A/N: Here are the first three chapters of The Plotless Chronicles. I put them all in one chapter. If you didn't read The Plotless Chronicles or need to be reminded of the beginning, go ahead and read it. There's still a little bit of The Plotless Chronicles in the next chapter (the first part, anyway), but you may just want to skip this chapter. If you do read it, please review!

"Elizabeth, I'm sorry. You know, it would never have worked out between us, love." Elizabeth made a face at him. "Well, gentlemen and ladies, you will remember this as the day you almost-" He fell off the edge.

"Well, that was stupid," Elizabeth commented. "Anyway, Will I hope you'll understand, but we won't work. See, I am going to marry Commodore Norrington. So go figure."

"Well, I never loved you anyway. I just didn't want to hurt your feelings. So nyih!"

"Yeah, well you suck."

"Oh yeah, so do you!"

"Oh yeah?"

Elizabeth and Will continued their bickering for a time, forcing everyone one around them to listen. They continued bickering for a week, stopping only to eat.

Meanwhile...

"Lauren, stop jumping up and down, it's scaring me." Cisca frowned at Lauren.

"Where are we going anyway?" Meara asked.

"Nowhere," shouted Lauren. A few seconds passed.

"Where are we?" asked Cisca, looking confusedly at their surroundings. There was nothing around them, nothing below them, and nothing above them.

"You are nowhere," said a voice behind them.

"And who are YOU?" asked Meara.

"I am Trist, Sexy God of Mischief. I brought you to nowhere. And now I'm gonna put you in the middle of the 'Pirates of the Caribbean'. Whether you like it or not."

Meanwhile...

"Will, this bickering is foolish. We should stop," Elizabeth said.

"No, we shouldn't," Will said.

"Yes, we should."

"No, we shouldn't.

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"Hello," said Meara.

"Where did you come from?"

"I win!" shouted Elisabeth triumphantly. "We stopped bickering." Will glared.

"Grrrrrrrrrrr."

"Oooh, he growls so sexily!" said Lauren. "Hi Orlando, I'm Lauren."

"I'm Cisca!" announced Cisca.

"Ow," said Meara. "The parrot won't let go of my ankle!"

"Crrrraahhh?" said the parrot.

Meanwhile...

"I am so sexy and mischievous," thought Trist.

"Ummm, who are you, and what are you doing here?" asked Elizabeth. "Duh. We already told you who we are. We don't know what we're doing here, because the sexy god over there, whose name is Trist, by the way, sent us here," Meara explained.

"Ha ha ha! Look! It's Commodore Jackass Norrington!" Lauren yelled. Everyone gave her weird looks.

"Anyway, where is Captain Jack Sparrow?" Cisca asked.

"Oh, he just fell off that ledge about, um, a week ago," Will informed her.

"OH NO! I MISSED HIM!" Cisca yelled.

"Ha ha. So, what are you people doing now?" Lauren questioned.

"Well, I think I'm supposed to chase that Jack Sparrow," Norrington answered. "Just because he's a pirate. And I have nothing better to do."

"OOOOOOOOOOOH A SHIP! CANICOMECANICOMECANICOME? PLEEEEEASE!" Lauren

shouted.

"Lauren, be quiet, you're going to make everyone, including Will, deaf," Meara scolded.

"Oh, okay."

Trist had been standing on the ledge thing where everyone was, and thinking. Finally, he spoke. "I have decided that I am going to send Will, Lauren, Cisca, Meara,

Norrington, and, oh what the hell, Elizabeth on a quest to go find Captain Jack Sparrow. That is all for now."

So...

"AHHHHH!!!!!!" Elizabeth cried as she tripped over the mop and landed in the puddle of water made especially for her.

"Who was it this time!!??" cried Jackass Norrington in despair. Lauren grinned wickedly and pointed at Will, who smirked nastily and pointed at Cisca, who put an innocent look on her face (before bursting into irrepressible giggles) and pointed at Meara, who said simply "I didn't do it!"

"I'M SICK TO DEATH OF THIS!!!! STOP BAITING MY INNOCENT WIFE!!!!"

"She may be your wife, but she definitely isn't innocent," was Lauren's nonchalant reply.

