A/N: So, my first published Assassin's Creed fic! It's a kind of cute, kind of derpy, alternate universe fic. It's nothing serious and it's not yaoi (this time XP), but I hope you guys enjoy it either way. I'm still testing out a different writing style, so I hope it's good. If it is, I'll continue to use it. Hope you guys like it!

LonelyHearts2008


Desmond didn't seem to have much time or patience for his ancestors - in or out of the Animus - what with them, mostly Altair, questioning - or attacking - various pieces of machinery. When they appeared outside of the Animus, in his world, Desmond hoped it was just a glitch from the Animus; that he was still strapped safely inside the machine.

Hell, he would have accepted that he'd gone crazy and that his two ancestors, currently mystified by the blinking television set in Desmond's living room, were just aparitions born of his insanity.

Unfortunately, they were real. Even Lucy seemed surprised, first claiming that it was an Animus glitch, then being completely unable to classify the strange phenomena. Instead, she sent the two with Desmond, where he attempted to socialize them as much as possible with this new and vastly different world.

With...varying results.

Because of Altair, Desmond's been late for work at least twice.

Desmond's a bartender and, because he works at night, he tries to sleep some during the day, However, with the Syrian being paranoid - Altair calls it "being alert at all times" - about every single noise in the apartment, the second Desmond's alarm went off, his clock was hurdling to its death from the second floor.

"It's like house breaking puppies," Desmond would tell the others. He's had to - God's honest truth - teach the both of them to use the bathroom properly, eat like humans with utencils (Altair was flabbergasted to learn that not all food was finger food), and teach them that no, not every place was an acceptable place to free run.

Imagine Desmond's surprise - and horror - to find them both striding regally atop the shelves in the supermarket. Even worse, the look of embarrassment he derived from the bewildered stares of patrons and the staff's actions.

A ban for life? Come on! Teenagers did far worse things! Ezio didn't even draw a blade.

Aside from all of that, Desmond got some joy from being around his ancestors, no matter how they got here.

However, one morning, Altair and Ezio had a new, different mechanical issue to address.


The two elder assassins stared at the screen in wonder. Just one flick of a wrist, just one turn of a dial and the machine whirred to life.

"This is nothing the likes of Leonardo could have made," Ezio whispered to himself.

"I've never seen anything like this in my life," said Altair.

But, Desmond, their distant decendant, explained to them what the screen did and they didn't forget, oh no. They didn't simply forget things.

"Dez-mund -" Ezio began.

"Desmond," corrected the younger.

"Yes, that's what I said. We have a question."

Desmond sniffed briefly before swilling around the contents of the mug in his hand. "What now?"

"It appears that this screen is broken. It lights up, but there is no picture," explained Altair.

"It doesn't have a picture," said Desmond.

"But...you said that all screens have pictures and this one does not," said Ezio. "Is it broken?"

"It's not a TV, you guys."

"But, it is a screen. It lights up without picture," replied Altair. "Explain this supposed exception to me."

Desmond lowered the mug from his lips, swallowing the coffee in his mouth. He delayed, smacking his lips once to catch more of the aromatic flavor of his beverage.

"That's not a TV," he explained. "That's a microwave."