Dropped in a Fangirl's World
A/N: Originally this was planned as a one shot, but my boundless, plotless ideas have provided a need for more than one chapter. Anyway, this fanfic explores what would happen if L through some unknown power found himself in one of his fan-girl's apartments. Characters might be a little OOC, and this fic is strictly for humor and entertainment. Warnings include a scary fan girl, and extensive mentions of BL and yaoi, as well as threats of castration and attacks on Light.
Adventures of L and Light
L opened his eyes to warmth and the pale yellow illumination of a lamp tucked against a corner, his deep black irises watched the blank ceiling as his pupils reacted to the sudden brightness. The warmth of the room faded into a cooler yet still comfortable temperature as an air conditioner hummed and roared in its cabinet beneath the window. L felt feeling creep back into his limbs, stifling the stiff paralysis with a bombardment of pain -- he bit his lip and drew in a breath, unable to cringe at the onslaught of his nervous system.
The beat of his heart hurt like a sledgehammer and he shut his eyes at the sudden zing as it thumped harder....
'Wait...heartbeat....I have a heartbeat? But the Shinigami....' L drew air heavily into his lungs, and cursed at the soreness, his body protesting against that normal occupation of living. The stiffness gradually faded to a dull annoyance, packing the pain with it as it vamoosed, and he sighed seizing the opportunity to think in the approaching comfort.
"Where am I?"
"Huh? Who's that? Sis?" A groggy voice mumbled to his right, on a low bed hidden by shadow and topped with a winter blanket. L sat up and watched as the heavy blanket moved, revealing a pale face peeking out at him. The tired eyes blinked behind a curtain of brown and black hair, the blue of the irises seeming gray as a lazy hand wiped sleep from them. L tilted his head when the hand stopped, missing the widening eyes as he locked on the plushie the person held in her free arm.
It was an L plushie. Still in perfect condition.
"That....what...." L didn't have time to finish his inquiry, as the female gasped, lips twisting with delight and a shadow of disbelief. The next moment blue eyes glanced down at her covered form and froze.
"Holy Hell!" She cursed, cheeks reddening before she glared at him and sat up, with the blanket wrapped securely around her. "You stay there."
L tilted his head in thought, blushing before the female reached her small but still-with-enough-space-to-dress-in closet, his detective intelligence unneeded to figure out the female wore little to no clothes beneath the blanket.
While she dressed muttering 'holy crap' and 'holy hell' and a lot more holy's under her breath, L forced himself to his feet, stretching his back out straight just to loosen the stiffness further. His eyes fell on the plushie left on the bed, and before he could bite back curiosity, his hands picked it up.
Black-felt hair cut and glued on its cotton-filled, cloth head, white shirt and blue pants sewn on its body -- the plushie remained with knees brought to its chest and arms crossed over them, the thumb of one hand at its lips. L looked it over, frowning at the blue pants covering its crouched legs as the loose cloth exposed the backside.
"That plushie's pants never stay up...." The female muttered behind him, slight smile on her lips until she realized the absurd perversity pushing through her thoughts among the lines of 'OMG L is here holding an L plushie and one of their pants are down....'
(Needless to say) her cheeks resumed their blush, her eyes glazing at the sudden image conjured from that thought train. The next moment she lunged at L, arms firmly vised around his torso as they both tumbled to the mattress from her full-body glomp. Her heart beat rapidly as she squeezed the surprised L tighter, her eyes closed in bliss while his widened at the peculiarity of her action and dress.
Long sleeved white shirt and loose blue jeans, she wore his customary outfit and the darkness of her hair differed a mere shade from his.
"Are you okay?" L mumbled, his real question burning within 'what the bleep is going on?'
"I'm all right....though I could die without regret this very moment...." The female let go of L, though she continued to cuddle her head against his chest. "My sweet loveable, cuddleble, huggable L is finally here. Now we only need Kira roasting over an open fire and I can die blissfully content."
L blinked down at the female as he moved from lying to sitting, her words scary and strangely reassuring, though his brain still lingered in incomprehension.
"Could you tell me where I am?"
The female gazed up at him.
"I died and now....where am I? How do you know who I am?"
"Uh....well, I....um, I guess this could be considered an alternate reality? Since in this world you're an Anime character."
"I'm a WHAT?"
0
L sulked, bunched up in the tan and battered computer chair, knees at his chest with his hands lain on top of them; his stomach growled for sweets yet the only thing he'd found in the apartment was a bottle of chocolate ice-cream syrup. He'd emptied that half a hour ago.
