For JackJack, the mouse, meh and Kassy's first son, the dude that's girlier than his father. And Kamzeh and also, Aree. And no, mah husband, the love of mah life, Phil does not top, mostly 'cause Jack didn't want him to top and the other half because I don't like making him top…TWEETY.
Anyways…yesh, this is kinda weird 'cause…this idea I've had a VERY BERRY long time ago. XD. Like ridiculously long time ago…I don't even remember a DATE but I just found it today when I'm looking for Junk ideas for the bald-Phil thing and the Jack thing. XD. I'm also doing Areesha's request where she wanted Phil/Punk action. -_- Which is ridiculous but hey, it works HERE so…yesh. XD.
Also, if you know meh, sometimes my plots can be INTENSE. Especially if it's labeled 'SUPERNATURAL'. XD.
Shadow of a Doubt
Rated: +18
Summary: Phil had always been known as "insane" because he believes that his shadow speaks to him? Add in a sick Jeff Hardy and a bit of fluff and you got a perfect Junk fic!
Genre: Supernatural/Angst
Chapter One
:. Phil's Shadow :.
Phil's POV
He's watching me again…
Breathing in the cold mirror…the fog that escaped his breath onto the mirror, and his words write against my mirror…
Take it off. All of it.
No escape.
The suffocation resides…oh God.
I hated doing this routine of ours.
I had no control over anything, no control out of the blood that circulated around my body, no control of how fast my heart pumped, no control of the thoughts that entered my bed, no, I was just a victim of my own shadow's wants and needs and preferences. I called my shadow Punk and my name, my name was Phil.
My shadow had complete control over my body. Complete control of everything and sometimes, my thoughts as well. And now, he was telling me to take off my hair. All of it. To make myself bald.
To anyone else, this would've seemed crazy.
To me, it seemed crazy.
But no…it also seemed so natural to have a shadow that controlled every bit of your body. Every inch of you and nobody knew. Nobody would've believed me. That night, as I lay, cradling a rabbit toy, clutching it as hard as I could've…sweat slinking down my back and my head spinning. I was in pain. My shadow spoke to me. "Take it off. All of it. Or else, the pain will get worse, Silly Philly…"
I tried to move but the pain just ripped through my every core…and I knew if I didn't move, it would only be unbearable that morning and I had to go to school. I stood up and walked towards the mirror…where I could feel myself suffocating…I had to do this now or else, I'd be killed by the time I wake up that morning. The oxygen levels were low and I grabbed onto a razor, I didn't care how ridiculous it seemed and a scissor in my other hand. I did what Punk told me to do, to take it all off…and I was left, looking hideous. As if I had been beautiful before…but now, even looking at the mirror made me feel nauseous and my stomach tightened as I heard the sound of someone knocking at the door.
"Philip! Are you not asleep yet?"
"I will in a minute, Mom." I looked at the watch in my hand. 1:30. My head was pounding. My father was going to slay me tomorrow. He was so loving and caring…when he wasn't drunk. If he knew about half the stuff he did to me when he was drunk, he would've shot himself. I wasn't joking. When he wasn't drunk, even having a cold made him so fucking overprotective of me, as if I was dying…and if he knew how much he hurt me when he was drunk…then it'll make all the more difference.
Of course, my Mother knew about it as well. But she convinced me that it'll be better soon. I turned on the water, allowing the water to rub off on the blood that was pouring out of my forehead, releasing from the cuts…they didn't hurt until I noticed their existence then I slid on a black beanie, trying to forget how horrible I looked like right now as I slipped underneath the covers of my bed but I couldn't sleep. My shadow regulated my system again but how long until it stroke again?
I wanted to cry. I really did…but I didn't control my body at all. I just crawled underneath my body, feeling to the soft beat of my heart as it regulated and I could control every inch of my body again and then the tears started to cascade down my eyes…and somehow, the night cradled me to sleep.
:.:.:.:.:.:. So close, no matter how far :.:.:.:.:.:.
