A/N: I've been trying to write this story for a couple of years now. I never quite dared to actually do it. So a huge thank you to Kristen3 who gave me the final push to write it! This story is in particular dedicated to her and Leigh Ann. And to everyone who will miss Hot in Cleveland just as much.
As for HiC, this is set very early in the show (think season 1). Also, I kept my original idea which is why I wrote a Christmas story in summer. Enjoy!
Days like these made Joy think that even her name was mocking her. There certainly was no joy inside her at the moment. And it hadn't been for quite a while. The heavy Christmas atmosphere that pattered down on her like snow didn't help either. It had been worse in Cleveland, though. So bad in fact that Joy had felt the urgent need to run. Away from her best friends and their happiness. Away from her own misery, which unfortunately had followed her. There was no place on earth it seemed that Joy could run to where she didn't feel this stifling loneliness. So really, her name should have been Misery instead. That one would have fit her perfectly.
Her plan had been to run to California. In some ways she still considered it her home; she'd lived there so long and the warm, sometimes seemingly unreal weather conditions were the perfect remedy for her current Christmas blues. Blaming her mood on Christmas was the easiest way out. Melanie was going to spend Christmas with her children. Victoria, who could have done the same thing, would probably spend it with her new beau. Elka… well, Joy didn't really care about her. But she, too, would have a plan for Christmas. Except for Joy. She never had a plan. She didn't have a child. At least she didn't have a child she could just call and ask to come over. Just one more thing she tried not to think about. Just like her love life. And in the end it all came down to one poignant fact: she was all alone. Both Melanie and Victoria had tried to tell her that she wasn't alone. They were her best friends and they would always be there for her. They were her family. Except. A tiny part of her always felt like she didn't quite belong. Not on normal days. On normal days all of this was enough. She didn't miss anything. Days like today, when her name mocked her, when the illusion of Christmas cheer rocked her, those were the days when Joy needed more.
The whole country was fighting massive snow storms that December. But Joy hadn't cared. She'd gone to the airport with hardly any luggage at all and just bought a ticket to L.A.
"One-way or return?"
"One-way." She'd answered without even thinking. Joy figured she'd be back eventually; she just couldn't put a date on that eventuality. She would call Melanie, Victoria and Elka later when she was in L.A. and too far away for either of them to stop her. Joy had turned off her phone, boarded the plane and tried to relax. Her emergency plan had worked perfectly until… well, until everything went down. Literally.
"Dear passengers, due to the current weather situations we are forced to make an unexpected landing. We will shortly land in Seattle. Please return to your seats, remain calm and put on your seat belts. Descent into Seattle airport will begin shortly."
"Seattle?" Joy yelled, automatically fastening her seat belt. "How is Seattle even on our way?" The woman next to her just shrugged. Joy wasn't sure she even understood English. The situation was eerily similar to when she, Victoria and Melanie had come to Cleveland. Yet another unwanted, ironic twist of fate. Joy closed her eyes against the threatening tears behind her eyes.
"It'll be ok, you know." The woman next to her suddenly spoke. Joy opened her eyes in surprise and turned to her. She wore a small smile and really looking at her, Joy realized that she was about her age.
"We're not going to crash," the woman continued, "It'll be ok." The strange woman had such warm eyes and such a confident smile that Joy nodded. She couldn't tell her that she wasn't worried about crashing. Her loneliness was crushing her it enough as it was.
Seattle-Tacoma International Airport was not the place Joy imagined spending any time at. The sparse, careless Christmas decoration all around the airport depressed her even more. No matter where she turned, Christmas music blasted from every speaker and every store. There was no way to hide from it. So Joy walked. And walked. She didn't look left or right, she just needed to stay in motion. Songs got cut off by others and that way they lost their heaviness.
"Mommy!" So many voices and they all blurred together. Joy wondered how many children were currently looking for their mothers. Not her son, certainly. The thought crept up on her unwillingly. She often thought of that little boy she'd given up all those years ago. How old he must have been now… Joy's steps lost their speed, her feet suddenly heavy.
"Mommy, wait, we're here!" And suddenly a little boy jumped at her. Joy caught him instinctively.
"Careful!" The boy had a tight grip on her and all she could see was a bob of soft blond hair. She had no idea who this kid was, but she knew she was prepared to help him if that was the reason he had called her 'Mommy'.