"Where did she go?" He mumbled and spun the computer chair around, glaring at the blank monitor now in his view. Two hours ago he'd logged on, using the password and user the female had written down before he awoke -- not thinking about what 801 meant until after he saw the background.
He blanched and immediately turned off the monitor, refusing to look at it even to log off.
That background was a colored pic of him and Light on a bed, chains around his arms and torso, with Light straddling him -- both of them wearing only pants.
"To think I started to think she wasn't so bad…now I know why she chose 801 as part of her password." He shuddered, trying not to imagine what other pics she could have stored on the PC. He sulked and glanced at the floor after giving the monitor another glare. "Why is Light above me even in a pic like that? Why couldn't it be…."
He shook his head rapidly to dispel that thought, which brought, among other images, ideas and curiosities he didn't wish to contemplate. The opening of the apartment door broke through his brooding, the call of 'come help me, L-kun,' as the voice's owner stepped in holding grocery bags drew his bad mood into the air and away.
He noticed the boxes of hostess cakes and packages of mixed candy through the plastic shopping bags.
"Hello Sweet, guess what I have! I wanted to be home before you woke but there was so many selections, and when I realized the credit card from your pocket actually worked, I just couldn't deny us both from having a sample of every sweet."
L grabbed the bags she held out and brought them to the kitchen, his first desire to eat them while sitting on the computer chair until he remembered the background picture.
"You need to change your user background." L opened a box of hostess cupcakes and devoured two within his sentence, barely sitting on one of the chairs at the kitchen table before he swallowed the last bite of the second.
"Use…holy! I completely forgot I changed it to that pic last week. I was completely engulfed in figuring out how I'd feed your sweet tooth and doubting your credit card would work that I forgot that you wouldn't be used to a BL fan-girl's computer…and, you didn't browse any of the fanfics I have saved, did you?"
"I turned the monitor off one second after I saw the background. I won't be able to use it until you change it…thank you for buying these sweets by the way."
"But I used your credit card…I should thank you for letting me by groceries for the month. And soda for the week or so…." She watched L shrug and return to the sweets, this time a box of pocky that he dipped into a jar of Nutella.
"You went out to get all of this, that's why I thank you….what kind of soda did you get?"
"Uh…." Her eyes widened, before her expression wilted into guilt. "I didn't know what kind you'd like so I only bought some for myself -- and I don't see you as a Diet Pepsi drinker."
"You would be correct. Artificial sweeteners are terrible. Sugar, white or brown, is preferable."
"I did buy tea though…the instant kind and the non-instant kind. As well as a huge package of gradulated sugar for it -- I don't know where to look for sugar cubes." She carried the rest of the bags into the kitchen, making three trips back to the door before everything was in. The last trip consisted of non-sweet foods for herself, as well as the last of the five 12 can packs of Diet Pepsi.
"I think I might consider this place as not being a hell after all. Perhaps not heaven…."
"It's neither, I'm alive still and you seem to have a living body…it's just not your prior reality."
"That is true. I do not feel dead, though I didn't feel it after I died either."
"Yeah…um…Ah! Holy Hell!" The female's gaze wandered to the kitchen window, blue eyes widening, mouth agape before her expression grew into cold hate.
L felt a chill at her bristling, following her stare carefully and slow. The next second he dropped his coffeecake muffin as he recognized the person standing outside smirking at them.
"Yagami-kun…."
"That…that…." The female balled her fists, the next second smirking dangerously as she ploughed through the door, barely pausing to open it. L focused on the scene bemusedly as the female stormed up to the unbudging Light and…kneed him between the legs. L blinked and stifled a smile as his number one suspect and murderer crumbled to the grass, body curled up in a ball of pain. He resumed eating his coffeecake muffin while the female dragged Light inside before the man could further react.
'Wait….man? Light-kun has gotten older….wait….why is he here? Did he die too?'
"What the hell did you kick me for?" Light shouted at the female, his expression revealing a rage L had never seen and only guessed at. "Who are you anyway? And why is L here?"
"First you and L may call me Jeichan, second I kicked you because you harmed my beloved L-chan, and I do not know how either of you came to this world, but L will always be welcomed here."
" 'Your 'beloved' L?' Oi, you're a fan-girl of his? Please what do you people see in him? He's nothing compared to me…."
