Not Good Enough Part 2

River felt a little guilty after Uncle Dean's lecture. But only a little. He loved Jamie, he did - but sometimes that didn't matter. That made him a little angry too because he shouldn't have to guilty about feeling – well the way he felt! Jamie couldn't help being Jamie but River couldn't help being himself either. River knew he was a little hot headed, knew he sometimes spoke before he thought and he also knew when he as was right and when he was wrong.

He clutched the hammer and the bag of nails as he headed up to his cousin.

"Can't fix the damn fence without this." River tossed the hammer in Jamie's general direction. It fell about two inches from Jamie's foot. Jamie didn't even flinch.

"I hope that wasn't your attempt at intimidation because if it was – it didn't work."

River huffed, "If I was aiming at your fucking foot, it would have hit your fucking foot."

Jamie toed the hammer with his sneakers, "Wasn't planning on fixing anything anyway. Dad sent me over here to stop waling on your ass, not to fix the fence."

River scuffed his foot over the pasture, barely missing some pile of poop from some horse or another. "Yeah, well if he comes over here to check out the fence line and finds out that you've missed a big old chunk that's down and a fucking horse gets out well, kicking my ass is nothing you are going to be worrying about anyway."

"Yeah, whatever." Jamie leaned against the fence, wiped some sweat from his brow.

Jamie looked hard at River, "You know what River? Your concern about my personal welfare leaves a little bit to be desired, considering you just rang my bell over something I have no idea about. Plus you did it in a totally dickhead way. You wanna fuckin' fight me, well let's do it, right here, right now."

Jamie turned toward River, offering his side, minimizing body surface, bouncing lightly on his toes and making sure that River knew he meant business. He didn't put his hands up, he didn't need to but his loose-limbed stance gave River all the information that he needed. If Jamie decided to teach Rive a lesson in hand to hand, well it would be quick and painful. And decidedly one sided.

"Jamie don't be an asshole. Your dad is watching arms folded from the porch. He can be here in a minute and if he has to do that, well, the aftermath will be painful for all involved."

Jamie shrugged. "That gives me a minute to wipe this field with you and honestly, I think I can get it done in 45 seconds."

"Yeah but then your dad will be here and he will kick your ass so far into next week you'll miss that history final coming up."

Jamie leaned shifted his weight on the fence. Maybe it was an automatic reaction to the burning ass he was anticipating – maybe not.

"So what? What do I do? Just ignore the fact that you jumped me. Fucked me over and got me fucking punished. Because that's what this is." Jamie waved his hand down the fence line. "I just got handed a half day job because you decided to be an asshole."

River sighed. It was true. But he came down here to make pretty with Jamie and he was telling the truth to Jamie, River was quite sure that Uncle Dean was watching every move from the house. Getting Jamie in more trouble was not going to make anything better.

"Look, I'm sorry about getting you punished. I'll give you a hand okay? We can get this done in two hours instead of four."

"Jesus, River…that's your apology, I'll help you do the punishment you got me saddled with? 'Cause fuck that and fuck you. I'll do the damn fence myself. Oh and thanks for the hammer and the nails. I could never have figured this out without you."

Jamie turned away, scooped up the hammer and the bag of nails with such vehemence that a few of the nails fell in the field. River dutifully picked them up.

"Don't want the horses to get a nail in their hooves."

"Just shut up and leave me alone."

River trailed behind Jamie. "Look Jamie, I'm sorry I flew off the handle. I took everything out on you just 'cause you were there. I was wrong and I knew I was wrong and I didn't even care. Just…just what can I do to make it up to you?"

"I just told you. You can leave me alone."

River almost turned away. If Jamie didn't want him around, well he didn't need to stay but River was honest, with himself and usually with everyone else. "Nope, I'm gonna help you with the fence. If you don't want me actually working with you, I'll just walk with you or something. Or better yet, I'll scope ahead of you and let you know if there are any problems. That takes half the time anyway."

Jamie snorted. "Suit yourself."

So that was how they spent the next two hours. River ahead of Jamie and Jamie behind. They didn't speak except to help repair a fence part that needed to be fixed. They didn't communicate at all but River was okay with that. River discounted the occasional finger that Jamie sent in his direction as communication. He figured he deserved that and more. They finished up earlier as River predicted, because two heads and/or arms are better than one, even if they were pissed at one another. But the work seemed to change the tide a bit. The steady rhythm of routine grunt work was almost relaxing. They still weren't talking but Jamie didn't look like he was going to clean River's clock and River wasn't pouncing on Jamie. They walked back toward the barn together- if silently- and that was a vast improvement.

"So…" Jamie began, "Are you going to tell me what your problem is or am I going to have to guess?"

River shuffled through the pasture next to Jamie, dragging his feet through the Texas grass. "I dunno. You are just hard to keep up with. Everyone is and I feel like I'm the third wheel on a four-wheel car. A modified fuel injected Winchester Porsche. Plus the Trio never let me hunt. I'm tired of always playing backup. And pisspoor back up at that. I want to hunt. Hunt with you and everyone else."

