Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

AN: Note: Bleach and Family Guy is property of creators Tite Kubo and Seth MacFarlane, respectively.

Title: You're Twisted!

This is basically a crossover between Bleach and Family Guy which features Stewie Griffin and Sōsuke Aizen as the main characters. They generally try to live in the same place together despite there differences. If your wondering how he can see him, I'll explain later in the story, this is technically a crack fic… oh well. Well, to be fair, there isn't much to say anyways.

WARNINGS: This story also features very strong language, mild violence, sexual themes, nudity and mild drug use.

Enjoy the crack madness!

Note: This is a fixed version of the chapter. I made more paragraphs for this one. Enjoy...

Chapter One: How It All Started


We move back three months when Stewie Griffin, who was still a little child, wounded up in a weird place called the "Soul Society" after his teleportation machine malfunctioned and transported him into the odd place. Luckily, he ended up in the Seireitei, the Soul Society's central city where all the people known as Soul Reapers lived. Lost and a little scared, he knew he had to find his way out of the place and back home. While trying to find a way back, he felt a weird but very strong feeling in his little body for a brief second and just shook himself from that feeling, while trying to fix the device which helps him return to his own world, he saw two Soul Reapers; one was wearing which what he though was a white, sleeve-less overcoat and the other was not but had a odd badge hanging from the front, the one on the left was a lid with short white, spiky-like hair and the other was a woman with long blonde hair, he wondered why two people like them was walking at this hour. Not caring about them one bit and was just focused on getting back, decided to walk past them as fast as his little legs could but he was soon caught by the woman.

"What are you doing? Let me go now!" Stewie yelled, but she held on to him and said:

"Huh, what is a little boy like you doing in a place like this?"

"Is that any of your concern, now let me go!" Stewie replied.

"Just let him go, now." The young captain told her, she had no choice but to put him down.

"My god! You and those boobs could have suffocated me of you hadn't let go of me sooner." Stewie gasped and yelled. "Alright, I just want some fucking answers on how and why I ended up in a place like this and I want to hear it!" While Stewie was completely pissed off and wanting a response, the two glared at him in shock and confusion.

"Rangiku?" he asked her.

"Yes?"

"Is it me or did that baby just talk?"

"He did, Captain."

Stewie, who was getting tired of the bullshit, yelled, "I'm tired of this bullshit, okay. One of you just tell me what's going on here and without you two fucking with me"

"Huh, it seems he doesn't know how he got here or why; is it possible that he has amnesia? He doesn't look like a regular soul and there no way he could have entered this place. However, I can somehow understand him, my captain can understand him too, but at least he talks and understands us so maybe I should ask him a few questions to make sure I'm right." She thought.

She begins to ask him a question. "What is your name?" Confused, he wondered who she asked him that question.

"If I tell you my name, then tell me your names and who are you" he replied. She quickly decided to agree with his request.

"Alright, my name is Stewie Griffin. So what's yours?"

"Okay, allow me to introduce ourselves." She said. "My name is Toshiro Hitsugaya, Captain of the 10th Division." He said without hesitation.

"And my name is Rangiku Matsumoto, Lieutenant of the 10th Division."

After the three exchanging names, Stewie says to them. "Huh? So you work for him?"

"Yes, he's my captain." Rangiku replied. Then silence broke out on that late night until Stewie began to laugh uncontrollably;

"Hah, ha, ha, ha, ha! Oh my god, are you fucking serious! My god, he's old enough to be your son!" Stewie laughed.

"You are too, bitch!" Toshiro replied back to him. After that comment, Rangiku proceeded to hit the two on the back of there heads and yelled:

"That's enough! I'm sorry I had to do that but keep quiet for god's sake." Stewie then agreed with her and stopped laughing.

Now it is 11:27 pm….

While the young captain, curvasious beauty of a lieutenant and the small, football-head child walked around the Seireitei while Stewie told stories about his adventures with his talking dog as he's in Rangiku's arms he asked them something.

"Hey, Guys?" he asked them.

"What?"