I never had a dream in my life.
I always wanted to have one. It was somehow of a wish. My shadow didn't even let me dream. How pathetic was that? I longed for some sort of happiness, some sort of salvation, something… and I sat down on the breakfast table, biting into my sandwich, the food barely edible since I knew that my Mother had to have sex with my…overexcited Father yesterday and so, in result, she was extremely tired and the food wasn't cooked properly. She was in her satin pink robe, her blue nightgown showing, and even if it wasn't something very appropriate for my Mother to wear in front of her son, I gave her props for having the energy to make me breakfast.
My Father walked downstairs and hugged her. "Darling," he kissed her cheek, 'are you tired?"
I just hoped he was like this all the time. That he'd stop the drinking. I didn't want my children to suffer as much as I did. I was, and always going to be, straight edge…and he embraced me for a minute before he looked at me. "You don't wear hats."
I bit down my lower lip. "…it's cold outside."
"It's more than 90 degrees outside."
I grabbed onto my hat as if I was protecting it and then my Father just sighed at me. "What did you do to your hair, Philip?"
"Nothing." I snapped at him, grabbing onto my bag and running out the door and I was just happy that I was late for school, so I had an excuse for rushing off so quickly and then I pumped into another body on the way, a black figure stepped back and I saw that it was Matt Hardy.
"…where you heading off too?" I asked. He was heading in an opposite direction and Matt sighed softly.
"My brother's at the hospital…he fainted."
My eyes widened. Jeffery fainted? Oh Lord. I was just about to say something else but he was pleading for me to get away. "Can…can I come?" he looked uncertain for a moment and I knew exactly why.
I was Phil, the insane child who believed his shadow talked to him. I was isolated from the world but in the end, Matt was in such a hurry that he agreed. I didn't mind skipping school. I was so invisible and so…known for being a psychopathic soul that even the teachers didn't notice me or either were too scared to acknowledge my existence. Skipping school would be a relief for them and the rest of the student body. They all believed that I was a schizophrenic but my shadow did talk to me—just nobody believed me.
Matt stopped by a house for a moment and then, came out Shannon Moore, who was known for being a volleyball champion, in his short shorts and his tank top and his brilliant smile and I wanted him dead. Fuck him…he was so perfect, with his perfect smile and his perfect heart and his charity ridden soul. God. It was almost perfect. He was no cheerleader, no, that was clearly Jeff. But Shannon promised to fill in his spot if Jeff dropped out and I could imagine Shannon twirling around with his skirt flying up—slut.
Shannon pressed his lips to Matt's for a moment but Matt pushed him off and looked over at Shannon who was pouting. "Shanny, I'm sorry." Matt was in such a distress tone of voice. "But…"
"What happened?"
"Jeff fainted."
That brought shock to Shannon's face, all color was drained from his face and I found myself wanting to hug the child.
"…what about Constance?"
Constance was Shannon and Matt's one year old baby. In truth, they were in high school, but still had the baby. Constance was pale, with green eyes and black haired, her hair being incredibly curly and Shannon dressed her up in a ton of green and blue, sometimes yellow but nothing else. "Bring her over." Matt was begging now, cajoling with those liquid brown eyes of his.
Shannon nodded and went to go get Constance and I finally looked at her, no pictures…so beautiful in real life, cradled in Shannon's arms, so…peaceful and at rest. Her eyes shut tight and she waved her arms around freely at the sight of Matt who just looked at Shannon and pressed his lips towards his own for a moment. "I'm sorry." Matt said.
Shannon nodded, before making Matt hold Constance for a moment while Shannon went to get his stuff, a huge oversized blue bag that carried all of Constance's necessities. Shannon lived with his mother, who didn't even know that the baby that Shannon was taking care of was truly Shannon's own. He'd tried to convince her multiple times that he was babysitting for extra money…when in truth, he had to take care of her. He was stuck with her but he loved her with every inch of his heart.