Jamie rolled his eyes, "Don't be a bitch. First, the car would be an Impala, not a damn Porsche. Winchesters are work horses, not sports cars. Secondly, no one. Not my dad, not your dad and certainly not Gramps is going to let you hunt unless they feel one hundred percent confident that everything is going to be okay. Hell, I only get to hunt if they feel ninety nine percent confident about things."

"And that's s'pose to make me feel better?"

"Honestly, River, I don't care if you feel better or not. It is what it is. Your niche is research, that's a good thing, plus you are getting better at everything else. Not to mention, I honestly think you are better with a knife than I am."

"Huh?" River was truly baffled.

"Yeah, you are. You have a longer reach and you aren't afraid to get blood on you. Or you know, whatever the goo is inside of whatever we hunt. But that's not gonna change the fact that you aren't going to find yourself hunting very often unless our parents feel you are ready."

"That's exactly what your dad said." River grinned just a bit, "minus the bit about knives."

"Yeah, well he didn't mention the knife thing probably 'cause you are better than him too. Dad doesn't like to admit that anyone might be better than him in a fight. Any kind of fight. But don't let it go to your head – that old saying about bringing a knife to a gun fight is true and while knifework is important so is everything else. "

"You sound like a page out of the Winchester workbook on hunting."

"That's 'cause I am. There's Gramps' journal and Dad and Uncle Sam have journals too. Plus they have about a gazillion years experience that they've been verbally and physically pounding into my head for sixteen years. It's burned into my brain. You are not quite there yet , but eventually you will be spewing Winchester Hunting 101 all over the place."

River couldn't help the grimace.

Jamie smiled then, "Well, where ever it is appropriate."

"So Jamie, I have a question for you."

They'd stopped at the barn after the walk in from the field. It was quiet except for the contented sounds of horses. River thought wryly how the horses were in during the heat of the day, enjoying their fresh buckets of water and sweet hay while he and Jamie were fixing fences. Jamie apparently was thinking along those lines too because he turned on the hose and doused his head and t-shirt with cool water, letting it spill in a puddle just outside the barn. Jamie gestured toward River but River shook him off. He preferred showers inside, thank you very much.

Jamie looked at River, "Shoot."

"I know this is stupid, I mean really stupid, but what is the chance of you and I finding a hunt, hunting it, ganking it and then letting the Trio know about it."

Jamie let the river sluice over his head one more time and then shook once like dog, spraying clean water and sweat in an arc around his body.

"I think that's a really bad idea, Riv. We are going to suffer big time. Even if we succeed on all aspects of the hunt, and we could River, I know we could. When we tell the Trio we did it, no matter how damn good it was or how amazing we were, we are going to suffer in ways that I'm not sure are even imaginable. I don't think I'm willing to take an ass whipping of that magnitude to make a point."

River hung his head, "'Cause you don't have any points to make. I'm the one they don't trust."

Jamie slicked back his hair with a quick brush of his hand, "River, trust is a strong word. Besides, you got nothing to prove."

"Oh, come on Jamie. Let's be real. I have everything to prove. They are never going to let me hunt unless I can prove I can. But they are never going to let me hunt to prove I can."

Jamie shook his head, "Riv, I see what you are sayin but…"

River looked over at his cousin, " Look I'll take the heat, I'll take the punishment, the ass whippin and the lecture that will probably take a week in itself. Just give me a hand okay? Help me find something. You don't even have to participate in the hunt, it doesn't even have to be more than a little salt and burn. I just want them to know I can do it."

Jamie shook his head again, "River, it's gonna be a bad, bad thing."

River looked resolutely at Jamie. "Well, it's gonna be bad at first but then? Well, then it will be golden. They will realize I'm capable and that I can contribute to the team. Once they get over my blatant disobedience and disregard of all shit Wincheter, well they will finally get it in their heads that I've got it. That I'm capable. This…"River waved his hand randomly in a vague motion, "this hanging around is bullshit. I want to be a part of this family. One hundred percent. The good, the bad, the ugly, the ass kickings and yes, the fucking hunts."

River watched Jamie as the water dripped down his face, saw his brain working, considering all the angles and the ramifications.

"Okay. I'm with you. But I've got to be in on in too. From beginning to end and Lord knows end is exactly what I mean."

This time River shook his head, "No, Jamie- you do the legwork this time. You find the hunt or help me find it. You do the research, I do the hunt. That saves you some retribution."

"Fuck that. If you think that's gonna save my ass, well you are sorely mistaken. They will kill me individually for helping you and then they will kill me collectively for letting you hunt without backup. No- if you are determined to do this, than I'm your wingman."

River looked hard at Jamie. "You're an idiot."

Jamie grinned, "Nah, I'm not an idiot but in keeping with the wingman analogy if you are going down in smoke, I'm going down with you."

River thought about protesting some more, thought about fighting it, but Jamie had that determined look on his face, one River had seem a time or two. Usually it resulted in trouble for both boys but sometimes it just reflected Winchester stubborn and that was something River and Jamie had in droves.

So it genetic. River wondered if he could use heredity as an excuse to save his ass.

Probably not.

TBC