A/N: I do not own Redwall, Mossflower, or any canon characters in any way, shape, or form. I do, unfortunately, own any OC you'll see. (sigh)


Swart Sixclaw the warlrd sat huddled at teh edge of a blakc lake, bemouning the loss of his beuatiufl wife, BLuefen. Shiviering and pulling his claok about his muscle-ly arms, Swarrt remembered howe warm she was whenever he woke up int eh middle of the night to see heer sleepign there her breath was so comforting...

The warlorda sniffed, and whped away at his eyes, wich were threatineing to spill tears, but they came any way, cascading down his handsomea face and steraking his war parint.

Bluefen...

Swartlooked up at the sky which was the blackst he'd aever seen, witha lot of brighitng shinging stars like diamonds and glittering, and thought heow they 'd look it the beautiful blue eyes of his deceased wife...

Swartt sniffed, adn saw a shooting star in teh sky, the only thing more radiatna would've been BLuefn then that stars...

Please bering BLuefe backa to me... Swartt wisehd at the star...

Sudednly he saw her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BLuefen! Shwe waws baack!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! There she was stood att eh edge of the lake glowing ing the moonlight liek some ehtereal moongoddess, her big hugek eyes bluer tthan sappphires wth the longests eyelshes and her sleek smoth glossy shiny fure golden-white as the sun. She was wearing a gortgoeus blue dresse with gold felcks and jewelsand looked very very pretty beautiful.

Swartt ajumped up and rushed over to her adn engulfed her slender form into hsi large, burly musuclar arms adn began ksising her passionately --

"AAAAAAAAACCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" screeched a voice.

Both Swartt and Bluefen broke away from each other in startlement and turned to see --

-- Bluefen.

Only she didn't look like the Bluefen standing besides Swartt, oh no, her eyes were a nice, normal shade of blue, and were not overly large nor framed in overly long lashes. As for her fur, it was a normal cream color, with a few hairs out of place, but all in all her pelt was still very nice. Plus, she was also wearing a slightly tattered dress made from rough gray-blue material that had a few stains on it from travelling great distances. She didn't glow or shine or glitter like the ferretmaid besides Swartt, and she looked completely and utterly murderous.

"Swartt!" she cried, coming over, her eyes snapping with fire. "What in the name of hellgates do you think you're doing?!"

Swartt could only stare, baffled, back and forth between his two wives.

Bluefen continued on, her normally solemn face writhing with fury. "First you kill my father and - oh, don't try to deny you killed him, any moron could see that you had something to do with it! Course I really can't say I was sad at his death because we weren't close, Daddy and me (or is it I?) and I had no real proof that you did it, so I could only shrug and be your wife, but here you are!" she thundered, gesturing at the radiantly glowing ferretmaid. "In the arms of another, as though I'm not good enough for you! Well I've had it! I can put up with you and your arrogance and your bad temper and your bullying and your crazy vixen Nightshade, but this is the last straw!"

Bluefen's screaming had aroused the attention of the horde, and pretty soon all the hordebeasts had surrounded the three ferrets, all of them staring wide-eyed at the scene. Except for Nightshade, who was staring intently at the ferretmaid at Swartt's side.

Finally the vixen went up to Bluefen and placed a soothing paw on her lady's shoulder, whispering, "My lady, I think I know what's going on here."

Bluefen whirled on the seer, throwing her paw off. "Oh you do, do you?! Well, what tipped you off? Your visions?!" she sneered.

Nightshade stared at Bluefen in surprised indignation for a moment, but then she shook her head. "It's alright, this is the way how they affect you. . . ."

"What?! What affects me?!" demanded Bluefen.

"That ferretmaid," Nightshade said, pointing at the maid right next to Swartt. "She's a Mary Sue."

Everybeast present gasped. Even Bluefen looked shocked.

The first beast to recover was the ferretmaid. "I'm NOT a Mary Sue! How dare you insult me in such a way, you icky foxy!"

Nightshade gave Bluefen a look at the ferretmaid's pitiful attempt at an insult. "See what I mean?"

Bluefen nodded before turning to Swartt and the ferretmaid with a dark glare. "Get offa my husband, Sue!"

"No!" the ferretmaid said, taking a hold of Swartt's sinewy arm. "He's mine! And you're not supposed to be here! You're supposed to be dead! That's the way it works in this fic, and Swartt is going to mistake me for you, only I explain that I'm not and I join the horde and save Swartt's life multiple times and he ends up seeing the error of his ways and -"

"STOP," said Bluefen. "Just stop. I cannot begin to tell you how many plotholes there are in that!"

Just then Marbul the weasel came forward. "Hmmmm," he said, rubbing his chin. "It seems like you've really got a big problem on your paws there, Lady Bluefen."

"Aye," said Scarback, a slow grin spreading over his face. "And I know a certain ferret who might be able to help us!"

The weasel grinned knowingly at the rest of the horde, and they set up a chant: "KEL-LY! KEL-LY! KEL-LY! KEL-LY! KEL-LY! KEL-LY! KEL-LY! KEL-LY!"

And suddenly the whole backdrop of a night-time forest was pulled away like a stage prop and in its place sprung up a studio with chairs and a live audience which the horde quickly took place in. A whole bunch of security badgers came out and seized Swartt and the Sue, Swartt being patted down with lots of male-make-up, the Sue being sprayed down so she wouldn't enchant any members of the audience with her Sparklypoo.

Bluefen, however, was merely hurried out onto the stage and seated on a comfortable chair, where she was powered a bit merely so there wouldn't be any unnecessary shine. The ferretmaid looked about her in wonder, and suddenly a tall, skinny male ferret wearing rectangular glasses came out holding a lazer-looking-thing.

He shook her paw, smiling. "Hi, I'm Kelaiah, and I'll be your host."


A/N: I'd like to point out that in the beginning, that's how my typing would look if I didn't go back over it to fix it up. ;)

Cheers, mateys!