"Obviously, you make Ted Bundy look like a saint, no, scratch that, you make Hitler…."
"I'm not a genocidal dictator…."
"Have you bothered looking at yourself, Kira? How many people did you kill? How many more did you wish to? And how did you silence your protestors? Those who stood up against you? Killing criminals as though they were a race unworthy of existing, slaying those who dared to speak up -- who tried to end your deranged bloodshed. Using the despair and dissatisfaction of the masses to brainwash them into believing your doctrine…."
"I was making a peaceful world! The world everyone wants!"
"There's a reason such a world is called an Utopia -- it cannot exist in any imperfect realm. If it could exist it would. Hell, there's no way peace could truly last on Earth unless all but one person were dead, and then that person probably would commit suicide from boredom."
L sniggered as he finished the muffin, moving onto another packet of hostess cupcakes. Hearing Light being argued with so fiercely breathed satisfaction into his recently awakened bones.
"I could have succeeded, it was my ideal to make reality."
"You're not a god, you're some brainless naïve who equates security with liberty, while not knowing that liberty cannot exist if people are not free to sin. And in any world where liberty, and freewill with it, does not exist, life itself has no meaning above the dull simplicity of nature."
"I….if I'd succeeded you'd sing a different tune."
"No, I wouldn't. Since if you'd succeeded I'd take a shotgun and either try shooting you or shoot myself. Give me liberty or give me death." Jeichan breathed deeply as she settled onto a chair. "Now, let's sit down to eat like civil people, before I prove through you that a man cannot win an argument with a woman."
"Geez…PMS much?" Light muttered, his glare locking on L's crouched form eating a Twinkie.
"Not yet, in a week maybe." Jeichan replied, chuckling and then laughing as L's and Light's faces turned scarlet. Light stammered about not wanting to hear about that, while lingering near the table of desserts.
"Would Light-kun desire a Twinkie?" L asked and held out the individually packaged golden treat, missing the perverted interpretation until Jeichan fell off her chair, choking on a mouthful of soda.
"L giving Light his Twinkie?! Holy bleeping hell! Creamed filled and everything."
Light stared wide-eyed at Jeichan, expression equivalent to being struck by a frying pan, before contorting into nauseous disgust. At the table L tossed down the Twinkie and pushed the box away.
"I don't think I like Twinkies anymore."
0
Light glared at the computer screen, brown eyes trailing over the summary of the fifth fanfiction Jeichan had saved to her computer; his mind yelling at him that he should've picked a different folder to browse through other than the Death Note fanfiction one. He felt like punching the monitor as he exited out of another 'Light gets raped, develops relationship with L' fanfic.
"Is this all you think about?" Light demanded as Jeichan entered the living room carrying a tray of sweets; L tagged along behind her holding about five newspapers. He jabbed his finger at the fan fiction's summary, the heavy lines of anger marring his otherwise unblemished face. "Don't you read fanfics with other sort of plots?"
"Well, I've read and saved a fanfic where it's L that gets raped instead of you, but that one is just 2 chapters long and incomplete….there's also a mpreg one where L gets impregnated by Light-kun and…."
Light felt like he would throw up and he held up his hand for Jeichan to stop talking; he shook his head and then massaged the temples with his fingers. On the couch L had a similar expression in a miniscule degree, his fingers holding a fork paused on its way toward a white frosted cake slice.
"I sympathize with Light-kun, though he missed seeing the previous background Jeichan had up. He didn't have to see any picture other than the white/blond hair mobster from some other anime." L shoveled a forkful of cake into his mouth then took a sip of heavenly sweetened tea. "Though how could it be possible for a male to get pregnant? Is that some kind of fetish among BL fan girls?"
"It's popular enough that it has it's own warning code for stories on adultfanfictiondotnet. Though I prefer the BDSM type and non-consensual type fanfics better."
"Do you have any fanfiction that is not about me and L screwing each other? Because that's just plain wrong on so many levels…."
"Well there are some fanfics about Mello and Matt, Mello and Near, BB and L….L and Matsuda…some with BB and Light, Mikami and Light….I think there might be one with Ryuk and Light as well but I have to check…I don't have them saved, but I can find them…." Jeichan continued until she heard L's fork clatter on his plate and noticed both of them just stared at her. She pulled her bottom lip into her mouth with her teeth as she bowed her head, her demeanor sheepish; her concern stemming from L's reaction rather than Light's.
