Disclaimer: I don't own Joker/Clover/Heart no kuni no Alice, if I did I wouldn't be so frustrated over the fact that I can't understand the whole plot.

The Girl Who Died A Thousand Times

O.

Nightmares are like snakes, they embrace you, coils around you, until the two become one, until you aren't you and it isn't a nightmare anymore.

(Sleep tight Child or you will get lost)

I.

She doesn't remember when it first happened, only that at a certain point she became afraid of sleeping.

(Dying is similar to sleeping in the end, maybe it is even too similar)

II.

It is morning.

She fears the time and can't help but look at the clock every five minutes. The hands of the clock move too fast, spiraling out of control. Time takes another meaning as she feels it passing like sand between her fingers and even if she knows that she won't be able to stop it she continues to try.

Her trembling hands still those of the clock and turning her head away she deludes herself into thinking that she succeeded in doing the impossible.

People don't notice and those that do push the matter aside as unimportant.

(They only watch, never actually see and maybe there is where her misery begins)

III.

It is night, she wakes up, limbs flying and eyes wide.

She can't breathe and maybe that is the rightest thing in all the world because she was sure to be dead. But then she forces her constricted lungs to work again.

The first rush of air feels like a punch in the stomach.

(She happily welcomes the pain hoping to never sleep again)

IV.

She is watching a movie with her sister, it is about a girl that dies but since she wouldn't believe it was fated to revive it again and again.

It is Lorina who breaks the silence first and starts to comment the movie, "That poor girl had it really rough, I think that I would have gone mad if I were her!"

"Yeah, I would have too", Alice laughs and all seems normal, even nice somehow.

(But her laugh is a little overly high pitched and her smile a bit too large)

V.

She has come to accept the pain as a part of life, she no longer struggles against the dreams but simply flows with them.

That night she finds herself in a dark room, in front of her is the woman dressed in white that as usual looks into her eyes, smiles and whisper "Welcomes".

Blood stains another time the beautiful white dress, in a hand the knife rests like a satisfied beast that has placed its head down for the moment.

Red patterns are forming around a body that is slowly growing cold, the almost looks like ancient runes and dancing figures. Enchanting in their crude nature.

Alice closes her glassy eyes for another last time and awakes.

(She doesn't want to see the face that speaks of unfair truths, it is always there, watching the world from the darkness.

"She knowns", her mind says, but there is no need for words in that place to acknowledge something. Thoughts are spheres of light travelling at an impossible velocity, being created and exploding in a loop, time doesn't exist and never will.

She doesn't know yet but is starting to understand)

VI.

The birds are chirping outside and as Alice looks her face in the mirror after having washed away the sweat of the night, what she sees are sickly pale skin and haunted eyes.

She fears but doesn't remember and maybe that is what is destroying her most.

(Only those who are dead can remember what in death happens)

VII.

Dainty pale fingers intertwine gently (almost lovingly really) in her hair, and sweet words are floating in the air (they are so sweet that she can almost taste rotten dreams with the tip of her tongue).

She smells sunflowers which is strange since they are near a pond, as her head is slowly put underwater and her lungs scream for oxygen, the smell is still trapped in her nostrils. It won't go away.

Before falling asleep she has a glimpse of a pitch black sky dotted by white stars that taunt her with their brightness.

(If Destruction had a smell she is sure it would be of sunflowers)

VIII.

Lorina starts to look at her with worry in her eyes and even if she asked it only one time, the question hangs in the air like a weight that doesn't let her thoughts stray from the white dressed lady.

"Are you alright Alice?"

Others start to notice too and realization hits her like an airplane in a free fall at the pace of 100 km/s.

It is too late.

(Maybe it has been so from the very beginning but there is no reason to dwell on it.

She accepts and gives in)

IX.

This time it is a dagger and she is happy as the 'blade' pierces through her heart, she knows that it is right.

As she looks into acqua green eyes the scent of sunflowers is overpowering.

The Veil is removed and they both know.

(She is amongst the stars now and her sleep is deep enough to reassure her of never waking up.

The 'dream' shatters.

She is free)

(O.O)

Hello beloved readers!

I have written another crappy story that is pretty difficult to understand too, I was trying a new method of writing and I leave the judgment of how it came out to you.

I thank profusely all those who will review (reading reviews from you guys and knowing that someone actually spent a bit of their time in reading what I wrote makes me all fuzzy and warm inside X"D, I know, I have to stop being so mushy but I just can't help it!).

Unfortunately I won't be able to answer back, sorry… ;_;

This story is about how Alice feels like there is a veil that distances her from the world but buries everything at the bottom of her mind and acts like everyone else.

People don't care to really see her and so the subconscious starts to materialize in her dreams as a mirror image of her to show her the truth.

I won't explain what the last parts means (there are three different outcomes that the last lines could mean and I want to leave at you the choice of what believing).

What I can say is that Alice's Deaths aren't literal but have a much deeper meaning and that in VII I didn't make a mistake in writing "falling asleep".

Good Day to you! *Hearts and Sparkles*

AN= A special 'thank you' for Dazzy Dizzie and Elise the Writing Desk for still being able to stand my personality! Really, I didn't think that you would have been able to put up with me for so long, it is quite amazing. O.O You are amazing! ^_^