"Oh yeah? So what am I guilty of?" Elizabeth put her hands on her hips. "Let's see…annoying us, being a…how should I say it?" Meara began

"A conceited teabag?" Cisca offered.

"Yes, that's one way. And for stealing Will…I mean Orlando when all he really wanted to do was go back to Lauren," Meara finished triumphantly

"Don't forget stealing the pirate medallion!" cried Cisca.

"And being an idiot and changing her name," added Lauren.

"So there. See, she isn't innocent at all," Meara finished.

Captain Jackass Norrington sighed. He could tell it was going to be a very long voyage.

Later...

"This quest thing sucks," announced Meara in disgust. "Lauren's mooning over Will, Cisca spends WAY too much time in the crow's nest looking for the Pearl, and Trist the super-sexy thief-god isn't around! Not to mention this stupid parrot keeps stalking me!"

"Crrraaawwk?" queried the aforementioned parrot, just before Lauren swung cavalierly from somewhere in the rigging to land on its tail.

"I'm not mooning over Will," she said indignantly over the bird's pained squawking.

"Really?" asked Meara. "Well then, no need for you to go and watch him as he does cool fencing moves with his shirt off." Lauren was halfway to the other side of the boat when Cisca appeared, clutching a telescope. "Hi Cisca," Meara said. "What's up?"

"Nothing much," sighed Cisca. "I've been watching all morning, and no sign of Captain Jack Sparrow."

"That's a bummer," replied Meara. "Trist isn't here either. Lauren's so lucky. The object of her affections is over there fencing with his shirt off. Mine is somewhere playing tricks on people who don't even appreciate their good fortune, and yours is off being a pirate." She scanned the horizon. "Hey look, there's Captain Jack!"

"Really?" Cisca jumped up in down in excitement. "Where?"

Meara marked something down in a notebook. "35 fell-for-its, 1 don't-mess-with-me-you-dirty-liar. This is just sad."

Cisca ran off to look for Jack some more, while Meara sighed sadly and walked down the length of the ship, past Elizabeth and Jackass Norrington's cabin. "Oh, yes, Commodore, YES! Yes, yes, YES!!!!" Meara covered her ears and groaned in frustration.

"Why can't Trist be here?" she appealed to the parrot, which was still stalking her.

"Crraawwwk," it answered her.

"Much comfort you are," Meara told it.

"Oh, look," said a random crewmember. "It's Trist!"

"Really, where?" asked Meara in excitement.

"46 fell-for-its, the you-dirty-liars still to come," announced the able seaman.

"Damn!" Meara said. "I'm worse than Cisca!"

"Ha ha," Cisca laughed.

"Hey, look, is that a pirate ship in the distance?" Lauren questioned. Will grabbed Cisca's telescope.

"No, dear, it's Tortuga," he informed her.

"Whoops, my bad."

"Hey, Tortuga! Maybe someone there knows something about where Jack is!" Cisca said excitedly.

"Anything, so we can just finish this stupid quest and I can see Trist again," Meara replied. "And what is with this parrot?"

Several minutes later…

"Will someone please STOP THIS GOD DAM PARROT!!!? I'm sick of it stalking me!!!" Meara screamed. They were entering Tortuga's port and everyone was too busy to pay any attention to her. She began shouting and trying to tear her hair out, "I WANT TRIST!!!"

"Here I am," answered someone behind her.

"Where!!??" shouted Meara, turning around. There was the entire crew, and they were all laughing at her.

"That's…52…times…" gasped Cisca between laughs.

"Fine! Be that way. You go off to Tortuga and find your precious Captain Jack, and I'll stay here on the boat waiting for Trist. Hmph!" Meara turned around sulkily and stomped into the cabin. She closed the door behind her and sat on the bed, sighing loudly. "Kraaaaak!" the parrot exclaimed. Meara threw a pillow at him. She could hear everyone else leaving for Tortuga…and was kind of (though not really) starting to relent…when the parrot began to glow.

"What the hell!!??" cried Meara, staring at the parrot in surprise.

"Hello, didn't recognize me, did you?" said Trist the sexy god of Mischief, grinning evilly.

"Trist!!!!" cried Meara in delight. "I didn't know that you could change shape."

