Disclaimer: As much as I hate to say this but reality is reality and I don't own Naruto (Sigh)
If Shikamaru got the news that I ditched work with my guitar, he'll probably tie me in my seat so I won't have to step in that place every week. I can already imagine him fuming and lecturing me that doing these stupid things will not change anything. It will only hurt me more.
I knew that.
But who can blame me?
I just only want to remember. Is it wrong for me to try?
I can understand if others think that it's futile, that it will only make it hard for me to move on. I don't care. They probably don't realize how much he meant to me, how deep his life carved in my existence, how he became my everything and no matter how hard I try to make them realize it, they don't matter because they don't know how hard it is to wake up every single day with a deflated heart.
Every morning before I open my eyes, I kept imagining that he's only there…beside me…sleeping in my arms…alive…breathing for me…just for me. But reality always hit me back. Coldness suddenly surged in my body and the tears that constantly poured from my eyes always proved that he's never coming back…never again.
Before when I kept thinking of him, these feelings of excitement, warmth, happiness, contentment, love…it brushed every skin in my body as if I'm really lucky that I'm alive. But now, how come just the sound of his name made my breath hitch and made me feel that I just wanted to die?
At the sight of the huge maple tree, I slowly parked the car and grabbed the guitar at the backseat. A small smile carved in my face but my whole body weighed a thousand times heavier.
"I won't cry…I won't cry" I chanted in my head because he doesn't like it when I do. Deciding to go now than wait and waste another hour, I walked through different names I don't even know. Each step made it hard for me to breathe but I had enough will power to go through this. Reaching the foot of the tree, I stared at the name longer than I usually do; wishing it was never there, wishing that the pain these past ten months were just a big nightmare.
I tried opening my eyes, but he never let me. There, lying beside the tree is my life.
UZUMAKI NARUTO
Birth: October 10, 1985
Death: December 16, 2010
I sat beside it and brushed my fingers through the carved name. Smiling once again, I started playing the guitar and sing. It's the song I always sing for him whenever he was down, whenever we had a fight, during our anniversaries or even before going to sleep. It's the best reminder of him.
Lying here with you
Listening to the rain
Smiling just to see
The smile upon your face
Hey dobe, can you hear me? I played it again just like I promised to you. Every Friday is Sasuke singing day and even it's a hassle to drive here, I still did it, just for you.
These are the moments
I thank God that I'm alive
Are you feeling relax now? You said my singing is like your private sauna. I still think your logic is ridiculous.
These are the moments
I'll remember all my life
I really miss you. You're so unfair, leaving me behind like this. Who's going to cook my favorite dinner now? You kept complaining that without you, I'm probably dying on the streets by now. So tell me, how am I supposed to continue life now?
I've found all I've waited for…
I wish you were here. I wish you were back. I really wanted to hold you Naruto, to hug you, to kiss you, to made love with you. And you'll probably laugh at me right now because I'm crying but it's the only thing I could do for you…
And I could not ask for more.
…because this is how much I love you.
This is an edited version of my first one. I'd like to know what you think :))
Thank you for reading
Kur0-sama
