the place.
Taking a mouthful of breath, I muttered helplessly, "I think I have fallen for you."
He stood there in silence, not saying anything though I noticed his azure eyes had became more solemn more than its usual. I held my breath. My pulse quivered as the muscles in body became tensed.
Finally, he spoke. "I'm sorry. I only like you as a friend."
He left me alone.
And to make matters worse, the wounds in my heart were in the process of being soaked and chilled of snow and drafts.
I have taken precautions, warnings, for my heart not to be reckless. Instead, I was foolish enough to declare my benevolence.
Lessons in life should be learned the hard way. Perhaps, from the recesses of my heart, I knew that he hasn't had an inch of romantic feelings towards me. I was hurt, yes, but it seems that I'd like to numb the pain, to become utterly devoid of misery.
I confronted my life- as how I know it should be. January came, classes resumed, our façade that something never occurred during Yuletide continued. I was one of his ordinary friends; he was still special to me. Sometimes, there's this poisonous thought in me, commanding me to hate him when he's trying to wield me again with his sweet gestures.
But I guess I will forever cherish those moments with him as we traipsed back home on gray, windy days.
He was my senior, therefore he graduated before me and I've never heard anything from him since then. There were times that my heart truly ached for him, sorely missing his presence. I could have held his hands when we're walking, kissed him even just on his cheeks as we said goodnight, and caressed his face to remind him how much he means to me but there wasn't a chance to do. I've missed it. My cowardice serves me right.
Graduation day came, I swore to myself that I'll erased those feelings for him considering that I wouldn't be able to see him anymore, that I'll never set my eyes on him, thus a chance of saying a real goodbye. When the ceremony was finished, as most of the graduates were busy congratulating one another, hugging goodbyes, exchanging well-wishes, someone approached me.
"Excuse me, miss, are you Fuuko Kirisawa?" a guy in blue uniform asked me.
I nodded at once.
"Someone sent you a bouquet of flower. From ---," he said.
So, I picked the bouquet of red roses from him, after signing the delivery paper. Its delicate fragrance wafted in my nostrils. I opened the little card attached to it. It said:
We just don't belong in the same spectrum. I'm sorry.
Again, I struggled not to lose my balance as my knees felt unbelievably wobbly. Teardrops softly cascaded on my cheeks. I was undoubtedly heart-broken once again.
I reached the train station in no time. As I waited for my carriage to arrive, I saw the train from the opposite track pulled in. What if my soul mate was on the next train? I suddenly began to wonder. How does he look like? Is he sweet and thoughtful? Is he kind and romantic? Before the train to my destination pulled along, the other train already left. I stepped inside the carriage.
Right, I have to wait for my soul mate; we're going to the same destination. But just like the train on the opposite track pulling away, was my one true love, though we have met half-way, he was bound to leave just as scheduled.
...
There you have it! So what do you think? I wasn't sure myself when I'm writing this so you're free to try me with a gun or blade. *wails* Please don't forget to review though...xD
