7-11 Gundam Wing

By Luna's R. Twysted and her alter-ego and partner in crime, Luna Stop Swearing, and her sister, Luna Antonio whew

Disclaimer: If I owned Gundam Wing, there'd be a little more color- blindness, Trowa/Dorothy, and cross-dressing.

Warnings: Pure stupidity, I guess. The game, actually, is FIND THE POINT OF THIS STORY!!! Get ready for a longer author's note.

A/N: Eh.I removed this story and separated it into around 40 chapters because it was too damned long. THEN, Fanfiction.Net removed it AGAIN because I just HAPPENED to mention the word SHIT in my summary. Fuck. Anyway, here. A shorter, less time-consuming version. C&C. Feed the ego. You know you want to.

Chapter 1: Of the Magical Mystery of Boogers and Freezers

It was a normal, humid day in the little AU. It was a normal 7-11: it stayed open 24 hours a day and smelled like plastic, tasteless fast food, and medicine. And it had normal customers. Well, maybe there was an exception to today.

"Noin," Hilde Schbeiker mumbled, nudging Lucrezia Noin, "Tell me again why we do our grocery shopping with the guys."

Noin smiled ruefully and shrugged, reaching for several econo-size pack of chili-barbeque Doritos, everyone's favorite accompaniment to beer. "Haven't the faintest clue, Hilde. We always tell them off but somehow they always come along."

"I mean," Hilde babbled on, "WE do all the work, so why do they have to come along when they just stand around the fast food counter and do absolutely nothing? Man, it's driving me up the wall!"

Speaking of walls, Noin glanced up at the ceiling, seeing only nothing but cheap rotting plaster ready to fall off any minute. No help would come from there, she thought.

"I must be nuts," Noin told herself. "I'm looking for help. In a CEILING, for Chrissake!"

Sally Po came along behind them, looking disheveled and annoyed. She sighed. "Testosterone is such a mystery. I just succeeded in getting Duo to stop sucking the Slurp machine hose."

Hilde and Noin mock-applauded her. Sally bowed.

"Usually it takes three of us to do that," Lady Une said, delicately removing an econo-size tin of curry off the shelf.

"Shopping with the guys is always a new adventure," Iria Winner pointed out.

Meanwhile, the pilots were leaning against the counter of the 7-11 fast- food section, watching their insignificant others doing their shopping for them.

The clerk in charge of the fast-food section (who looked unbelievingly like Sailor Moon, maybe because she really WAS Sailor Moon) was quickly getting very irritated with all of them. Especially Duo.

Speaking of Duo, our very own Shinigami wiped his mouth clean of Coke Slurp on his black priest's shirt.

"Aaahhhh," he exhaled. "Nothing like a good Coke Slurp to waken up those brain cells!" he exclaimed enthusiastically.

Heero ignored him. It was embarrassing enough to know someone who didn't give a shit about his pride and dignity, but to be in public with him, ugh! He grimaced at the thought of it, and realized that what he was thinking was a reality.

He stretched, and a sharp, searing pain like lightning rocked Duo's brain. He smacked his head and held it between his knees. "OWW!" he whimpered. "Brain freeze."

"Serves you right," Heero murmured, toying with the barrel of his gun, a Walther P68, just like Napoleon Solo from the Man from U.N.C.L.E. (A/N: I forget if that is the gun.Neat gun, anyways)

"Trowa." Quatre Raberba-Winner whispered, nudging the tall, lanky pilot of Heavyarms.

"Hn?" Trowa Barton said, acknowledging Quatre.

"Aiee.Wanna go get some." Quatre thought for a moment. All he wanted to do was avoid the oncoming bloodshed that was sure to ensue in a matter of time, give or take a few minutes. Then he named the first thing that came to his head. "Disposable diapers?"

"Wha?" Trowa sputtered.

Quatre SO regretted what had just come out of his mouth. And he was going to really be sorry for what he was about to say next. He turned a deep crimson. He rubbed an imaginary bump at the back of his neck. "Well, you KNOW how I'm ALWAYS wetting the bed and all, so I thought that well, since YOU don't like your sheets wet, and I don't like my sheets wet, that I'd, ah, get some disposable diapers. That's all."

Trowa stared wide-eyed at Quatre, who was visibly murmuring something very inaudible to himself, and started pacing back and forth from the frozen food section to the aisle dedicated to health food.

"Don't you want to get your disposable diapers.um, Quatre?" he asked delicately.

