Usually i am not too fond of stories from Renesmee's point of view. I have got nothing against her or something but i simply don't like to see things from her point of view. But then i got this idea and i couldn't help it. I have not yet decided how much time has passed since BD. I would clear this up in the next chapter hopefully. Just to clear it up Renesmee is called may in my story.

Disclaimer:- I don't own any of the characters or places used in this story. This is purely a work of fiction and any resemblance to a person or situation is merely coincidental.


And I Thought I had finally lost her

(Prologue)

I need this. I reminded myself.

I need this. I need this. I need this.

It didn't help. I knew. But I had hoped. And slowly my hope was disappearing and guilt was taking its place. I shouldn't have left her alone. It was a mistake. A huge mistake at that. How could I be so selfish to do that to my own mother?

But you do need this - A small voice, in the back of my mind.

I drag my feet forward. I had this idea of going to a rock concert and getting drunk later. That was when I had gotten out of the house with no destination in my mind. I am not running away and leaving her behind-all alone, I said to myself to ease the guilt of what I was doing. I sat all night long on the lone park bench instead. A great idea it turned out to be, to leave that is.

I passed a phone-booth on my way to the park the night before. Even such an insignificant thing brought back painful memories. I remembered when I had called home one night when I was out hunting. After finishing I had decided to take a stroll around the area. I never thought I had come so near to the town that night. I detected a service station nearby with a phone booth in it. I couldn't help myself and called home.

I had so many hopes and they were all shattered when I reached back home with mom. I shivered, not because of the cold weather but because of the dead looks that had been on those familiar faces. Auntie Rose and Uncle Em were back and I couldn't hold my excitement any longer. I rushed to them, to feel auntie's warm hands wrap around me. I left mom alone on the edge of hill that overlooked the family house. Home. I had been very foolish I realize it now. I was welcomed just like I had expected. Warm hugs, worried whispers, quick Questions and warning to never do that again.

But then when I brought mom closer their demeanors changed. The light in their eyes vanished and the haunted look that was on their faces would stay with me forever. I still couldn't believe that it actually happened. But it did and that's why we are here. Running from our own family. But I couldn't let them do that to her. So we ran and ran till we reached this town.

I had called home that night from that booth because I believed that they could never willingly do it. I was right. That was the most difficult conversation I had ever had. I lied. Told half-truths. I cried. And they believed me when I said I need some time alone. I was alone in a way. In every way. Someday I am going to find a way to silence this voice. I couldn't take it any longer but somehow resisted the urge to call home again and ran, that's when I found my bench.

May you need to get your sorry self back to the house. Mom would be worried. But there was a high possibility that she hasn't even noticed my absence. That hurt. But it was probably true.

It is most definitely true. That voice again. I am beginning to hate that voice. As I grudgingly moved forward I could see the outline of the broken deserted house that mom and I had occupied weeks ago. Two weeks, a day and 19 hours to be precise. I couldn't believe my luck when we stumbled upon this building all those days ago. It looked like a barn but upon closer inspection I realized it was a house-An old farm house.

A smile crept on my lips as I remembered entering into it. It took me a day to get used to the idea that it isn't going to fall down. Surprisingly it was in a good condition. We were lucky. Mom and me. That frightened me. We are never lucky for a long time.

I entered the house; loudly I might add. I didn't want to startle her, if she took notice that is. I played it safe. I went round the sofa to the other side of the room where I knew the switches were. I switched on the lights. I gasped seeing what I saw or rather what I didn't. Mom wasn't in the room. She hasn't moved from here for so long. I looked around in what was supposed to be the dining room. The light from the living room was enough to see the dining and the kitchen connected to it.

I couldn't smell her. We were disguising our scents to be safe. I never imagined the safety precaution to backfire as profusely as it now did. I couldn't think.

I got a sense of a horrifying panic taking over me. My throat had gone dry. My heart was beating rapidly and considering how fast it beats that's saying something. I ran upstairs hoping against hope to find her in one of the bedrooms. I checked both of them. Nothing. I ran down. Then outside through the backdoor. That's it she has gone hunting. Where else? I chastised myself for leaving her, yet again. I ran as fast as I could and circled the perimeter that is something I had picked up from one of Jake's patrol. And from uncle jazz and dad too. She wasn't in the area anywhere. I searched for one and a half hour. What am I going to say to everyone? To dad? What am I going to do?

I walked back defeated to the house. I didn't feel a thing. My mind has stopped responding or comprehending anything. Am I going crazy too? No she isn't crazy. I reprimanded myself. That was something I seemed to be very good at, I noted wryly. I sat down in the chair she had been sitting when I left. I hugged myself. I had lost all sense of time. Minutes, hours, days might have passed but I didn't notice. I stared at the wall willing it to give me back my mom. I felt scared and alone. All alone. I wanted to be home with grandma and grandpa and Aunt Ali and Auntie Rose and uncle Jazz and uncle Em. And more than all to be with dad. But I knew he wasn't at home right now because if he was then I wouldn't be here. He knew nothing of all these along with grandpa. They were gone before mom and I left home. But I need him now. I want him to hug me and say that everything is going to be alright even when we both know it won't. I don't want to be here. Alone. But what if she comes back. She would right? I continued staring.

It was a bad idea. I am going to kill this inside voice.

That's when I heard a stirring upstairs. I was afraid. But then I hoped. With that very hope I flung myself with all my strength upstairs I checked the bedrooms maybe I had missed something the last time. Nothing.

I felt hot tears running down my face. I felt …this …this unexplainable pain in my chest. It hurt. It hurt a lot. I took a deep breath and soon started choking on my tears. I didn't care any longer, I hadn't cried in front of her and in a very long time. She is gone now. I broke down. And I cried and cried and cried.

I heard it again. I was sure. It was clearer. I looked up. Nothing. Wait could she… NO of course not what would she do up there. I ran outside. And I tilted my head to survey the house. There on the roof of that house hid by a tree… was she. Tears once again filled my eyes. Tears of relief, tears of sadness and tears of guilt. Guilt because all this time since we began running to now, now when I thought that I had lost her I regretted not taking my family up for the offer.