Chapter 1

Here I am again. Sat in Nando's with all my not-single best friends, celebrating Amy's recent engagement. Why am I the one who can't seam to hold down a relationship? Is there something wrong with me? Something men don't like? Is is because I'm not perfectly tanned with beach blonde hair and big boobs? Or is it my personality? Am I really that bad?

I suddenly became aware that Amy was trying to talk to me. How long had I been stuck in this depressing mind loop.

'...well?!'

I didn't even know what the conversation was about, let alone what Amy had asked me.

'well what?'

'Did you even hear what I said to you? I mean the whole reason we're here is to discuss my wedding! I know it's hard for you being single for this long, but for all you know he...'

He could walk into the room in a minute.. I'd heard it all before, too many times. I didn't believe I would ever find love now, doomed to walk the earth alone for eternity.

I say I'd never find love now, little did my friends know, I'd already found love and lost it.. I could never deal with that pain again.. it would kill me.

Just like the way his eyes the harsh colour of ice but still capable of looking warm and comforting like home, and his hair a fiery crown on his head that would stand in all directions, his smile and the way his whole face would light up when he looked at me and caught me eye, all just a distant memory that haunts me everytime I close my eyes.

How could it possibly still hurt this much after all these years...