Maria – Sabe Maberrie
Captain – Obi-wan Kenobi
Head Handmaid – Deppa Bilaba
Baroness – Eirtae
Rolf - Anakin
Liesl – Padme
Friedrich – Luke
Louisa – Leia
Gretl - Jaina
Marta - Mara
Kurt - Jacen
Brigitta - Winter
Nuns:
Rabe
Sache
Yane
· I think I will have to omit the "The Hills are alive…" scene for a while. It
looks kind of silly, and I can't think of the lyrics…yet.
· I just made up the speaking lines because I can't find a copy of the movie
transcript for now. But if I do, I'll change it.
SCENE 1: Theed Palace, Handmaiden's School. Somewhere, a bell tolls, and four
cloaked figures suddenly appear and walk up the palace's huge hallway. At the
end of the hall, the Principal is waiting for them.
Deppa: Good morning, ladies. Rabe, Sache, Yane…where is Sabe? Has she overslept
again?
Rabe: Oh, Head Handmaid…As usual…we have no idea.
Deppa: (impatient) Has she gone out wandering again?
Yane: Perhaps…it is most likely. She is…an unusual girl.
Sache: Ha! Unusual! If that's not an understatement, I don't know what is.
Don't worry about her, Head Handmaid. She's a certified wacko, ever since she
was taken in here.
Yane: Her antics provide us much amusement. She's like that. Everyone here in
Theed knows that.
Deppa: Even if I'm new here, I'm still Head Handmaid. That Maberrie can't go on
like this. She'll never graduate that way! And Handmaidens are so few.
Sache: You should be warned, then, Madame. She's a social misfit.
Rabe: She likes prowling the alleys and haggling with strange merchants!
Sache: Oh, you really shouldn't us get started on Sabe's weirdness!
cue music:
Yane:
She climbs a tree and scrapes her knee
Rabe:
Her cloak has got a tear
Sache:
She imitates Ric Olie
She's more than he could bear
Yane:
And underneath the queen's nose
She wears the headdress on her hair
All her shoes are worn and shoddy
Sache:
She's always late for meetings
And her excuses are half-real
Rabe:
She's always late for everything
Yane:
Except for every meal
Sache:
I hate to have to say it
But I very firmly feel
Maberrie's not an asset to Handmaidenology!
Rabe:
I'd like to say a word in her behalf
Sabe…makes me… laugh
CHORUS:
How do you solve a problem like Maberrie?
How do you catch Jar Jar and cut him down?
How do find a word that means Maberrie?
Sache: A will of a wiz
Rabe: A fliperteejibbit
Yane: A Jawa!
CHORUS:
Many a thing you know you like to tell her
Many a thing she ought to understand
Yane: But how will you make her stay and listen to all you say
Rabe: How do you keep away from Naboo's star?
CHORUS:
Oh how do solve like a problem like Maberrie?
How do you hold a Nubian in your hand?
Rabe: When I'm with her I'm confused, out of focus and bemused, and I never
know exactly where I am
Sache: Unpredictable like weather
Yane: She's as flighty as a smuggler
Sache: She's a bantha,
Yane: She's a Jedi,
Rabe: She's a lamb!
Sache: She'd outpester any pest…wakes a Bothan from his rest
Rabe: She'd could make Darth Maul look like a silly girl
Yane: She is gentle
Sache: She is wild
Yane: She's a riddle
Rabe: She's a child
Sache: She's a Sith lord!
Rabe: She's an angel!
Deppa: She's a girl
CHORUS
How do you solve a problem like Maberrie?
How do you catch Jar Jar and cut him down?
How do find a word that means Maberrie?
Sache: The will of a wiz
Yane: A fliperteejibbit
Rabe: A Jawa!
CHORUS
Many a thing you know you like to tell her
Many a thing she ought to understand
Yane: But how will you make her stay and listen to all you say
Rabe: How do you keep away from Naboo's star?
CHORUS
Oh how do solve like a problem like Maberrie?
- Sabe runs up to them, looking distressed and hastily putting on her cloak's
cowl. The other Handmaidens shake their heads and sigh.
How do you hold a Nubian in your hand?
