No, really. What IS Hiei?
A fic thingy by: Duo
Disclaimer: I do not own Yu Yu Hakusho or any of the characters mentioned in this fanfic. Or Gundam Wing. Though they are only briefly mentioned. Feh.
Quick a/n: I wrote this fic in this format because: (a) I'm lazy and (b) it's just plain fun.
-Camera shot moving in on scary, ominous building thing-
Voice: Today, we have been invited to the BWARBEN (Building With A Really Big Eccentric Name) Science study place thing to observe people doing stuff!
Audience?: Oooooooo, ahhhhhh, special.
-camera person is now inside BWARBEN science study place thing-
Scientist: -walks up, twitching nervously- Uhm...3r...j0!
Voice: j0? Cameraperson, what is he trying to say?
Camera person: -is apparently mute and/or dead, therefore does not answer-
Scientist: \/\/h4t 4r3 j00 t41k!ng 4b00t?
Voice: MY GODS! He's speaking l33t!....wait a minute, isn't that used in MegaTokyo? SOMEONE CHECK THE COPYRIGHT!
Scientist: -g!ggl3-
Voice: O.O He even GIGGLES in l33t!
Scientist2: Sorry about that, Ferdinand's brain appears to have been eaten a while ago, apparently by the lab rats and monkeys. I shall be your guide from now on. Call me...Harden Long. Or Scientist of the gods.
Voice: Tehe
Scientist 2: What? What is it?
Voice: Nothing. Continue, please!
Ferdinand: -skips away whistling "Special Fred"-
Scientist: Alright. This way, please!
-the camera shot follows the scientist down a long and twisty path, and they arrive in a small white room-
Scientist: This is the observing room..thinger. Lookit! Seeee? We have two-way mirrors and EVERYTHING!
-camera shot moves closer to 2-way mirror, and through it you can see a bright...pink...room O.o; with a small person inside, seemingly unconscious-
Scientist: That -points to person- Is our test subject!
Voice: What are you testing, exactly?
Scientist:.......-blinks-.......
Camera man: -decomposes slowly-
Scientist: Oh, RIGHT! Well see, no one actually knows WHAT he is. I mean, SURE, they SAY he's a fire demon capable of destroying the whole world easily, but where's the proof?!
-camera shot pans over to a large pile of bodies near the door to the pink room-
Scientist: Er, well, you see....He strangled them with their stethoscopes before we were able to subdue him, but they should be fine soon. -twitches-
-camera shot zooms in on a puddle of blood slowly growing on the floor-
Scientist: Moving right along....we shall now begin testing! Safety goggles on!
-sequined heart-shaped sunglasses fall from the ceiling-
Voice:.....Seriously, what the fuck?
Scientist: -_- This is the only thing I find amusing anymore. NOW PUT THEM ON! See, look at your camera man! He's being a real sport!
Camera Man: -decomposes some more, as glasses sit on his face-
Voice: You put them there.
Scientist: DID not!
Voice: -_-;;; Let's get on with this
Scientist: I WIN! Alright!
Voice: -coughs-
Scientist: First test: Throw pointy stuff at it!
Voice: EXCUSE me? What the hell kinda test is that?
Scientist: A very scientificcy scientific like one that you in a million years will never figure out because you're not a scientist like me! Now sit down and shut up!
Camera Man: -rots-
Voice: Alright, alright.
-A big cannony thing pops out of the wall in the pink room, and starts shooting mechanical pencils at the figure-
Figure: -is hit with a pencil- INJUSTICE! WHAT SCOURGE IS THIS?
Camera Man: -spooky dead-and-rotting voice- Bewaaaaare....yoooooo haaarve awarkenedededed the Hiiiiiiieiiiii monster!
Scientist and Voice: -edge away-
Camera Man: -goes back to rotting quietly-
Voice: Riiiiight....so now..OH MY GODS WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?! -points at 2-way mirror-
Scientist: -_- I told you already that's- OH LORD!
-camera shot pans to window where Hiei is glaring angrily-
Voice: I THOUGHT YOU SAID THIS WAS A TWO WAY MIRROR?!
Scientist: THAT'S WHAT THE CANADIAN MAN SAID!
Voice: YOU FOOL! YOU SHOULDN'T TRUST CANADIANS!* They say ABOOT for the god's sakes!
Hiei: -keeps glaring, pencils sticking out of his head- Let...me...OUT.
Scientist: IT SPEAKS! I tremble!
Voice: AIA!!! KILL IT!!
