Standard disclaimers apply.


Probably

It was one of these days when Addison would wake up early in the morning only to find herself all alone in the kingsize bed. Like every morning for the past few months she got up, made coffee and walked through her big empty house before she got dressed and head to work. Wait, no. Their house. Or so she thought. At least it was stated like that in the papers. Derek and Addison Shepherd. Still, she had begun to refer to the house as her house quite some time ago. She wondered when it had happened that they had become Derek Shepherd and Addison Shepherd. There had been a time when they had been inseparable bit this seemed so long ago now. Sometimes people even asked whether they were related. And sometimes it hurt. It used to be apparent to everyone that Derek and Addison were happily married. Where had that gone? What exactly made people think that they were just co-workers with the same last name?

Addison Shepherd. It had begun to feel strange to be Addison Shepherd. Was she even Addison Shepherd anymore? She maybe saw her husband twice a day when they met each other accidentally on the corridor. A short 'hey' and a peck was everything she could get from him nowadays. Where had the time gone when they couldn't keep their hands off each other? Had she done something wrong? It probably was her fault, she thought. Yes, he was working like nobody else, he didn't even come home sometimes but that was his job. He was a doctor, he had to save lives. And she didn't do anything different. She worked, too. But she still slept at home whereas Derek didn't. Every once in a while she noticed how he crawled into bed to her late at night but he never said something. He never thought about the possibility that she was waiting for him. Instead he came to bed and lay away from her as far as possible. And in the mornings he was gone before she opened her eyes. It had to be something she had done.

She thought about it all day but she had known the answer already in the morning. There hadn't been anything even close to affectionate between them since she had lost their baby. She knew it was her fault. If she hadn't worked all night she could've supported herself at the handrails when that young boy had pushed her out of his way. It had been the only time she had used the subway to get home. She and Derek had used to drive home together but on that day she had had an emergency C-section and Derek had already driven home. Well, nowadays she went to work by subway every day. Derek had the car. He didn't care how she got to work.

Yes, it must've been that day that had driven them so far apart. She had tried to get over it by working longer to try to distract herself and Derek had done the same. They hadn't talked. He hadn't made it to the hospital in time to be with her when her doctor had told her that there was no heartbeat. And from that moment on she had tried to hide from him. She was scared that he thought it was her fault. He probably did. She didn't want to bother him. After all she had let it come to this point.

She probably wasn't Addison Shepherd anymore.


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