A flurry of Arabic and Latin came shooting out of the blonde Arabian's mouth. Being of Latin origin himself, Trowa knew and was fluent in his native tongue, though he didn't use it often. He caught the word 'muerta,' or death. He made a mental note to keep all artillery and cutlery out of his friend's reach.

Wufei Chang snorted as he crumpled his seventh hotdog wrapper and tossed it behind his back into the garbage can. "You are disgusting, Maxwell. The very epitome of disgusting."

Quatre was now back to normal (A/N: What IS normal, anyway?) and he leaned over and whispered to Trowa: "Enlighten me, Trowa. Did that sentence make any sense at all?"

Trowa raised an eyebrow. "The first one did."

"I thought so," Quatre murmured smugly, folding his arms across his chest.

Heero Yuy had remained silent, giving everyone in sight a taste of his infamous death glare.

"That's the pot calling the kettle black, Chang Wufei!" Sally's voice drifted from the deodorant and foot powder aisle. "I saw you pick your nose yesterday!"

"Baka onna!" Wufei shouted. "I DID NO SUCH THING!" But by the color on Wufei's face, which was a mix of beet-red and purple, you could tell that he was really guilty.

Quatre looked sick, and Trowa immediately came to his aid with a paper bag. Quatre showed his appreciation by emptying his breakfast and lunch into the bag, while Trowa looked away, searching for a proper receptacle to hold his gastric juices, too.

Heero had at least stopped distributing his death glare to all the customers, who were all avoiding him as much as possible. Actually, they ran away from the store in sheer terror. He was now smirking at another Duo vs. Wufei match. Although once again disgusted because he remembered the fact that he was seen in public with Duo Maxwell, he immediately lightened at the fact that there was another chance to post the obituary he'd written a year and a half ago especially for him, when he found out that he had to live with Duo and everyone else. Especially Duo.

"AND HE GOT ONE THE SIZE OF A MUSHROOM!!!" Sally added after a moment, selecting a tube of roll-on deodorant that Wufei was partial to: Eau de Dumpster.

Quatre refused to look at Wufei, and Trowa could do nothing but smirk. Heero was finding the pockets of his pants very interesting, but Duo REALLY needed to milk the situation the best he could.

"SALLY!" Duo hollered in a singsong voice. "Did Wufei eat it?"

"AS A MATTER OF FACT, HE DID!" came the cheerful reply.

"Omae o korosu, weakling onna!" Wufei screamed. He drew his katana and climbed onto the counter, diving over a nearby shelf, crashing into the ramen noodle aisle. An assortment of ramen noodles came crashing down onto Gundam pilot 05.

At this point, all the 7-11 clerks, who looked amazingly like Sailor Chibi Moon and Sailor Moon (in cheesy 7-11 clerk outfits), locked themselves into the supply room. Luckily, there were no customers around to witness the event. They were all scared off by Heero.

"AIIEEEEE!" Wufei shouted. But he got back up, and charged at Sally.

"Oh my golly bananas," Dorothy whispered. "What's wrong with him, Sally?"

Sally's eyes grew round as saucers as Wufei came charging at her with his katana.

Luckily, Noin knew how to keep her head in battle. She scooped up the harried Preventer officer, and jumped up onto the rows of ice cream freezers.

"What are you doing?" Relena Peacecraft demanded, her braids swinging.

Iria looked skeptical. "That's not gonna work."

Lady Une and Noin swiftly deactivated the system that made the freezers all cold and icy, and opened a door.

"Get in!" She hissed, and all the women, without a second thought, jumped into the defrosted ice cream freezer and sealed it shut.

Catherine touched a gallon of triple-decker fudge mocha-avocado almond crunch road ripple.

"It's cold!" she complained, tucking her knees under her miniskirt.

Hilde rolled her eyes as she found a comfortable spot beside a stack of mango ice cream, also finding it extremely cold. She winced. "We've only defrosted it a few seconds ago."

Scrambling to find their own little nooks and crannies, they prayed to God that Wufei didn't get inside the freezer, or find ways to.

A/N: Pure nonsense. We are open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week (except on holidays) to comments and suggestions-Just like a REAL 7-11! ~@-@~ Until there, then. For suggestions, flames, rants, and raves, you guys can bug us at wyrdsistah@lycos.com (LRT), bangagtalaga@anime-genesis.com (LA) and anthropophagi@mindless.com (LSS), okay? Want a little yaoi, a little shoujo- ai, a little crossovering? This will get funnier, we swear!