"I missed you so much." He mumbled against her. Joy felt his words on her skin and they went straight to her heart. Her hand found a place on his small, warm back. Her eyes closed on their own volition when she caught a whiff of his childish scent; a mixture of cookies and something so innocent, something inexplicably pure. Joy wanted to tell him that he'd obviously mixed her up, but she didn't have the heart. Holding the boy felt like the first right thing in a long, long time.
"David, I told you not to run away from me," a male voice, slightly out of breath said somewhere close, "Oh, there you are, my love." Joy's heart skipped a beat. 'My love'. For all she knew this was a dream. She was 'mommy' to a son and 'my love' to a stranger with impeccable taste in shoes – because Joy didn't dare to look up at his face. As soon as she did, he would realize that she was not that woman. She hugged the boy tighter – just a moment more, she promised herself – and reveled in his warmth. Then it was him who broke the hug, unable to stay still for so long.
"I have so much to tell-" The man began to say as Joy slowly lifted her head. For a moment she was his love. For a moment everything was right. Joy could see the sparkle in the man's eyes and immediately felt jealous of the woman who got to see this every day of her life. As if someone switched off a light, his blue eyes turned darker and he reached out for his son.
"David, come over here." The boy had taken hold of Joy's hand and now looked up at her, confused by his father's voice and words. It only took two seconds before the set of blue-green eyes grew big. His face went pale and suddenly he was gone from her side, hiding behind his father's legs. The dream was over as quickly as it had started.
"I'm sorry," Joy stammered, "he just jumped at me."
"She looks like mom, dad." The boy whispered in awe. His eyes were still on her; he tried to make sense of something Joy had no idea about. Maybe it was the way she wore her hair. Or a similar taste in clothing that reminded them of the woman they loved.
"I know, son. I know," he told the boy in a gentle tone before he addressed Joy: "Don't apologize, please, it was our mistake." Mistake was right, Joy thought. All she ever was to someone was a mistake. A failure. That man knew nothing about her, just like she knew nothing about him. Joy locked eyes with him, hoping to see that sparkle one more time. It was gone, though.
"It's just – you bear a striking resemblance to my wife, Daphne." The man said. Joy realized that he was examining her from head to toe. He tried to see something in her that obviously wasn't there. It couldn't be there because she wasn't the woman he knew. Joy wished she could be that for him.
"You could be her twin!" The boy told her and smiled. What a beautiful smile, Joy thought. Would her own son have looked a little bit like him? The question surprised her and she startled.
"We didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."
"Oh, you didn't. It just surprised me is all." Joy forced herself to smile.
"Wow, you even sound like her! Are you real?"
"David!"
"I'm sorry, Mrs.-"
"Joy." She said in an unsteady voice.
"Joy," the man smiled broadly, "David, apologize to Joy."
"Sorry." The boy mumbled.
"I'm Niles, by the way. Dr. Niles Crane. We're here to pick up my wife, who is flying in from Manchester. Do you – I hope you don't think me awfully forward, but do I detect a British accent?"
"I'm originally from England." Joy admitted.
"Are you related to my mom?" Little David was torn between confusion and curiosity.
"David!"
"No, it's fine, Mr. – I mean Dr. Crane. I don't know your mom, David, so no, I don't think we're related." But Joy couldn't help but wish to be related to that mysterious woman – if it meant having a family like this. All she had left was her mother and that was just a disaster.
"That's too bad." David said and tilted his head. Joy almost smiled; the kid still tried to come to terms with the fact that she apparently resembled his mother. His father – Joy's heart beat faster at the fact that he was a doctor – kept his eyes on her as well. Without knowing anything about the other woman, she knew that she was lucky. Very lucky. He examined her with his eyes trying to see what reminded him of his wife – and what didn't. Joy wanted to yell at him, pretend she was his wife. Just to see what being a wife to someone – and a mother – really felt like.
The atmosphere was ripped apart by a ringing cell phone. Joy watched as Niles Crane took it out of his jacket. She saw the change on his face and knew immediately that their moment was about to end.
"Sweetheart, where are you?" But his eyes stayed on Joy. She tried to tell her heart and mind that he was not talking to her. As so often, her heart had a hard time listening.
"We're on the wrong side, David," he told his son, "We'll be right there, my love." He ended the call and Joy stood up straight. Little David was excited and tugged at his father's hand. For him Joy was a fleeting moment, nothing that he would remember long-term. All he wanted was to have his real mother back. The realization brought new tears to her eyes, but she promised herself not to break down as long as they were staring at her.
"It was nice to meet you, Joy." Niles Crane extended his hand. Joy was surprised how soft his skin was. And how warm. She wanted to hold on to him, feeling like he was an anchor or someone who knew the answers to questions she hadn't even thought to ask herself yet.