"I believe Light-kun meant more non-yaoi type fanfiction….I assume this 'Mikami' is a guy as well?" L crunched up tighter in his crouch, thumb at his lips as he studied Light's expression.
"Yep, he's someone who believed Kira to be god….Though his devotion indirectly led to Light's downfall."
Light narrowed his eyes at Jeichan then turned to L, brown eyes glinting in the sunlight.
"Who is BB? Someone connected to you L?"
"BB or Beyond Birthday is someone who tried to get the better of L, though I haven't been able to read the book where he shows up in so I don't know much else about him….just that he looks similar to L….and was born with Shinigami eyes…."
Light blinked as he shifted back to staring at Jeichan, his brown eyes glancing at L as the pale detective returned to his sweets.
"…born with Shinigami eyes? How…."
"Don't know, I haven't read the book he appeared in…." Jeichan leaned over the computer keyboard and took the mouse from Light's hands. She opened and few folders and scrolled down a list of stories in a folder called My Fanfics. "All the one's in here are fanfics I wrote myself, and most of them don't contain yaoi. Read to your heart's content. Though if you wish I could look up other's fanfics that are male/female ones. There's a few of Light and Misa…."
Light cringed and shooed Jeichan away, shaking his head before she could say another word. He paused when she chuckled and leaned against the glass door beside the computer desk.
"You know, it's your lukewarm attitude toward Misa coupled with your angry liveliness around L that makes fans think that…." Jeichan sniggered as she heard L go 'hm' behind them.
"I always wondered myself why Light-kun preferred my company to Misa's…." L wondered aloud, expressing his words in just the right tone to cause Light to flinch. He could picture the tinge of red that appeared on Light's cheeks as the younger-now-older man's fists clenched.
"…I do NOT like L. Misa was too much an idiot for me to consider…."
"So, you're saying, if L's brains were in Misa's body then you'd…."
"That is NOT what I mean….there is no way I could ever consider liking someone against my ideals….he is and always will be my enemy and…."
"Ah, so if L-kun had not been against Kira's ideals, Light-kun might have considered liking L-kun?" Jeichan asked, mimicking L's gestures and posture as she studied the brunette. She felt L's eyes studying her before shifting to Light's back. "After all if you write Yagami in romaji and then read it backwards you get 'I'm a gay'…."
Behind them L choked on the sip of tea he'd just drank as the words hit his ears. As he cleared his throat of the blockage, his coughs the only thing marring the silence, Light snapped and kicked the computer chair away as he stood.
"Enough! If you say another word…..I swear you'll regret it every single second you breathe….." Light faced Jeichan, the fan-girl's blue eyes reflecting uncertainty for a moment before narrowing. Her expression changed into the eyes of someone hungry for blood, the slow simmer of wrath burning under her skin.
"There's few things you could do to make me regret…and if you do the one I'm thinking of right now, Kira, it will be you who regrets it every second until your last…." The shadows on Jeichan's face strengthened her threatening expression, her voice low and harsh as she continued. "I'll castrate you in the slowest, most painful way possible if you…if you in any way harm L or the poetry I've written. Other than that, do your worst."
"…." Light, who instinctively stepped back from Jeichan's glare, blinked as the anger morphed into something softer on the fan-girl's face, and Jeichan flew to the couch.
"Ah, L, Light's threatened me! Do something!" Jeichan whined, her demeanor flipping 180 as she clung to the detective's side. Her bottom lip protruding, eyes morphing into a scolded-puppy-dog's pout, she tangled her fingers in L's usual white shirt; her face pressed against his side. 30 seconds later she burst out laughing as both L and Light gaped at her, unable to speak; she continued laughing, eyes watering, to the point of being unable to breathe.
While she struggled to subdue her laughter, L and Light shared a look that said: what the hell have we gotten ourselves into….
A/N: I hope you enjoyed this chapter, please please review, and I'll try to finish the next chapter soon.
*The fanfics alluded to in this chapter are all fanfics done by other authors on the site adultfanfiction dot net. Though mostly I just reference the popular plotline of Light gets raped, and mentioned the pairings that stuck out while browsing the internet. I'm fairly certain there are more than one Light gets L pregnant fanfics out there, but I've only seen one where it's L that gets raped and that fanfic belongs to DARKSINOKARU on adultfanfiction dot net. Props to the author. Other than that I tried to keep the references generic enough not to require listing the authors…Perhaps in the next chapter(s) I should explore what L and Light think of some of my fanfics….
