Chapter 1
'They just don't understand!' a very frustrated Harry thinks as he storms out of the Gryffindor common room. 'Though I guess it is partly my fault since I won't explain fully. They definitely wouldn't understand if I did that!'
He just had another row with Ron and Hermione about Malfoy's strange behavior and constant use of the Room of Requirement. 'I just want their help trying to figure out what Malfoy is up to. It's not really that much to ask!'
-"Mate, I hate the slimy git as much as the next bloke, but you need to let it go."
-"Ron's right, Harry, you've been obsessed with Malfoy all year and I'm really starting to worry about you. Malfoy hasn't even been tormenting us nearly as much as he did in the past. Can't you leave the animosity in the past as well?
Harry groaned. 'They just don't get it. I don't hate him. I haven't hated him for months! Not since the last time I ran into Moaning Myrtle!'
He had gone into a rarely used bathroom on the sixth floor to find Moaning Myrtle floating above the toilet tank of the first stall, looking rather disappointed to see that it was Harry. "Merlin Myrtle! Give a guy a fright! What are you doing in here?"
"Waiting."
"Waiting? In the boys loo? Waiting for what?"
"I was hoping he would come back today. I haven't seen him for weeks, though I should know better than to trust a boy. You haven't come to see me in forever, Harry."
"Well…umm…I've…er…been busy," he finished lamely. "Anyway, who's this boy and why does he come to see you?"
Myrtle's translucent eyes lit up, "Ooh Harry are you jealous? Don't worry, you're still my favorite but he needs me. He lets me hold him and pet him while he cries and tells me his troubles. You ought not be so mean to him, Harry" she finished sternly.
"How can you hold him if you don't have ar…wait did you just say there was a boy in here crying? Who? And I'm not mean to anyone!"
"Yes you are and Draco is such a kind and sweet boy who doesn't have much control over is life and can't do what's right because he's trying to protect his family and you're not helping with the insults and hexing him and putting his father in prison. It wouldn't kill you to be a little nicer to him, though if it did you're still welcome to share my toilet…"
Harry wasn't even paying attention anymore. In fact, he'd been standing there gaping at her since the word "Draco" left her mouth, only taking in bits and pieces of her ranting, as she floated back and forth in the stall. Finally she trails off as she catches sight of Harry standing there staring at her with wide eyes and his mouth hanging open. She gazed back at him expecting him to speak, but when he continued to stare, she snapped out "What?" There were a million questions running through his head, but the only thing he managed to get out was, "You've got to be kidding me!"
Harry had seen Myrtle in a lot of moods before, but he had never seen her quite so livid. She positively vibrated in anger, shrieked, "HOW DARE YOU!" and flew back into the toilet, soaking him from the knees down. He had just stood there staring at the toilet trying to figure out what in Merlin's name had just happened.
'They'd commit me to St. Mungo's if they knew what I really think about Malfoy,' he thought.
He'd spent the next couple days following the incident in the bathroom trying to match what Moaning Myrtle said about Malfoy with the Malfoy he had known for the last five and a half years, and it wasn't adding up, so he resolved to watch Malfoy even more closely. The things Myrtle said struck a chord with him even if he didn't quite believe it. 'If anyone knows what it felt like to not have control over their own life it's the bloody Boy-Who-Lived,' Harry thought bitterly. 'Even Snape's been trying to control Malfoy,' thinking back to what he'd witnessed at Slughorn's Christmas party.
'Could he really be that upset over whatever it is he's doing? He seemed pretty smug about it on the train. Though if he really doesn't want to be doing it, he'd at least have to act that way to survive. Could he really care that much about hurting Katie and Ron that he would cry to Moaning Myrtle? I doubt it. But then I still can't picture Malfoy crying.'
Over the next several weeks he spent every bit of his free time watching Malfoy, trying to keep an open mind and not let old prejudices get in the way. He noticed that Malfoy wasn't eating much and skipped several meals all together. There were dark circles under his eyes and an air of weariness around him, suggestion he had not been sleeping enough. He was rarely in the company of the other sixth year Slytherins, which Harry didn't know what to make of. He was quieter and more withdrawn to the point that he hadn't called Hermione a 'Mudblood' since before Christmas or picked a fight with Harry in months. He had even stopped taking the time to style his hair, and while it was a bit duller than usual, he looked quite a bit more attractive with his hair loose around his face rather than all slicked back. All in all, Malfoy didn't seem very happy. 'Maybe Hermione is right about me and I do have a saving people thing, because I never thought I would be sympathetic to Malfoy of all people.'