"But I can…in fact…" Trist slowly changed into what seemed to be Captain Jack Sparrow. "Shall we go create havoc?" asked Trist/Captain Jack.

"Aye, aye, matey."

Meanwhile…

"Where do you think Captain Jack is?" Cisca asked Will for the fifteenth time since setting foot on Tortuga.

"I don't know," said Will through clenched teeth.

"But, seriously, do you have any idea where he might be? I mean, that would help immensely and…"

"JUST SHUT UP I DON'T KNOW WHERE CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW IS!!!! OK!!?? WE'VE BEEN THROUGH THIS!!!!" Will shouted.

"Are you people looking for me?" asked Captain Jack from behind them.

"JACK!!!!!" screamed Cisca in delight.

"Do I know you?" Cisca began explaining everything quickly. Suddenly, from behind them, another Captain Jack Sparrow appeared, with Meara trailing behind him.

"Wait a minute…" said Cisca. " Which of you is the real, authentic, super cool, Captain Jack Sparrow?"

"I am," said both Captain Jack simultaneously.

"Oh no," groaned Commodore Jackass Norrington. "Now what're we gonna do?"

"We're gonna find out which Captain Jack is really Captain Jack," declared Nikki, appearing suddenly from nowhere. "And I'm gonna be the judge," she continued, chuckling evilly………

"Ah!" said Meara. "Where did you come from?"

"From Nowhere, of course," Nikki replied. "Duh."

"Where's Nowhere?" asked Commodore Jackass Norrington.

"It isn't," answered Lauren promptly.

"It isn't?" he said in puzzlement.

"It isn't anywhere," Cisca told him, taking pity on his stupidity. "It's Nowhere. Nowhere isn't Anywhere, it's Nowhere."

"What?" said Commodore Jackass Norrington.

"Never mind," snapped Meara in frustration. "He needs a brain transplant. Go make out with Elisabeth, Commodore. You're irritating."

"Okay," said Commodore Jackass Norrington. Nikki glared as he left.

"Why did you make him leave?" she whined. "I had a really good plan to torture him, and now he's nowhere--" the air popped as she vanished "--to be found," she finished into the blank nothingness of nowhere.

"Well," said Will. "So much for our judge. I guess we'll just have to find a way to figure things out without her."

"This isn't fair!" said Cisca. "First there weren't enough Captain Jack Sparrows, and now there are too many!"

"Ha-ha," said Lauren.

"Shut up," said Cisca.

Meanwhile...

"I'm tired of being Nowhere!" announced Nikki loudly into the nothingness. "I want to be back there!" Nothingness would have popped had it truly existed, but had to settle for a half-hearted cluck appearing out of thin nothingness.

Back in the Pirates of the Caribbean...

"Ummmm… so yet again, I ask, how are we going to find out which Jack Sparrow is real?" Will asked.

"OH I KNOW I KNOW!" Lauren squealed, jumping up and down.

"Stop it Lauren, you're making me sick," said Cisca, who was in fact looking quite green. "Just tell us already!"

"But I can't say it out loud," Lauren pouted.

"Then whisper it to Will," Meara instructed. So Lauren did, with a very happy grin on her face. Everyone else (except Will) rolled their eyes. Will grinned, and nodded.

"Meara," he began, "Which Jack Sparrow do you think is hotter and sexier?"

"THIS ONE, OF COURSE!" she retorted, grabbing one's arm.

"Okay, then you are some sort of shape-shifty thingy, most likely Trist!" Lauren shouted. Trist turned back to his normal form and frowned at Lauren.

"How did you guess it was me?"

"'Cuz I'm smart. I thought it was weird that a parrot was randomly on the ship and it only follows Meara. Meara! So ha-ha."

Cisca practically threw herself on the real Jack Sparrow, who fell over. "Yay! We finally found Jack!"

There was a crash of thunder and everything went dark. A glowing figure appeared. "Trist. The sword of the gods has been stolen. You must find it." Then everything was back to normal.

"What in the world was that?" Will yelled at Trist, who sighed.

"That was one of my fellow gods. It would seem that one of the relics of the gods has been stolen. And you all know what that means…"