"Likewise," she said, "And you as well, David." The boy grinned a half toothless grin.
"Would it be all right if I gave you another hug?" Joy asked and looked first at the boy, then at his father. She hoped her eyes didn't show how desperate she was. "It's just – you remind me of my own son." A blatant lie, but they would never know that.
Instead of an answer, David just hugged her again. Joy bit her tongue to stop herself from crying. She knew that Dr. Crane was looking at them, wondering what all of this was about. He probably considered her strange or even mentally deranged. The hug didn't last as long and Joy shivered when she had to let go.
"Goodbye." Niles Crane said and little David waved at her. Joy waved back. She watched them walk away from her, still shivering. Somewhere a cheesy Christmas song started and maybe she just wanted to get away from it, but Joy felt the need to follow them. Just to see… just to see what they saw in her. She needed to see the woman who was leading the life she had tasted for a few short moments.
Spying, interestingly enough, came easily to Joy. She'd done it a few times with boyfriends. It seemed to be embedded in her nature. Neither little David nor his father paid her any thought, though. Their steps were quick and their eyes frantically searching for that one face.
"Mommy!" Joy stopped. The same voice – but a different situation. This time the boy didn't jump into her arms. She watched as he threw himself at his mother. Her breath caught in her throat. It couldn't be, could it? The woman looked just like her. Like David had said: they could be twins. True, the woman had a slightly different taste in clothing than Joy. That was the only apparent difference. And her family. Like a movie, Joy watched the scene. David was showered with kisses and laughed. With her son in her arms, she turned to her husband. Joy knew without a doubt that the sparkle in his eyes had returned. She felt the kiss they shared tingling on her lips.
"This is ridiculous." She mumbled to herself, yet didn't take her eyes off the happy family. Dr. Niles Crane started telling her something and she hung to his every word. Sometimes she smiled, once she frowned, and then she laughed. Joy thought the woman – Daphne – looked absolutely stunning. There was a happy glow about her that Joy wished she possessed herself.
"They're talking about me." She said out loud.
"So? You're talking to yourself." A man next to her said.
"Excuse me?" Anger rose in Joy.
"You're talking to yourself, lady." He handed her his newspaper. "So you're not all that alone." He gave her a dirty grin and Joy was ready to throw his newspaper at him, but she was afraid to make a scene and be discovered. The man just walked away and Joy forgot about the incident. When she looked back to where the Crane family had been just a moment ago, she couldn't find them anymore. Quickly Joy searched the crowd. So many faces, so many people. The ones she wanted to see, however, were nowhere to be found. Then a laugh. Like a familiar song, like a puzzle piece. Joy pretended to read the newspaper as they walked past her.
"She looked like me, huh?"
"She did, mommy."
"No one compares to you, Daphne." Dr. Niles Crane sounded just like the taste of honey, Joy thought.
"You thought she was mommy, too!"
"For about two seconds. There was something – her eyes were different. She wasn't you and I'm so glad we got the real you back."
"I love you, Niles Crane."
And that was the last thing Joy heard. They were too far gone now. Other voices filled the space next to her. That goddamn Christmas music was back, too, and Joy had to stop herself from following them once again. They were not her family. Not her husband, not her son. Somewhere out there, maybe… If her doppelganger could find love, maybe so could Joy. New hope settled inside her.
"Passengers of flight 9391 to Los Angeles, please-" Her flight. But Joy no longer cared. She no longer felt the need to run. She'd made a new home in Cleveland. Melanie and Victoria – yes, even Elka – were a new kind of home. And a new kind of family. Maybe she didn't need to run from them like she'd once run from her real family. She switched on her phone and it blinked at her furiously – 30 missed calls and messages. 'Where are you?', 'Joy, we're worried' and 'Elka is planning a Goodbye Joy party! Come back asap!' made her smile.
'Just a small detour. On my way back home'. Joy quickly typed into her phone. Yes, home. Cleveland was home now. And maybe, just maybe that would be the place where she found the same kind of happiness she'd just witnessed. She closed her eyes, remembering how the small, blond-haired boy had felt in her arms. That look of unconditional love in Niles Crane eyes. Maybe her own version of that waited in Cleveland. She knew she wouldn't find it in L.A and she was getting too old to always run, run from her problems anyway.
And no matter what happened, she reminded herself as her phone buzzed again, her friends were the best surrogate family anyone could ask for.
THE END