The most significant side effect of studying Malfoy so intently for so long was that Harry began to see him as an actual human being, a person who could probably use his help but would only hex him if he ever offered it. The other side effect of watching him was that Harry could no longer deny that he was incredibly attracted to Malfoy. Of course, he denied it at first. He liked Ginny and everyone expected them to get together. But after the first (and only) aborted attempt at intimacy, where everything just felt wrong, he could no longer deny it. Ginny took it surprisingly well and even kept his secret for him. This revelation unfortunately led to Harry watching Malfoy for a completely different reason, the i-really-want-to-slam-him-against-a-wall-and-shag-him-til-he-can't-walk-straight-for-a-week kind of reason. The fantasies were very distracting and made him pay even less attention in class.
Harry slowly started to believe what Moaning Myrtle told him about Malfoy, especially after he missed that game. There was no way Malfoy would give up something he loved as much as Quidditch, unless he was desperate about whatever mission he was working on. This is when Harry really started to worry because if Malfoy really didn't have a choice and was trying to protect his family, there was no telling what else he would do. If Harry's loved ones were on danger, he would do whatever it took to keep them safe. Thinking along these lines, Harry became desperate to figure out what Malfoy was up to, to hopefully help him before anyone else got hurt. Harry couldn't very well go up to Malfoy and ask, "So what nefarious plot are you up to this year, because I'd really like to help you, especially if old Moldyshorts is using your family as leverage against you?" Harry had even gotten Dobby and Kreacher to help him try and find out, but they weren't really a lot of help. Which is what led Harry, once again, to asking Ron and Hermione for help, their argument, and him currently wandering the corridors angry and frustrated.
Harry had never told his friends about the scene with Moaning Myrtle, the conclusions he had gotten from it, or his subsequent change of heart about the blond Slytherin. It might help them understand why he's so obsessed with finding out what Malfoy is up to, but it seem like an invasion of Malfoy's privacy, too personal to tell more people. And it would be rather difficult telling them that he wanted to help Malfoy without telling them that he also wanted to hold the blond and tell him everything would be ok. That's not exactly the way he imagined telling his friends that he's gay. Telling them he's gay is one thing that they would, at least eventually, be ok with, but adding the 'I really like Malfoy' on top ot it is something he's not sure they could handle.
When Harry looked around and realized he was on the sixth floor, he decided to stop by the bathroom to see if Moaning Myrtle was hanging around again. He had been trying to find her to apologize and maybe ever get her to talk more about Malfoy. He had even been to the girls bathroom on the second floor a few times, but if she had been in there she hadn't left the u bend to talk to him. Harry stopped outside the door, hearing someone talking inside. He opened the door enough to see inside and was completely gobsmacked to see Moaning Myrtle floating above the sink, crooning to a sobbing Draco Malfoy, "shh…shh..it'll be okay tell me what's wrong. I'll help you."
"No one can help me," said Malfoy. His whole body was shaking. "I can't do it…I can't…it won't work and unless I do it soon he says he'll kill me…" Malfoy gasped and gulped and then, with a great shudder, looked up into the cracked mirror and saw Harry staring at him over his shoulder. Malfoy wheeled around and drew his wand.
Harry, having been rooted to the spot in shock, only had a couple seconds to decide what to do. He really didn't want to fight with Malfoy anymore, so rather than draw his own wand, hhe leapt aside as Malfoy's hex flew past his ear. "Stop! Malfoy please! I don't want to fight!" As a purple jet of light hit headed towards him, Harry stumbled to the left and forward, barely dodging the spell. "Please! I just want to help you!" Harry dodged a Full Body Bind and a Stunner, each time coming closer to the frustrated and scared looking blond.
"NO! NO! STOP IT!" squealed Moaning Myrtle, her voice echoing loudly around the tiled room.
Harry was becoming desperate to stop the fight before either of them got hurt, so he decided to stop Malfoy the only way he could think of at the moment. Repeating, "Please I wanna help" he stepped across the last of the space separating him from the blond and as Malfoy shouted "Cruc-" Harry grabbed his wrist, pushing his wand away, leaned forward and silenced the Slytherin with his lips. At first neither of them moved, but then harry put his other arm around the blonds waist and pulled him flush against him. Harry slowly started to move his lips trying to get a response form the frozen Slytherin in his arms. He nibbled on Malfoy's lower lip, then soothed it with his tongue. He gently sucked on Malfoys upper lip and whimpered "please" but at this point Harry wasn't really sure what he was asking for. The quiet whimper was enough to startle Malfoy out of his stupor. He shoved away from Harry, eyes wide and confused, ran past Harry to the door, and fled the bathroom.