Constance stared at Matt as Matt led Shannon and me towards the hospital and every step seemed to take eternity as Matt pushed through a final door and stepped to where Jeff was sleeping. He seemed so peaceful, so at rest. The second his eyes opened, a smile crept towards his face as Shannon took Constance from Matt and Matt ran towards his brother, embracing him as tight as ever. "It's gonna be okay, Jeffy…"
Jeff laughed, some sort of melodic laugh that filled my heart with emptiness as Jeff shook his head. "No, big brother, I'm sick."
Matt just stared at Jeff, so strong, so unbreakable…as Jeff curved his lips into a sadder smile but it was still, nonetheless, a smile. "I'm dying, Matty."
That was what made Matt's head spin as he sat down. He looked so dizzy. So scared. So…horrified as he stared at Jeff. "No, no, no, you're lying to me…" Matt seemed to break down harder than Jeff, even if Jeff was the one who was sick and Shannon was sitting down, holding Constance with all his life, tears threatening to fall from Shannon's eyes. And I was standing there, not a clue of what to do, or what to say…just listening to it, watching it like a scene, happening in front of me.
Matt was staring at me. "You know about sicknesses, you explain it to him! You're alive, aren't you? You psychopathic bad luck charm—"
"Matty!" Jeff exclaimed, pouting now and glaring at him. "It's not Phil's fault. He didn't do anything! Besides, he's got a mental issue…" that made my heart sink. Even Jeff thought I had some sort of mental issue but no, I had nothing. I was fine. I had nothing at all wrong with me…
"I have cancer."
That was what made Matt's eyes swell up with tears but he tried to hold them back so badly.
"…how long?"
"Three months. No cure. It's…it's got a three percent chance of survival." Jeff shrugged as if he was telling him an irrelevant story. It scared me so bad, and it scared Shannon as well and Matt…that someone so frail, so fragile-looking, can be so strong on the inside. "I'm gonna do chemo and it's gonna be a lot of pain but hey, if children can go through this, why can't I?"
"Jeff, you're only fourteen years old. You are a child."
"And ten year olds went through it. Nine year olds. Hell, some people who had suffered so bad throughout their lives went through this…when they told me, I wasn't sad or anything, Matty. I thought I'd be scared but…I'm just happy to be alive right now. And that's all that matters and if you start crying around and grieving until the day I die, it won't accomplish anything. I wanna face this head on. I'm not scared. And you shouldn't be either." Jeff let a warm smile to find its way to his lips.
He made it so easily, to be lying down on that bed, knowing that he only had three months to live… I sat down beside Matt on a plastic chair as Shannon edged forward and gave Jeff Constance, letting Jeff hold her…and stroke her hair. Shannon talked normally to Jeff, as if they weren't on a hospital bed, just gossiping randomly about what did what and who did who.
It just made me feel so…pathetic.
If Jeff was dying and he could handle it so well, then why couldn't I handle the fact that my shadow talked to me? That Punk controlled me? I watched Jeff move his hands and giggle and laugh…he was free and I was trapped. But still…I may be trapped but I was going to be alive…or was I not? Shannon talked about giving up college for Constance and Matt just stared at Constance as if he was expecting her to tell him that he was being crazy.
Constance was clapping her hands and she punched Jeff's chest with her tiny fist. Jeff laughed before kissing her forehead and Shannon ran out of the room to throw up and come back. "He's not having Constance V2, is he?" Jeff asked.
"No. A stomach flu." Matt sighed.
"…I'm gonna be fine, Matty."
"You're dying."
"Yes. And stop being a baby about it. I'm gonna be fine." Jeff kissed Matt's shoulder and pressed his head on Matt's shoulder, rocking himself back and forth. "Constance needs you. Shannon needs you more than I do. I'm not scared of dying…but I need you to be strong, not only for me, but for them as well! You see…Shannon is throwing away his entire future for Constance, he's throwing away his life…you know that Shannon could be homeless because of that. And dying is easy. Living is hard."