"What is up with those swords you guys are carrying around, don't you get in trouble for having weapons this late at night?"

"Well, Stewie." Rangiku tells him. "The swords me and my captain have is called a Zanpakutō, there primary weapons we Soul Reapers are given, each one has a different name, size, ability and appearance. These swords are more important as our own lives."

"Seriously?" Stewie replied. "I understand clearly but, isn't that a little much as saying a weapon is more important than you own fucking life? It's weird that you guys have something like these but there are others."

"Yes."

"Wow, I guess being a Soul Reaper is some pretty hard-" But then, there's silence when they hear the sound of a unknown number of Hollows in the city. This caught the attention of the two Soul Reapers.

"You know what we need to do. Don't you?" Toshirō said to .

"Yes, let's go, but wait, what about Stewie? We just can't leave him here."

"Don't Worry, just take me with you, I'll be safe." Stewie told them. Not wanting to get him hurt or killed, they decide to bring him along.

As the two try to defeat the Hollow army, the begin to get even more outnumbered which forced them to release there Zanpakutō; Stewie is watching from a distance and as he sees them about to get killed, he unleashes a weapon from out of nowere and fires at the Hollows, but is unsuccessful. With no choice, he runs to save them. When he reaches the destination, he heart stops for moment, as he laid there unconscious, with his new friends about to die, he hears his grandmother's voice; Telling him:

"Stewie! Stewie! You must release the power!"

Confused, he asked her,"What power?"

"The power that has been hidden inside you since the day you were born, you must unleash this power to save your friends. You may not know what I'm talking about, but the entire reason you were sent to the Soul Society. To become a hero. To become a Soul Reaper yourself"

Stewie is shocked that he is the only person capable to kill the Hollows and save his new friends, so he tapped deep into his inner being. He saw no other than his Soul Reaper self.

"I need you! I can't let them die! I must save them!" after those words, him and his inner Soul Reaper fused with him.

"I know what I have to do." Suddenly, a blast a spiritual power surrounded him, stopping a large Hollow from crushing the fuck out of him. Rangiku couldn't believe what her eyes were seeing, and she watched him slay every Hollow that he can get and soon enough, he killed them all and saved the both. Stewie later helps them up and both Toshirō and Rangiku couldn't believe that he was the real Stewie.

"Don't look so surprised, bitches." Stewie said to them. "I just saved your asses without even trying. So, let's just go, okay?" They nodded in agreement and went to bed "sort of?"

Two Week Later…

As Stewie, along with Captain Hitsugaya; is praised for saving the two 10th Division leaders, as he looks into the Captain-Commander's eyes.

"…and that was it, he effortlessly defeated the powerful Hollows and saved our asses, sir." Toshirō tells the Captain-Commander. As many wondered like why someone like Captain Hitsugaya was unable to defeat them. Either way, Stewie is given a big surprise by Captain-Commander Genryūsai Shigekuni Yamamoto.

"Due to your strong amazing strength and your heroism, I am pleased to inform you that we have decided to put you among the ranks of a captain. We hereby name you, Stewie Griffin; as the new Captain of the 5th Division." Stewie is shocked that he has given the title of Captain;

"I am completely honored to be the new Captain of the 5th Division, even you all don't know me that well, I will not disappoint you all. Thank You." He says to all the present captains in the room.

Three Days Later, in Las Noches…

Sōsuke Aizen gets some interesting news from his bitches...I mean Espada. "Is it true, Tōsen?" Aizen said. "Did they really name a new captain to the 5th Division?"

"Yes. Although, I don't know his name." Kaname Tōsen replied.

"Bummer, I really wanted to know who it was. Oh well."

However, one of his espada, Ulquiorra Cifer tells him more. "His name is Stewie Griffin." Ulquiorra told him. "It has been told he is very strong"

"Really, now?" Aizen says with a grinnish look and leaves the room.

"Where are you going, Sōsuke?" Gin Ichimaru asks him.

"I'm going back to the Soul Society, I decided to have a little harmless fun" he replies while walking away.