Scientist: TEST TWO! THROW FLUFFY STUFF AT IT WHILE PLAYING THE TELETUBBIES THEME SONG!
-teddy bears fall from ceiling, song plays-
Hiei: -eyes widen, and he backs away from the window- THE CUTENESS! It is too much! My brain! IT BURNS!!! AIIIIIIIIIIIA!!! -runs around wildly, waving his arms and screaming-
Scientist: IT WORKS! And from this test, we have concluded, the subject is blatantly male!
Voice: O.o I could have told you that
Scientist: HUSH AND BE STILL! You have no knowledge of such things! You are a mere reporter dude, whilst I am a SCIENTISTY GUY!
Voice: oooookies.
-THUMP-
Scientist and Voice: -hug each other and shriek-
Voice: HE'S ALIVE!!!
Hiei: -is somehow glomped onto the window, glaring furiously with a demented grin on his face, shreds of teddy bears and cuddle wombats stuck to his teeth- I'm baaaack!
Both: SHRIEK!
Scientist: This is worse than I thought! I must cease the experiments and bring in the one thing that can destroy any man!
-pause-
Voice:......which would be....?
Scientist: I'M TRYING TO BE DRAMATIC!
-window cracks-
Scientist: AUGH! Screw dramatics! RELEASE THE RELENA!!!! -slams fist onto button marked: "Danger, release at own risk! Creature is known to have turned straight men gay with just one look!"-
Voice: GASP! Are you sure?
Scientist: It is the only way! Now, aren't you glad you have the sunglasses on?
Voice: Yes! oh gods, yes! They obscure the view!
Camera Man: -is still dead, still rotting-
-camera shot moves to show the pink room once more, shows Relena entering-
Relena: HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERO! WHERE ARE YOUUUUU?! COME KIIIIILL MEEEEEEEEE!!!
Hiei: O.O! IT'S....IT'S.....HIDEOUS! -starts to claw his own eyes out-
Relena: -spots the Hiei- Oooooh, he's cuuuuuuuuuuute! Heero will never know! -bounces over-
Hiei: GET IT AWAAAAAAAAAY!! MOMMMEEEE!!! .
Relena: Hey, WOW! How lucky am I! Another violent, possibly abusive man to try and seduce by squealing loudly and giving him many opportunities to kill me! What fun!
Hiei: No, stay away!
Relena: -glomps him-
Voice: -shudders- That poor, poor demon!
Scientist: Well, we actually don't know WHAT he i-...
Voice: -death glare-
Scientist: Demon, right. Yes. All we can do now though, is hope. . -crosses fingers-
Hiei: THERE'S A RELENA ON ME!! GET IT OFF GETITOFFGETITOFF!!! -runs around in chibi form, flailing arms-
Relena: BUT YOU LOOOOOVE ME!!!!
Hiei: -not-so-spontaneously-spontaneously-combusts-
Relena: MY UGLY DRESS IS ON FIRE!
Hiei: MUAHAHA!
Relena: . IT HURTS AND STINGS! -explodes for no apparent reason-
Hiei: VICTORY! -punches fist in air then falls-
Voice: He killed it!
Scientist: Yaysies! ^-^
Voice: Yaysies?
Camera Man: -rots in a way that could be taken as laughing-
Scientist: Shut up -_-
Hiei: -starts to twitch-
Scientist and Voice: GADZOOKS! O.O
Voice: Holy pigshit, batman! We must go!
Scientist: I shall distract him! -punches button that says "Release the fox! Warning: BISHOUNEN"-
Scientist and Voice: WE FLEE!
Camera Man: -rots-
-camera shot is still there for some reason, and is now showing Hiei, twitching-
Hiei: X.x mrph!
Kurama: -falls out of the ceiling and lands on Hiei-
Hiei: AIA! I DIE!
Kurama: ^-^ FWEH!
-BWARBEN science study place thinger Self Destruct mode activates for no reason-
Kurama: O.O! We will surely perish unless we escape! Come, midget man! WE FLEE! -grabs Hiei's ankle and runs for the window that mysteriously appears in the wall of the pink room-
Hiei: -bounces against the ground-
Kurama: I, AS AN EDUCATOR, SAY: LET'S LIMBO! -jumps through the window- BURN RUBBER, DUO-DIAH! We run! -jumps in a car driven by the Gundam pilots, and they drive away into the sunset-
************
*: My cousin's Canadian. And we can all tell you, yes they are scary, and often dangerous. They CAN be cool though. Like, when they save you from being attacked by a moose.
A/N: o.o......-shrugs- I dunno either. _