Matt sighed. "I can't believe you're teaching me this."
"I can't believe you're a jackass. Now go talk to Shannon…make out, fuck, whatever."
"You're fourteen!"
Jeff stuck his tongue out, 'and you're seventeen with a baby! And Shannon is thirteen years old…" Jeff reminded Matt. "I don't matter. I'm turning fifteen in two weeks."
"…think about it." Jeff sighed. "Shannon is dying over there…trying to take care of Constance and trying to practice volleyball and dating you and keeping it all a secret. He has more on his plate than I do. Dying is easy. Living is-"
"Hard." Matt finished off for him. "I know. You told me that already."
"You know the minute Shanny's Mommy realizes that Shannon had a baby, she'd throw him out of the house with no question. You better be there for Shanny when that happens 'cause she's not stupid. She'd notice…"
Matt nodded his head and then kissed Jeff's cheek. "Fine, baby brother. Sheesh. I'm the baby around here."
"…I have Constance's diapers if you need a change."
"Haha." Matt said dryly.
Shannon returned back into the room, giggling and then jumping up Jeff's cot. "…hey, Shan, Imma drive you home and Phil…?"
"I can go home." I simply said, grabbing onto my bag and swinging it past my shoulder and Jeff grabbed onto my hand and thanked for a moment before letting me go, sliding past Shannon and Matt, I found my way out. I came back home to an empty house and my mother leaving me a note saying where the food was but I wasn't hungry. The thought of death just lingered into my head as I slipped into my room, just lying onto my couch, just thinking.
Then, I was being awoken by my Mom and I felt my itcy hat get into the way so I pulled it off which caused her to shriek then I remembered my bald head. "PHIL! What did you do to your hair?"
I was going to say something but I heard Punk laugh and my heart beat thud harder as the dark spots clogged my eyes and pain rippled through my spine and…I let out a horrid scream. I hated screaming at the pain but now…I had no other choice. It throbbed and ached and tortured me…
And I found my Mother's arms around me as she stroke my face. "Oh Lord."
"…Philip!" my Father was there, shocked and horrified.
The next time I woke up, I found myself sitting beside Jeff, in a hospital bed, being checked for cancer but later on, I found out there was no cancer. Just the shadow messing with me but I knew that if Punk wanted me to get infected, I would've…and I felt so sick and tired. They wanted to keep me there and try to find out more about what happened to me. Now, Gilbert was there, stroking Jeff's hair and trying to cajole the calm Jeff and my parents had to go home…so I was alone, just me and Punk.
I hated it.
:.:.:.:.:.:. …and nothing else matters :.:.:.:.:.:.
The song is Nothing Else Matters…by Metallica. X3.
I tried not to leave a hint of a pregnant Shannon but that was SO HARD. XD. I just caved in. XP. Anyways…yesh. This story is one made of mah sanity…which has no limits and wanted to break the boundaries.
Anyways…
Yesh.
JackJack = there. XD. Sub!Phil with a ton of Junk and merci again for all the help! LOVE YA, SON.
Aree = LOVE YOU, MY DAUGHTER. XP. Anyways…yesh, Punkers will later on have one and one action with Phil. Just wait. -_- As much as I don't want to write it, I miss writing things for you. :3
Kamzeh = …um…the Junk fic. XD. Well, he's bald, is he not? That's all that matters. XD. I don't know anything about your tastes yet…
Kasseh *if reading this, I should've put Hardycest in the summary. XP. Well, Jeff's there* = …I will not make Punkers top. XP. Even if Jeffy is so in the possession of a sub in this fic, with the cancer and the SUBBINESS, no. XD…nah, that will happen the day you write my lovely Shannon being a sub to your Jeffery. XP…if you write my lovely Shannon domming Jeffery, I will be temped to write Dani/Jeff…with Dani subbing. OH YEAH. I WENT THERE. XD. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, BABE…I LOVE YOU MUCH! :3
X Sam.
